Ah Shit

And the dumbass award of the week goes to the three would-be muggers who approached a woman and her toddler in a car park, pulled a gun and pepper sprayed her before taking off with her bag. Yeah the diaper bag. Un friggin lucky! Should be a nice little deposit or two in there!

Tastes Like Chicken

OMG how gross. A woman who became so pissed off with her partner during a domestic, she fried up his pet goldfish and ate them, well, three of them. Despite what could only have been a painful demise for the helpless creatures the Pasadena police said they weren’t going to lay charges.

Psst Dear god I hope they didn’t have names!

Oh Don’t Mind Them, Plant A Few Trees!

When Geering & Colyer Estate Agents listed a quaint little 1930′s fisherman’s cottage for sale in Dungeness they were inundated with interest. Hmm, but real estate agents, just like used car salesmen, have the knack for telling little porkies and this one was exceptional. The quaint little 1930′s cottage sounded absolutely fab in the real estate advertisement but when prospective buyers came a looking, they were shocked to discovered it was overshadowed by the enormous Dungeness A and Dungeness B nuclear power stations. Whoopsie, did I forget to mention that, my bad? One peeved buyer said “These power stations are literally at your front door – there is no escaping them, they are gargantuan.”
The Estate Agents defended their obvious omission by saying the power stations are just part of Dungeness.

Psst Look on the bright side you wont need to use the lights at night, ever!!!! Here is the blessed little cottage in question!

iSnack 2.0 is History

After a backlash from hell, Kraft have decided that it just isn’t worth trying to convince Aussies iSnack 2.0 was a great name for the black yeast extract that was previously known as Vegemite. Hmm, guess it’s back to the drawing board boys.Kraft have announced iSnack2.0 is toast. Despite Kraft already selling 3 million jars of the new creamier version, the name has created such a stir, they have decided to go back to the 48,000 name suggestions and pick a friggin better one!

Psst Anywho, since when has Vegemite been considered a “snack”?

Dumbass Burglars

This morning as I trolled through one of my favorite blogs, The Mad Hatters (waiting for them to wake the friggin hell up), I noticed one of my other favorite bloggers, Two Yorks and a Bean had  posted  one of the funniest failed burglar attempts I have seen. So funny it was, I thought I would share with the loons who don’t get out much! No, no, trust me people, you will laugh! Major dumbasses!

Robber With Low Tolerance To Nagging!

Yeah, run home mamma's boy, friggin wimp!

It really wasn’t Takashi Owata’s day when he decided to rob the Sunkus convenience store in Fukushima. Hmm, not when a 59 year old female was working there anyways. No one was going to do no robbing on her shift. When Owata demanded money the woman hurled abuse at him, screaming “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Despite Owata wielding a stick at the now angry woman, she continued to verbally abuse him, so much so, he eventually  left, pulled out his cell phone, rang the police and confessed to trying to rob the store. He then walked 400m to the police station and handed himself in. Ah, the old “mamma knows best”,  guilt trip works every time! Even Dr Phil would whip your butt for not sticking up for yourself…wimp!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho It’s Off To Work We Go!

So who's laughing at us now ?

OMG. No really, OMG. A  group of pissed off Chinese dwarves, who had it up to here (or a little bit lower) with being bullied and discriminated against by the non vertically challenged, have turned themselves into a tourist attraction. No I swear, it’s true. The 120 residents of a private mountain commune in Kunming, who banned anyone over 4ft 3 ” from entering, have had a change of heart.They have turned their village into a friggin theme park, which includes mushroom houses and the little people dressed up like fairies. Hmm, nothing like perpetuating the myth. Good luck with that!

Psst I know where you can get a nice log cabin on wheels!

2nd Psst Wanna see them? Check out the photo at The Sun.

Killer Sleepwear Recall

I don't know, something about a bed bug nightie!

OMG, in the wake of the massive Toyota killer floormat recall, Aussie retailer Big W have urgently recalled potentially lethal boys and girls sleepwear. Everyone panic again! Yes, if you or your precious snowflake happen to be wearing Pink Sugar, Bed Bugs Girls Single  Nighties or  Nite Club  Boys Nightwear get them the hell off NOW!!!! They all failed flammability standards. Yep, you know that “low fire danger” tag? It just ain’t true. Little kiddies could combust into a big flaming ball of fire if they stand too close to anything remotely resembling a  heater, candle or ciggie! Ah, it reminds me of the good old days when synthetic dressing gowns were all the fireball rage!

Psst I wonder how flammable they really are to make such an announcement? Whoosh!

Sound Of One Hand Clapping

I object !

OK here’s the thing Kansas City district court judge, please stop masturbating and swearing during divorce mediations, it can be very off putting! Judge Kevin P. Moriarty allegedly was choking the chicken and asking inappropriate questions about Kimberley Ireland’s  underwear and sex life, during her divorce mediation. So bad was the judge’s behavior even her estranged hubby was horrified enough to testify about it. But when Ms Ireland filed a complaint she claims Mr Moriarty stopped jerkin’the gherkin long enough to carry out a vendetta against her. She claims he used his influence to discredit her and had court personnel write false letters to the commission attacking her.Oh boy, Ms Ireland is suing for loss of income, reputation, inconvenience, insult, mental distress, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety and emotional pain and suffering.

UPDATE : Hmm, seems Ms Ireland may have been telling some porky pies about Judge Moriarty. Thanks to Alison for links to NBC Action News. Hope you have got yourself some good lawyers there, Ms Ireland.

Killer Floormats On The Loose

I've got one!

Toyota recalls 3.8 million vehicles because of a deadly floormat. Everybody panic!  Yes, if you own a Toyota, step away from the floormat NOW!!!! Authorities believe the drivers side floormat is  responsible for at least 5 deaths and 17 crashes. If you see a loose one, proceed with caution and carefully remove, before notifying Toyota immediately. The deadly mats can be lurking in any Toyota made in the last six years and more than likely are lying in wait for an opportunity to force down the accelerator.

Psst US car makers last seen celebrating and high fiving! Oh what a feeling!