But You Said ….

OK, here’s the thing, don’t be pushing your suicidal friend off a bridge into the path of an oncoming train just because she was ‘too scared to do it herself’….. especially if she survives….and especially if she can’t recall asking to be pushed.  That’s an attempted murder charge and three years jail right there, mother of six.

Kiss Cam Fail

The moral of this story is never, ever ignore your girl during kiss cam at a Fresno Grizzlies game ….. just saying.

Psst This one should work they took the friggin copyrighted music off.

How Are We To Get On Pinterest Now

Attention good people of Syria, don’t bother ringing your internet provider because the whole country has lost friggin internet connection. In other words you might want to seek shelter as the last time it happened all hell broke loose with military kabooming and stuff…. just saying.

This Is Not A Family Photo Album

Dear student. Just letting you know we are saying a big hell NO to publishing your yearbook photo because posing with your baby will promote teen pregnancy for goodness sakes. Love North Carolina high school.

Psst Hmm, well they shouldn’t have asked students to bring a prop that represented an accomplishment or interest then!

Want sauce with that?

Businessman From Hell

Businessman James McCormick must have thought he had it made. He had a successful business selling bomb detecting equipment to the military, police forces and government departments around the world (mainly Iraq, Egypt and Kenya) . His glossy brochures, which boasted about “the secret chip” that enabled the device to successfully located bombs hidden under ground or underwater, meant he could sell them for $40,000 a pop. Problem was, his bomb detecting equipment was a rip-off of a cheap novelty golf ball finder product that sold for $20 in the US. Damn thing was as useless as the novelty product, and the “secret chip” that he added into the design wasn’t connected to anything. In fact, the device had no moving parts. It is unclear how many innocent lives were lost because of the deceitful Mr McCormick but what is known is he made over $100 million selling them. But as all good things come to those who wait Mr McCormick will be spending the next 10 years in jail.

Carnival Game 1, Henry Gribbohm 0

Good grief, some dude in the US used his entire life savings on … wait for it… a carnival game. Yep, he lost the lot ($2,600) trying to win an Xbox Kinect  by throwing balls into a bucket but instead got himself an enormous stuffed yellow banana with dreadlocks for his troubles. Oh for crying out loud Henry Gribbohm when you lost the first $300 you should never have gone home to get $2,300 more.  And as for Xbox Kinect, you should give him a freeby for all the publicity the loser  Henry is receiving.

Sibling Rivalry Problem Solved

Oi, oi, oi, a man in London has been arrested for killing his brother while at the funeral of their other brother. I know, crazy , right? Evidently, the brothers got into a heated argument during the funeral which lead to the younger one being stabbed to death. Sheez, the next funeral  is going to be awkward.

Are You Nuts?

In the continuing effort to maintain the Nanny State tradition, a British supermarket has removed Whole Hearted Roasted Monkey Nuts from their shelves because, wait for it ….. they don’t have a peanut content warning. Who’s a monkey’s nut now?

Psst Are people with nut allergies that foolish?

 

Burglars Make Fatal Mistake

Attention burglars of Hampshire. The dudes that broke into a caravan on a building site in Eastleigh might want to plonk everything they stole into a sealed bag and hightail it to hospital  immediately to seek medical help. Whoopsie, seems they broke into a decontamination caravan  full of lethal asbestos covered clothing worn by workers on the demolition site. Evidently they opened the sealed bags and rummaged through the clothing that were covered in the deadly spores.

Want sauce with that?

Homeless Jesus Homeless

Seems the Catholic church isn’t too receptive to displaying a bronze sculpture depicting Jesus as a homeless man sleeping on a park bench. Canadian artist Timothy Schmalz, has had his piece “Homeless Jesus” rejected by two prominent churches.  Well not, by the rectors, they loved it, and got the whole “Jesus identifying with the poorer citizens” theme but by the higher powers that be.  They thought it would be too controversial.