I Swear Those Coyotes Barked At Me

Boo!

Anyone who decides to put cardboard-cut-out coyotes in a park to scare off geese, so they will stop crapping all over the place, are just asking for trouble. As you could probably guess within a week the Southern Ontario park was minus the two coyote cutouts…vandals. Oh well, it was worth a try. Enter real story. Hmm, seems the case of the missing coyotes has been solved and it wasn’t no vandals. A jogger, out for an early morning run, had the bejeezus scared out of her when she came across the cutouts, believing them to be real. She sprinted to a construction site where she promptly told a worker a coyote had barked at her (no people, it wasn’t a wolf whistle, stay focused).The worker rang 911 and one thing lead to another and well, the cutouts are now sitting in the Sarnia police station (and have been for quite awhile). In the mean time the geese are having a ball pooping to their hearts content. Hey, its a slow news day!

A Problem Down Under?

Ah someone sent me this viral email and I thought I would share…now I know why they say “I come from a land down under”. What was the guy saying I wasn’t listening?

The Fall of the Beautiful People

Yeah I know its cruel but how often do we get to laugh at the beautiful people? A little montage of runway falls…

Oh dear lord here is what happened when a local designer made her “thank you” speech. Honey I wouldn’t get up either…hide, play dead, whatever you have to do I say…

A Bird In The Hand

Its a friggin thankless job Bob but the hours are good!

When you see two pigeons carrying little bags near a prison it can’t be good. Nope, it seems Brazilian prisoners have been using carrier pigeons to smuggle contraband in and out of Danilo Pinheiro Penitentiary for some time. How does that work? It isn’t like a homing pigeon would know which cell to knock on! Fortunately I wont have to rack my brains figuring it out. Hmm, because  the little scam was uncovered when penitentiary agents noticed the two pigeons panting outside the prison. Carrying cell phones and chargers is kinda hard work. Ah well, back to the drawing board boys.

Happy Feet

And now our friggin heads are hot!

Holy disposable chopsticks Batman, Tokyo sidewalks are going wooden. The 80ft experimental wooden sidewalk has been installed in Nihombashi district to see if it helps to keep pedestrians feet cooler during summer (dear god fingers crossed). The new sidewalk is made up of chipped thin cedar, a mixture of woodchips and cement and blocks made from thinned wood. Hmm, if successful I wonder what Lebanese forest will be destroyed to pave the whole of Tokyo? The Nihombashi Miyuki Street Road Experiment Association is hoping the new wooden footpaths will release heat faster than asphalt or concrete because we know how important it is to keep our feet cool during this time of global warming! Ooh and the sidewalks are said to be more aesthetically pleasing (what, nicer than concrete?) and whats more they let off a pleasant scent of cedar which is soothing to the pedestrian (and a distraction  from car fumes). Ooh and if they give Britain a ring they may find out where to order the eco friendly chewing gum so it doesn’t stick to the wooden blocks.

Geez I hope they are fire retardant. Could be a real bummer, no more happy feet!

Honey Why Are My Undies Pink?

Painesville, pretty in pink!

And here I was thinking it was a red sock in the laundry.People of Painesville, Ohio, it was a friggin chemical feeder malfunction, not your wives, who have turned your undies pink, I swear. Seems Painesville have a little problem with the water pouring from their faucets…it’s pink. That’s what happens when too much potassium permanganate gets released into your water supply. Hmm, don’t worry it isn’t a health risk but your whites may turn pink because it does stain (not harmful but stains?).Never you mind, your trusty Painesville water department are onto it and are this very minute frantically flushing hydrants and adding more crap into the water to clear the discoloration. Good luck with that.

Serial Killers Have Rights

Serial killers want fair trials too! Dear god, pig farming serial killer Robert “Willie” Pickton’s trial wasn’t fair? Recap…he’s the dude that killed 6 prostitutes, chopped them up in a slaughterhouse and then fed them to his pigs. Hmm and now his attorney Gil McKinnon wants a retrial …reasoning (other than more money)? Seems the attorney has picked out a few errors in the 2007 trial which saw his client found guilty of second degree murder and given a life sentence “a defendant has a right to a fair trial “no matter how heinous the allegations.” Did I happen to mention Picton still has another trial to go for an additional 20 murders and the police are hinting he could have killed up to 60 more.

No Reason To Pine

Ouch!

I am sorry, but if you are lonely and want to satisfy yourself, please don’t use a pine cone, it is gonna hurt. A poor sex starved spinster from Belgrade has had to endure two hours of painful surgery to remove the offending article from her hmm ….you know what…after it became stuck. From all accounts Ms Gavaric is recovering well, though slightly embarrassed and still not satisfied. You wont be seeing that on an episode of Greys Anatomy anytime soon…but then again.

Afterthought: Mirjana Gavaric may want to consider becoming pen friends with the Maryland couple!

Thought to Ponder : If medical info is confidential and can only be released with the patients permission..what was she thinking???

Bummer Day For Somali Pirates

When you are Somali pirates it isn’t smart to try and attack a NATO ship. The pirates apparently mistook the FGS Spessart for a commercial merchant ship and tried to attack the naval vessel.Whoops wrong boat…run for it boys. Poor fools were then pursued by three ships, a frigate, a helicopter and a plane. Geez those seven pirates must have been cursing the day. Hmm, talk about taking this piracy seriously, isn’t that like one warcraft for each pirate? It was reported when they finally boarded the pirate ship they seized “several” weapons. Hmm is that like two or three? Bless, a NATO spokesman said: “Poor judgment by the pirates turned out to be a real opportunity for seven nations representing three task forces to work together and strike a momentous blow for maritime safety and security.” I think I would have dropped “momentous”.

A Little Hard To Swallow

This is not at all amusing

It’s that time of the year again, the Oakdale Testicle Festival.For $50 you can sit down and chow into 400lbs of bull’s balls (brings tears to your eyes). Oh, come on it is all for a good cause the Oakdale Cowboy Museum and the Rotary Club. Hmm, I suppose we should be grateful they don’t have a ball, as in dancing, what would one wear? And I swear if someone says they taste like chicken…..
Of course you want to see a video…it includes a testicle preparation segment..don’t be shy…