Is Your Kid A Psychopath?

Want to know if your kid is a psychopath? Wonder no more.  The University College London can tell you with a simple brain scan. Scientists there have been testing kids between 10-16 to see if a certain region of their brain shows reduced activity when they see images of people in pain. If they do, viola, you have a potential psychopath on your hands. Hmm, not really sure what you do with that information but maybe you should start by hiding the pets

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UFO Nearly Takes Out An Airbus

If anyone knows what is yellow and blue and can fly 35,000ft, two Glasgow pilots want a word. The pilots were flying an Airbus 320 over Scotland, with 200 passengers on board, when the unidentified flying object came within meters of the plane.  The object came at them so fast they had no time to dodge the thing but luckily  it whizzed under the plane. It was a perfect sunny day and both pilots saw the object very clearly but when they radioed Glasgow Airport control tower to report the incident the tower claimed they had nothing on their radar. Hmm, yellow and blue? Sounds like the aliens are getting rather lavish with their spaceship designs in their old age.

Burglars Make Fatal Mistake

Attention burglars of Hampshire. The dudes that broke into a caravan on a building site in Eastleigh might want to plonk everything they stole into a sealed bag and hightail it to hospital  immediately to seek medical help. Whoopsie, seems they broke into a decontamination caravan  full of lethal asbestos covered clothing worn by workers on the demolition site. Evidently they opened the sealed bags and rummaged through the clothing that were covered in the deadly spores.

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Boston Marathon Bombing

Thoughts and prayers go out to all the runners and spectators  injured during the bombing of the Boston Marathon today. A despicable and cowardly act . Two explosions near the finishing line have so far left three people dead and numerous spectators and runners injured. A suspect is believed to be in custody in a local hospital.

The city is currently in lock down and cell phone services have been temporarily cut off.

Psst For those of you following  Robert Decastella’s amazing indigenous runners, they are all safe and sound.

Deadly Squid

No need to panic just quite yet, but a live bomb was found inside a squid caught off the coast of China. The 3lb explosive narrowly missed kabooming at a fish market when the squid was cut open. Local police suspect the rusty bomb had fallen into the ocean from a fighter jet. Hmm, sounds suspiciously like a Kim Jong Un suicide squid squad to me.

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Frightening Statistic

Come back here, I’m not a sociopath

Just remember this the next you turn to eHarmony for a mate, an estimated 4 per cent of the world’s population are sociopaths…that’s like  278  million people. So the odds are you are going to find a few.

OK, I know what you’re thinking, how do I know if my date is a friggin sociopath? Well, if you aren’t murdered on the first date,  here’s what to look for ….

Sociopaths don’t all look like Charles Manson
Sociopaths are charming
Sociopaths are usually highly intelligent
Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people
Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse
Sociopaths invent outrageous lies
Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe all the lies they tell
Sociopaths seek to dominate others and “win” at all costs
Sociopaths are incapable of love
Sociopaths never ever apologize

Thanks A Friggin Lot NASA

OK loons, you might want to scratch NASA and Bruce Willis off your contact list. They ain’t gonna save you if an asteroid comes a calling. In fact, the advice from NASA’s chief is ….. pray. Yep, he says, no can do to saving our sorry asses if an asteroid comes hurtling towards us. Evidently, NASA have found 95% of  all asteroids that are big enough to wipe out civilization but they say none pose an immediate threat. No word on the 5% by any chance? And anywho, the big ones aren’t what we should be worried about, the fact that NASA didn’t see the Russian asteroid coming makes me more way more nervous and makes me question what the hell they do all day? Hmm, now where did I put my hard hat?

 

Three Rogue Dolphins On the Loose

No need to panic loons, but three rogue Ukrainian dolphins are on the loose. Oh, I meant three of their navy’s “killer” dolphins are on the loose and they are trained to attack. Feet out of the water. The navy are being a bit hush-hush about exactly what killer dolphins are capable of but I wouldn’t be patting one if I were you. Kaboom!!!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Leave Us The Hell Alone

Leave us alone

Attention Loons, is anyone interested in a Victorian style mirror that has brought nothing but  bad luck, misery, financial problems and illness to its owners? Well if yes, it could be yours. The owners have thrown the haunted thing on eBay. Mrjoiee, from London and his flatmate rsecued the mirror from the rubbish after their landlord had thrown it out, but since mounting it on the wall the pair have had nothing but feeling of impending doom, illness and money woes. Needless to say there hasn’t been one friggin bid. If you want it click here …oh and make sure to read the description.

What The hell NASA????

OK, I know, I know, I said no need to panic, but WTF????? A meteorite shower scared the living beegeesus out of people living near Moscow today. It is being reported nearly 400 people have been injured.