Friggin Belly Button Fluff

I have been fluff free since 2004

Hmm, most of us aren’t even aware of the existence of belly button fluff. But if you wiggle your finger inside your belly button (innies only) you might just catch a piece of fluff with your fingernail. Well, now it seems a chemist who has studied 503 (not 502 or 504 but 503) pieces of fluff from his own belly button for three friggin years has discovered that body hairs are the culprit behind the fluff. These hairs trap lint (from clothes), fat, dead skin, dust and sweat. All hail Georg Steinhauser (outstanding work).The good doc discovered that small pieces of fluff first form in the hair and then end up in the navel at the end of the day’. Ewh, the hairs act like barbed hooks that drag  minuscule fibers into the belly button (wow). And this information helps us how? I want to know why on earth we have barbed hairs on our body dragging crap into our belly buttons?  That can’t be good!

Galileo Pulls a Finger in Florence

Its this finger right?

Want to pay to see Galileo’s finger? Come on, it is his middle digit of his right hand people, an important finger!It will be mounted on a marble base and encased in a crystal jar.It’ll be fun. It’s to celebrate Galileo’s 400th anniversary of his first observations in the skies and what better way to celebrate than an exhibition of his finger, right? Well, maybe one of his eyes would have been more appropriate but they weren’t in particularly good nick as poor old Galileo had a degenerative eye condition and was pretty much blind by the time he died. But hey, a finger is just as good. Galileo, who frequented the earth from 1564 to 1642, was condemned by the Church for teaching that the Earth revolved around the Sun and in 1633 was tried and convicted of heresy by the Inquisition. Ah, so now I get the reason for the finger! It will be on display in Florence for the whole of March, don’t miss it!

Friggin Air Toilet Tolls

You know the world is in deep shit when airlines start charging passengers to use the toilet. No frills airline Ryanair is living up to it’s reputation by announcing it will be installing pay to use toilets.Chief executive Michael O’Leary doesn’t seem to think there is anything wrong with that hmm, in his own words “One thing we have looked at in the past and are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door so that people might actually have to spend a pound to spend a penny in future.” Oh dear, they may have to consider putting plastic covers on the airline seats because I think there might be a few accidents as some people try to hold on and cross their legs. Hmm, deep vein thrombosis here we come!. Great, that is all we need, people peeing in the aisles or worse still, into their empty coke cans!

Dunne The Right Thing

Friggin scooter got no guts!

Don’t worry Stanley it could have happened to anyone. 90 year old Stanley Murphy was just going to buy a newspaper on his zippy little mobility scooter when he took a wrong turn and ended up on the A27 in Shoreham, West Essex. Hmm, problem was his scooter could only manage 8mph. Slightly confused and disorientated Stanley just kept on going  in the middle of the slow lane despite cars whizzing past him at 70mph. Ah that was until a kindly motorist came to his rescue. Mr Dunne spotted the scooter chugging along in the lane and rang the police. In the meantime he followed behind with his hazard lights on to warn motorists of the wayward pensioner. When the police arrived Mr Dunne put the scooter onto his pick-up and delivered it safetly to Stanley’s home.All hail James Dunne. As for Stanley, he’s sticking to the off ramps in future.

Fat Finger Error Indeed

Holy blowfish sushi Batman, a trader at the Japanese branch of the Swiss bank UBS made a big boo-boo. Instead of ordering £220,000 worth of bonds he ordered £22 billion (whoops).Luckily for the unnamed trader it was done out of trading hours and the error was picked up. Hmm, not so lucky are previous “fat finger” errors (blame the friggin computer) in 2005 a dyslexic trader for Mizuho put 610,000 shares on the market for 1 yen instead of 1 share for 610,000 yen. That little mistake cost the company 40.5 billion yen (hate to be at that share holders meeting!). Ooh and 2001 a Lehman Brothers dealer wiped £30 billion off the London stock exchange after ordering shares sales in two companies 100 times larger than intended. Blame them fat fingers!

Oh Those Russians

Viagra can kill!

OK guys when you are approached by two woman to join in a 12 hour sex fest just say no, even if they offer you $4,300. The two women bet Russian mechanic Sergey Tuganov that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with them for the half day sex romp. Hmm, they were wrong, Sergey more than won the bet but died minutes later of a heart attack. Oh it seems the secret to Sergey’s success was a bottle of Viagra. I am guessing Sergey didn’t bother reading the fine print on the bottle after he downed the whole lot. Poor Sergey dead at 28 but with reputation intact.

Two Kids For a Cockatoo

Hey, do I get the kids room?

Donna Greenwell thought she had a pretty good deal swapping her two kids for a cockatoo and $175. Paul and Lynn Romero were desperately trying for years to have a child and well Ms Greenwell really wanted a cockatoo. A match made in heaven. Hmm, the deal was negotiated after Ms Greenwell (from Louisiana) noticed a flier selling a cockatoo for $1500. After inquiring about the feathered friend and hearing the Romero’s tale of woe, she offered up the 5 year old boy and the 4 year old girl in exchange for the bird. Oh boy, here is the clincher, they weren’t even her kids! Now the kids are in state custody, the Romero’s are free on $5,000 bond (price of three cockatoos) and that Greenwell woman is being held in jail whilst the police investigate if she has sold other children in the past.Good luck with that. Oh and no word on what happened to the cockatoo!

Rodent Headdress Anyone?

Photo AP

French-born hairdresser and wigmaker Charlie Le Mindu has caused quite a stir at London Fashion Week. Hmm, lets see, his creation consisted of a headdress made from mice and rat carcasses (real ones people!). Ugh, the unlucky brave model paraded up and down the catwalk with her face plastered veiled with dead rodents, including the friggin rat tails dangling down. OK and if you we wondering if Le Mindu is scared of PETA here is his response “It’s better to make them (the rodents) beautiful than give them to the snakes.” Ewh, wrong answer. And pray tell, where does he think one would wear his design? No people, not at a flea market!!!

Thank Goodness For Pre Paid Funerals

Urgh, what stinks?

Oh dear,  funeral director Harold Watson Sr from Alabama has got a bit of explaining to do after he was accused of letting a body rot. Hmm, seems in Alabama when a family fails to pay the funeral bill the done thing is to leave the body to decay in a parked hearse (who knew!).Edna Kathleen Woods, who died of natural causes, was suppose to be cremated but the relis forgot to sign the necessary papers or pay the bill (whoops slight oversight ).So anywho, Mr Watson Sr stored the body for over a year whilst trying in vain to locate the family. In the end they loaded Edna’s body into a cardboard box and locked it inside one of their hearses before removing the battery (the hearse’s, not Edna’s) so it couldn’t be moved. It took about 2 months before people began complaining about a foul odor and police were called. Gosh, imagine what Edna’s family must think? Oh hang on???? Mr Watson is currently free on bail but will probably lose his funeral director’s license if found guilty of abusing a corpse.

UFO Has Landed In Romania

Its a friggin roof people!

Cut it out people, it isn’t a friggin UFO. Google have requested that netizens kindly stop reporting a UFO sighting on Google Earth. The object in question is the  friggin roof of an abandoned water facility in woodlands in Romania, alright! President of the Romanian UFO Network who went to investigate the unidentified object said “It is just a water pumping facility that used to supply Timisoara city in the past. There was another similar building a few miles away.” Hmm, conspiracy theorists aren’t too sure and continue to question the silvery object.  Here’s the thing, if it suddenly disappears from the satellite images friggin panic, otherwise go look for Atlantis!