The Jackson Saga Continues

Evan Chandler the man who accused Michael Jackson of abusing his son Jordan, has committed suicide. The one time dentist, who had numerous plastic surgery operations to change his appearance after the family received a massive pay out by Jackson, shot himself.It is believed Mr Chandler had become a recluse and was estranged from his son.

It’s Not Everyday There’s a Dictator’s Brain On eBay

Stop right there!

Hmm, it’ ain’t Elvis’s hair but someone might want Mussolini’s body bits! Evidently some anonymous seller put the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini’s blood and brain up for auction on eBay with the starting bid of €15,000. Geez, I hope it comes in a jar! eBay pretty much freaked when they saw the ad and quickly pulled it. Because lets face it,  eBay pretty much prides itself in not selling human body parts of dictators and friends of Hitler! Mussolini’s neo-fascist granddaughter, Alessandra, was horrified that anyone would think of  selling her  family heirloom (well you know what I mean!) . She was under the assumption that his remains were at the Milan hospital where his body was taken after he was hanged at the end of World War II.

Marmite Bandit

For over a month the Shell Garage in Kingsthorpe, Northants has seen all of its jars of Marmite vanish from the shelves. Don’t look at me I hate the stuff! The shop has been forced to stop stocking the spread until the thief is caught. So far 18 jars have vanished. Despite the culprit being caught on CCTV camera the jars continue to vanish. In one raid he stole all but 2 jars but the next day he came back and took those too! No one has a clue what he is doing with the condiment but some have suggested he might be using it to hide drugs because it would hide the smell of friggin anything! So if you happened to know anyone with a shit load of jars in their cupboard you might want to give the police a buzz or not!

Now Have I Got A Tip For You!

OK, here’s the thing people who don’t tip because the service was crap, you may end up handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car. Well, shoot me down with a feather, Pennsylvania couple Pope and John Wagner, who were eating with friends at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem were so pissed with the poor service they decided not to pay the mandatory 18 percent gratuity charge. Next thing they know the bartender had rung the police and they were being hauled to the police station in cuffs and charged with theft. Hmm, now think about this real hard Lehigh Pub, was the $16 tip worth all this bad publicity?

Psst Note how I refrained from any Pope or Bethlehem jokes!

Top Model Daul Kim Found Dead

RIP Daul Kim

South Korea is yet again mourning one of it’s rising stars. Top model Daul Kim has been found dead in her Paris apartment from an apparent suicide. In the last few years South Korean has been rocked by a spate of suicide of well known singers and actors including Choi Jin-sil, Jung Da Bin, Yuni, Yeo Jae-gu and Ahn Jae-hwan.  While it is too early to speculate the reasons, fingers are once again being pointed at the high pressure of fame and the loss of identity. Ms Kim’s latest blog entries indicated she was struggling to cope, writing in one post she was “mad, depressed and overworked”. RIP Daul Kim.

Chicken Nugget

What the Bok!

Here’s the thing would-be jewelery thief, stuffing gold into a cooked chicken’s backside ain’t going to make it any easier getting stolen goods through those new metal detectors. An employee at Browns Jewellers in Johannesburg has been busted big time for trying to get gold passed the newly installed detectors. Geez, he must have been away the day the staff got the “poultry pilfering” memo. Anywho, now thanks to this wise guy, women are no longer allowed to wear underwire bras because the metal detectors are too friggin sensitive and security don’t want to have their hands that full!

 

Psst I wonder how much has been stolen prior to the new security?

Very Fowl!

A dyslexic chicken made an unexpected visit to the Durango City Council meeting yesterday in Colorado, where they were discussing a recently-passed backyard hen ordinance. After a little bok,bok, bokking and feather flapping the chook laid an egg and left. Everyone loves a chicken who has a healthy interest and respect for local politics.

Man Dies After Sitting in Recliner For 8 Months

WTF!

OMG. Paramedics warned 550lb Daniel Webb about sitting in his recliner after returning home from hospital with a  sore knee because it would be very difficult for him to get up later. But Mr Webb wanted to be left in peace in his favorite chair and had no intentions of getting out it anyways. Sadly, when paramedics returned eight months later, Mr Webb was still in the recliner never having left it, not even to go to the toilet. Even worse  his body had become physically stuck to the fabric and firefighters had to cut him out of the chair to be taken to hospital, where he died a few hours later.

Mr Webb, who was only 33 and a former preacher, would post sermons from his chair but was too embarrassed to ask for help (What, he was a friggin blogger, that is some bloggers ass!). He slept in it and even went to the toilet in it….oh and his wife cleaned it up, if you were thinking what I was thinking!. They had been married for 2 years after meeting on MySpace (she found a keeper!). Police reported that when Mr Webb was removed from his mobile home, via a hole they had to cut out of the wall, he weighed 800lb and was covered in sores . The wife said they  had no medical cover and couldn’t afford the hospital bills.

Just Blowing In The Wind!

You talking to me?

You stupid goddam dumbassed burglar, how many times have I told you never, ever, attempt to rob 91 year old Robert Thompson’s house ? Hello, not only has he got a friggin rottweiler named Rett, the Purple Heart World War II veteran sleeps in the nude!

Dear god, a drunk  Jose Pascual will never forget the night he decided to break into the Lake Worth home. No siree, some memories are hard to erase, like  being confronted with a gun toting elderly naked guy and a kick ass snarling canine. When police finally arrived, they found a slightly bleeding Pascual being held at bay by the fearless duo. Pascual’s  injuries were sustained when the adrelin pumped Thompson fired a warning shot at him for good luck. He later told police “I think the guy was scared to death. He was screaming.” Ya think Purple Heart World War II veteran?

Santa, Is There Something You Aren’t Telling Us?

How do you think we can afford all those friggin presents?

Holy drug paraphernalia Santa! Custom officers at Los Angeles Harbor were mildly amused to discover that a shipping container from China marked “Christmas ornaments” was full of bongs , pipes and other drug paraphernalia. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph get your sorry asses over here right now! All and all the shipment was worth an estimated $2.6 million and included 316,00 bongs and pipes. Hmm, expensive friggin tree decorations Santa! So far there have been no arrests ho,ho,ho! but authorities say the content will be destroyed. Bah humbug people!

Psst Obviously you didn’t have to be good for goodness sakes this year,  Santa had organized pressies for naughty kids too . Bad Santa!