And You Thought No One Would Notice

Wow, the Prime Minister has great eyesight!

I am guessing it was a particular word that caught the eye of Croatian Prime Minister Jadranka Kosor and not her master of the English language that lead to a cameraman’s immediate sacking. During a government session Kosor spied one the  RTL TV cameraman wearing a “I don’t need sex. The government f**** me every day” t-shirt.  Kosor was so shocked and insulted by the act she requested his immediate dismissal (well, his t-shirt said it all really!). In his defence the cameraman said he wore it because it was the only clean t-shirt he had. Sounds right!

Gorilla in The Mist

Geez, you should have seen his face, priceless!

Hmm, it is either a case of too much Saki or there really was a someone in a gorilla suit. An employee of Jimmy’s Japanese Hibachi was taking out the trash when from out of the darkness came a gorilla who proceeded to punch him in the head. OK, it wasn’t a real ape just someone in a gorilla suit but it sounds way better. Then like out of a Jackie Chan movie he wrestled the gorilla for awhile before running back into the restaurant (oh, with the gorilla in hot pursuit). As the gorilla ran to the cash register, our brave “Jimmy’s” employee grabbed a meat cleaver and whacked it into the gorilla’s arm. Last thing he remembers is seeing the gorilla flee with the cleaver still stuck in the suit.

Alma Mater

King of Papal Pop

The ultimate Christmas gift for someone who has everything. Why not get them the Pope Benedict XVI Christmas album. Yippee. Wouldn’t you just love to hear him chanting to some of the best known prayers in Latin, Italian, Portuguese, French and German? Hmm, it is also rumored he may even throw in some modern classical music. Colin Barlow, the president of Geffen (the people who gave you Guns n’ Roses, Elton John, Donna Summer and Snoop Dogg) said “The Pope has got almost a lullaby tone to the way he sings,”. Does that mean it will put you to sleep? Oh and before I forget, some bad news for the ipodders amongst us, no downloadable songs, you’ll have to buy the Cd. Bummer.

Honey Where’s Our Car?

You are 7 years old and don’t want to go to church, what do you do? Steal your dad’s car of course. Bless, the seven year old was so determined not to attend the Sunday sermon he took off in his dad’s Dodge. The kid reportedly ran a few stop signs and swerved all over the road at 45mph (because his feet could hardly reach the accelerator) with the cops in hot pursuit. He eventually made it home and went running into his house to hide. Of course I have footage of the little devil in action…

Lethal Weapon

Run for your life it ponks!!!

OK, I must admit I have gagged on many a person’s perfume, but please! Thirty four staff from a Texas call centre at the Bank of America were taken to hospital after a co-worker squirted some perfume in the air. Hmm, let me guess, was it cheap and nasty? Mass hysteria ensued with people complaining of dizziness, chest pains, headaches and shortness of breath. Many feared it was a chemical attack by terrorists (Eau de Anthrax). In total, nearly 150 people were affected by the fumes and 12 ambulances were required to transport the most badly affected. Fire fighters believe “psychosomatic behaviour” was behind the number of people who fell ill to the perfume. Hmm, or just a really good excuse to get off work! People, are you sure it wasn’t just pepper spray? No word on the name of the perfume but the French are confident it ain’t one of theirs!

Psst : Did I happen to mention they are planning to build an infectious disease facility in Kansas?

This incident reminded me of a viral email…. Shopping in Israel

How Badly Do You Want To Become a Mom?

And one day I will tell all about your birth.

A baby has been found alive after being cut out of mother’s stomach by what appears to be a murder and an unborn baby-napping. No, no, no, people, cutting babies out of women’s stomaches is wrong (oh unless it’s a caesarean, then you’re fine). But people, that is way too sick for words. Here’s something to consider…maybe next time wait until the baby is born and then steal it?  That way when you eventually get caught you can plead insanity and maybe get let off with a lesser charge? Darlene Haynes was 8 months pregnant when her friend (say what?) Julie A. Corey, allegedly decided to kill her and cut out the baby to keep  for her very own (ah, how maternal). Hmm, because that’s what nurturing moms do! The alarm was raised after the landlord discovered the decomposing body of Darlene in a closet, minus her unborn, after complaints of a bad odor. Ms Corey remains in custody. Oh but on a brighter noter, the baby appears to be fine, an orphan, but fine.

At First You Don’t Succeed

Ah, what's another one to look after?

Adda girl that’s the way. A pregnant woman in the UK,  who has already had 13 of her children taken away, said she will continue giving birth until she is allowed to keep one. So far the longest Theresa Winters has every kept one of her children is two years before social workers come a knocking and take them away. Which is probably a good thing because the terrible two’s can be a real bitch! Despite Ms Winters conceding that the social workers were probably right in taking away her 13 previous kids, due to neglect, she now accuses them of denying her the wish to have a family.Hmm, of the 13 children, four of them were born with a rare and degenerative condition which is genetic link to the parents.Ms Winters sister says ‘It’s pure spite. As long as she is not allowed to keep a child her attitude seems to be that she will get her own back by making the authorities pay to look after them and bring them up.”

One Way To Get Out of Work

Run, it's going to blow!

Employees at JPMorgan Chase in Columbus, Ohio, ran for their lives after someone found a boxlike device in one of their conference rooms. The box had lights, wires and a timer. The building was evacuated for three hours, two of which was spent by the bomb squad laughing their asses off. The device in question was a timer used for people delivering presentations. The light on the box is used  to warn the speaker that their time is up. Anywho, it wasn’t a complete waste of time the  paramedics came in handy, treating a few of staff for heat stroke.

Psst Guess who’s the butt of office jokes now…boom!

Rare Insect Murdered

Noooo! Now what are we going to tell them?

Oh dear god say it ain’t so. A rare pink katydid, that the handlers at the Ohio Department of Wildlife had been grooming to put on show at the Ohio State Fair, has been murdered. And not in a good way. Seems poor little pinky had been attacked by a parasitic wasp who then injected her with its eggs. The eggs hatched and the offsprings ate their way out, leaving the Katydid with no internal organs. Damn parasites! So far no rare pink  insect replacement has been found.

Voyeurism Doesn’t Pay

Dude!

OK, here’s the thing Sultan Al-Sayed, no judge in his right mind is going to believe the reason you had your face under a cubicle door, while a little girl was changing, was because you had a toothache. Al-Sayed told the judge he was merely putting his cheek on the cool tiles to relieve the pain.Hmm, which doesn’t really explain why he had a mirror. The Saudi national had gone to the Colchester Leisure World with the intend purpose of spying on people changing in the cubicles. He’s got 9 weeks in jail before he will have his sorry ass booted out of the country. Good luck with doing that back home!