Love Spell Fail

If you pay $212,000 for a fortune teller to cast a love spell to bring your former lover back and it doesn’t work, don’t be breaking into her house to get your money back and then have a panic attack when police come to arrest you. It will so not impress your ex. I’m just saying.

Psst Spain

You Should Have Just Run Away

Oh for the love of Patty Hearst, what were you thinking? Atlanta college student Aftab Aslam  was failing his English classes so he did what any 19 year old kid who is scared of his parents would do ….  he bought a new cellphone and texted his parents he’d been kidnapped. For one long, cold week poor Aslam camped out in the wilderness but it got too  rainy so he reluctantly returned to face his parents and the numerous charges… that include making a false report, false statements, tampering with evidence and terroristic threats. His parents must be so proud.

Psst Hmm, I’d be going for the ” No speaka da Engrish” excuse if I were him.

Mugshot Suspension

OK, here’s the thing student from Georgia. Don’t be posting no mugshot you found of your high school principal on Instagram and claim it was for DUI when it was for something else or she just might attempt to have you arrested. Fortunately for the kid the cop refused so she suspended him for spreading misinformation.

Want sauce with that?

Kiss Cam Fail

The moral of this story is never, ever ignore your girl during kiss cam at a Fresno Grizzlies game ….. just saying.

Psst This one should work they took the friggin copyrighted music off.

Carnival Game 1, Henry Gribbohm 0

Good grief, some dude in the US used his entire life savings on … wait for it… a carnival game. Yep, he lost the lot ($2,600) trying to win an Xbox Kinect  by throwing balls into a bucket but instead got himself an enormous stuffed yellow banana with dreadlocks for his troubles. Oh for crying out loud Henry Gribbohm when you lost the first $300 you should never have gone home to get $2,300 more.  And as for Xbox Kinect, you should give him a freeby for all the publicity the loser  Henry is receiving.

Shopping Cart Rage

A woman in Germany maybe charged with premeditated assault after she rammed her shopping trolley into the heels of another shopper during a fit of shopping cart rage. The incident happened when the woman got pissed at another shopper for not letting her pass in line. So enraged she left the line and attempted to pay for her purchase at the info desk. After being told no, she stormed out of the store. As luck would have it as she was leaving she spied the other woman so she grabbed her cart and rammed it into her heels. Unfortunately for her, witnesses grabbed her number plate as she fled the scene. When police arrived at her home a short time later she told them “I lost control of my shopping cart, it’s not like they have anti-lock brakes,” Meanwhile, the victim was carted away in an ambulance.

Can’t Take A Trick

Pawning your wedding ring for $20 to pay for a prostitute is no way to go through life son,  especially when you get caught by cops. Might have a lot of explaining to do to your missus….just sayin. Hmm, I don’t know which is the saddest, getting only 20 bucks for the ring, spending it on a $20 hooker or getting caught?

Want sauce with that?

The Ninjas Did It

Telling people you were shot by  ninjas is no way to go through life son. The teen, who rocked up to hospital with a gunshot wound to his groin, originally told police he’d been shot by two men dressed as ninjas but when police found no evidence at the scene the kid confessed he had accidentally shot himself. Not cool to be telling that to your gang members.

You Suck

What’s the odds you get a friggin bitchy teller when attempting to rob a bank? Sheez. Some dude attempted to rob a New York bank by handing over a note to a teller which read “I have a bomb. Give me some money now”.  The teller responded with a curt, I don’t do notes, go fill out a withdrawal slip. The dumbass obliged, but wrote the same message on the slip. When he handed the slip back to the teller she told him to swipe his card, while  informing a colleague, in Spanish, they were being robbed. Meanwhile, the frustrated robber told her “Ma’am, I ain’t got no time for this,” and grabbed a fistful of lollipops before storming out. Hmm, maybe next time you should bring something that ticks?

Want sauce with that?

Fan Rings Police To Complain About Referee

A Manchester United fan was so pissed at the referees decision to give star player Nani a red card during the Champions League match against Real Madrid he rang the Nottinghamshire police to report a crime. He told the cops he was disgusted at Turkish referee Cuneyt Cakir for his decision to send-off the midfielder.