Humiliation Is Complete

An Irishman in Cork decided to see if he could fit into a toddlers high chair at a McDonalds. The answer was pretty much NO, after it took three cops to extract him from it.

 

Silly, Silly, Burglars

Of all the idiotic things to do. Three men decided to burgle a house in Texas (their first mistake).  When they were confronted by the home owner they locked him a closet . …. the gun friggin closet. It wasn’t long before the owner came out with his guns a-blazing. Run burglars , run.  Needless to say they fled… with a few additional puncture wounds, of course. Oh the humanity.

You Only Knocked Over One Pin

OK, here’s the thing mister, don’t be carrying a revolver in your short’s pocket while bowling. That’s a strike …. in the leg. Seems when he went up for his turn he struck his leg with the bowling ball and kaboom.

Psst Florida

Mayan Pyramid Bulldozed

Oh no, one of Belize’s largest Mayan pyramids has been bulldozed so the rocks could be used for road fill . Awkward. The 2,300 year old structure was on private land, but Belizean law states that any pre-Hispanic ruins are under government protection. Criminal charges are expected to  be laid against the construction company. Hmm, so anyone know how to piece together a really friggin old Mayan pyramid?

Run He Has A Pressure Cooker

Attention all Saudi students living in the US, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT be seen walking around the neighborhood with a pressure cooker or you may find your house surrounded by armed FBI agents. Any one for kabsah? Seems the student had just made a big pot of rice and was taking it to a friend’s house. As you were agents.

But You Said ….

OK, here’s the thing, don’t be pushing your suicidal friend off a bridge into the path of an oncoming train just because she was ‘too scared to do it herself’….. especially if she survives….and especially if she can’t recall asking to be pushed.  That’s an attempted murder charge and three years jail right there, mother of six.

Is There A Horticulturalist In The Building

Walk away nothing to see here. New York police responded to a call about a marijuana farm being grown on the rooftop of a Brooklyn apartment building only to discover they were friggin tomato plants. The dude that rang the police said “When I saw them, the first thing I thought was ‘Oh, my God.’

Hey Boo Boo

My bad?

A Florida woman is still wondering how the heck a bear managed to locked itself in her 2003 Toyota Matrix and then proceed to rip it to shreds. The unnamed bear had a yabadabadoo time stripping the seats to the metal, eating the head rests, chewing the steering wheel and scratching the heck out of the headlining before the woman’s father managed to open the door to let it out.

Psst Maybe it got pissed because it couldn’t drive a manual?

Friggin Scratch-and-sniff Cards

Relax nervous people of Great Falls, that natural gas leak you thought you could smell was actually all those discarded scratch-and-sniff cards the gas company produced to educate customers about what a gas leak smelled like . Woohoo, it worked!  Evidently, as the garbo truck drove around town it left the smell in its wake, resulting in several buildings being evacuated and locals running for cover.

Hand Up, Who Farted?

You know what I hate? When you think you can squeeze out a silent fart just as Judd Trump  lines up for a shot in the Snooker World Championship semi-final against Ronnie O’Sullivan and it goes all terribly wrong. I really figgin hate that. Sheez, I just hope it wasn’t smelly too.

Psst Thanks Susi Spice  for this gem.