Rapture Checklist

Jesus!!!!

Have we all made out our Rapture checklist….we haven’t got long to go you know? Remember, end of the world, doomsday, May 21st , Sheez. OK, here’s my plan, as only 3% of us will get to sit at God’s feet, we probably need some rope, in case some of us get separated from the rest. Check. As far as we know total annihilation will be performed by Jesus , so I’m hedging my bets I might not be in the 3%ers so I’ve bought Cliff Notes on Buddhism, Judaism and a few others just in case I need to bunk down at the toes of some other, hopefully more forgiving, God. Check. I have made my last donation to the Seattle Atheists “Rapture Relief Fund” who are raising money to help those of us who are left behind. A very worthy cause. Check. I have packed a spare change of clothes to cover my lifelong fear that people in heaven are naked. I can’t imagine heaven having a Walmart. Check. Book my pets into Eternal Earthbound Pets- post-Judgment Day boarding facilities which includes a free pick up on the 20th. Brilliant, won’t have to worry about them. Check. I have built a makeshift outhouse from Susi Spice yogurt loaves just in case the shit does hit the fan. It could survive a friggin nuclear winter plus doubles as a food source! Check. Hmm and if all else fails, move over Scotty, I’m squeezing into your Cadillac Escalade. Check.

6 Comments

Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!

6 responses to “Rapture Checklist

  1. I could see you pulling those Cliff Notes out at the Pearly Gates for the FINAL exam.

  2. Fairy Face

    People are naked in heaven?????? Lol.

  3. Lynn

    If heaven has a Walmart, then perhaps you’re in hell.

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