Middle Earth Eh Bro

Another epic Air New Zealand safety video ….

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious

All I Am Saying, Is Give Sharks A Chance

shark attackWhen I was a little kid I would sometimes go fishing. That was until one fateful day when I caught a fish and it stared back at me with horror in its eyes. I knew from that look that the fish was well aware of its fate. I removed the hook from its mouth, threw it back into the water and swore I would never go fishing again…. and I never have. OK, settled down Loons, I still eat fish, but I just refuse to go fishing. Much the same way as I love movies but refuse to watch Bambi. So, when one of my readers asked if I could write a piece on shark culling I was more than happy to oblige.

Let me start by saying that you would have to be one very unlucky ocean frolicker to die from a shark attack. Hello, on average there is around 5-10 deaths from shark attacks globally per year , seriously more people die from choking on fish bones. And anywho, of the 470 species of sharks only a few are considered gangster to humans. So I reject the argument of shark culling is to protect the public.

Lets look at some stats … It is estimated that 100 million sharks, yes 100 million, are killed by humans every year (sheez, and we complain about a few shark attacks), due to commercial and recreational fishing . When you hear all the blah, blah blah reasons for culling sharks just remember those stats because those stats are never mentioned. Why? Commercial shark fishing is a billion dollar industry!!!!Oh come on people wake up and smell your McFish burger.

Sure these ancient creatures are scarier than Freddy Kruger but hello, sharks are at the top of the food chain in the ocean, they gotta look the part. They lunch mainly on  the older, slower, sicker fish, which  keeps the ecosystem balanced and flourishing . Yep, by removing the weakest , they strengthen the ocean’s gene pools. To cull them makes the ecosystem look like Lindsay Lohan, vulnerable and unstable. Seriously people, the shark has one of the most important jobs in the sea-world, keeping everything in balance. Hmm, they haven’t been around for 420 million years for nothing!!!

Just remember , the propaganda against sharks is being lead by commercial fishing groups not by any logical scientific reasoning. So if you want to be munching on deformed two headed tuna, with a bad chest cold,  be my guest.

PSST- Please check out the  Shark Words blog

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, They Live Among Us !

And You Are Worried About ISIS

embarrassedOK, here’s the thing. As we look on in horror at the actions of the ISIS terrorists in the Middle East, just south of the US border uber atrocities are being committed every friggin day. 43 children from a Mexican town vanish without a trace. Their crime? Protesting about the drug cartels. Their punishment? They were handed over to the drug gangs by none other than the city’s Mayor and his wife. A woman who tweeted about the violent crimes in her city to warn others, was kidnapped and murdered. The murderers then tweeted images of her dead body warning people this will be the consequences of anyone else considering doing the same. This is just in today’s news. Seriously people, we need to wake up and smell the drug cartels too!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Look What It Did For Van Gogh

OK, I thought cutting your earlobe off to protest was a bit extreme but it seems this is the same Russian artist , who last year, nailed his scrotum to the ground. The earlobe stunt is a bit of a come down, me thinks. Oh and just in case you were wondering, the Russian artist is Pyotr Pavlensky who was protesting about his country habit of  putting political dissidents in psychiatric wards. Ironic, considering that is where he’s heading.

earlobe artist

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Suck In Up Preppers

Well, hello, finally!!!! A British company is selling Zombie Fortification Cabins…about friggin time. The starting price is $112,898 with a 10 year anti zombie guarantee. It includes barbed wire , reinforced windows, an escape hatch and a 360 degree viewing platform. An additional cost is charged if you want security cameras, protection gear and solar panels. OK, sure, it’s not pretty but its the price you pay for being zombie proofed. Hmm, I wonder if you need council approval? Health and safety might be a tad pissed about the barbed wire windows.

zombie cabin

 

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Arachnophobia Got A Whole Lot Real

Cinema accidentally mixes up Madagascar with Paranormal ActivityHoly nuclear mutant spider, Batman. A scientist has stumbled across the most terrifying creature in the world in a South American rainforest . An enormous spider (the size of a puppy) with nasty barbs (that can turn into flying spears when it rubs its hind legs) and hardened claws at the end of its legs that make a clicking sound when it moves. Oh and did I mention its 5cm fangs? Now maybe the US army could breed and train them to scare the shit out of ISIS terrorists… just saying.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Stupidity Is The New Black

mowerGeez Tennessee why so precious? A woman has been jailed for failing to mow her lawn. Yep, you heard me, for not mowing the lawn. The poor woman received a Lenoir City citation as her the lawn wasn’t being maintained to their standards, which she must have ignored,  because the judge sentenced her to 5 days in jail. After she appealed it was reduced to 6 hours. The mother of two, who has a full time job , could face more jail time if the lawn isn’t satisfactory by November.

Psst Seriously, the council should have just hired a lawn mowing person to cut the damn lawn and then send her the bill.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never