Found it!
Attention people, if anyone in Tennessee comes across a cylinder shaped package with two rods inside, friggin run, it’s radioactive!!! Fed Ex seems to have misplaced the motherload which is probably glowing in the dark as we speak! The rods are used to calibrate hospital equipment and/or nuke the living hell out of ya.
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Fed friggin Ex carry that crap? Remind me to NOT OPEN THE DOOR next time they arrive with my ebay stuff. I’ll just yell out ” leave it at the end of the street!”