Could This Be The End Of LG?

Where you want, Kimmy

The good news today is the US have finally located  North Korea’s  2 missing nuclear missiles …… the bad news is they are ready for launch. Life ain’t so good.

Oh No, He Has A Floppy Disk

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Kim Jong Un produces a floppy disk. Does anyone have Windows 3.0–Windows NT????

North Korea Declares a State of War

Oh for crying out loud Kim Jong Un you are making it very hard for the Loon to know what to wear with all your talk of kabooming the US and South Korea. Yeah, I know Hawaii, Washington DC, Los Angeles and Austin, Texas are marked on your really big map but I would just like to know if you have any intentions of sending a rocket my way. I have a hard hat at the ready but I’m not sure whether to drain my jacuzzi or not. I have also purchased a North Korean phrase book , just in case . Oh and before I forget could you keep your chanting of ‘death to the U.S. imperialists’ down as the South Koreans are trying to sleep. Word on the street is Obama has Dennis Rodman at the ready for negotiation talks and the UN are frantically writing their strongly worded letter. In the meantime I will be sleeping with one eye open.

Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un

Dear lord, will we have to call on Dennis Rodman to save the world? Seems that crazy way-out ex basketball player has got his funk on with none other than out favorite North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

Rodman believes the key to calming the despots hatred of the West is through  “basketball diplomacy”.  Which would explain why he is in North Korea to film a HBO doco series on basketball camps for children. During his chinwag with the despot, Rodman told him “You have a friend for life”.  I think I just threw up a little.

Psst Following an exhibition match Kim Jong Un proceeded to get the US crew wasted with alcohol.

North Koreans Are Really Hungry

Horrid rumors that North Koreans have been forced to eat their babies to survive horrific famines have been reported. It is feared up to 10,000 people have become victims of cannibalism. In other news Kim Jong Un has put on a few Christmas pounds.

Unbaby

Breaking News - OMG, another Kimmy has baby news, Kimmy Jong Un has just become a daddy for the second third first time. Bless, a new little Kimmy for the world to ponder. Hmm, I bet he won’t be changing diapers.

Sexiest Man In The World Blasts Off

Guess who’s been scaring the beejeezus out of the world’s superpowers? That would be the dastardly sexy Kim Jong Um. Seems he’s finally managed to get a rocket into orbit which has been no mean feat for this North Korean demi-god. It’s taken 15 years and 5 goes to get something up but he has. Yay him. Now all he has to do is lasso the moon and he’s set.

No Not A Unicorn I Meant Dragon

North Korea have retracted a statement claiming they have discovered a unicorn’s lair. Hello, it wasn’t a unicorn’s lair because that would be silly. No, it was in fact the lair of a mythical beast which has the head of a dragon the body of a deer and the tail of a cow. Sheez, glad they cleared that up.

Kim Jong Un Is Sexiest Man Alive

Sexy

OK, one more time China, The Onion is a satirical website. They like to pull the piss. So don’t go reporting that Kim Jong Un has been voted 2012′s “Sexiest Man Alive”, because it just isn’t true. Chinese newspapers missed the obvious sacrasm and published parts of The Onion’s article in their world news which went along the lines of ….. “With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true,” Tsk, tsk China.

Mourn or Die

No one puts Kim Jong Il in the corner!!! One of North Korea’s senior military men was executed in spectacular form for drinking during the 100 day mourning of Dear Leader. Kim Chol was forced to stand on a designated spot before being blown to kingdom come by a mortar round.  Seems Kim Jung Un has been systematically killing removing senior officials of their duties in a clean up operation.