The Friggin Loon

Tsk, Tsk, Julia Gillard

frigginloon — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 00:29:35 +0000

Seems that whole “Aborigines vs Julia Gillard” fiasco was caused by none other than one of Gillard’s own staffers. Awkward. ~~Spin Doctor~~ Media adviser Tony Hodges resigned yesterday after it was revealed he had actually tipped off someone connected with the Indigenous activists about the leader of the opposition’s comments concerning the tent embassy. It is alleged Mr Hodges leaked “grievously misinterpreted” comments and then revealed the location of Tony Abbott, in what appears to be a bungled attempt at embarrassing the leader of the opposition. It is not clear what Mr Hodges told them, but gathering by their angry reaction, it wasn’t pretty. The opposition are now demanding a full inquiry over the massive security breach and what the hell was said to entice such anger.

Psst Oh and by the way, Julia got her shoe back but odds are she won’t be putting that back on her foot.

Want sauce with that?

Ghost Boat Ends Up In Spain

frigginloon — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 23:56:18 +0000

Hello, this is Spain, I hear you lost a pleasure boat? In 2008, Scott Douglas and his brother in law were enjoying a fishing trip off the the coast of Nantucket when a massive storm blew in. The pair eventually had to abandon the 26ft Queen Bee and swim for their lives to shore. Enter 2012. Spanish officials have found the now barnacle and rust covered craft 20 miles off the coast of Spain. Wow, that was some trans Atlantic drift. Unfortunately ,as Mr Douglas has already received an insurance payout for his AWOL craft, technically the boat belongs to Spain. Enjoy!

Psst The journey saw Queen Bee pass New England, Canada, Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, across the northern Atlantic, Greenland, Ireland before making a right down the European coast to Spain. Hmm, I bet the guys wished they stayed on the boat during the storm now!!!

Attention, Special Delivery for the UN

frigginloon — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:07:14 +0000

Oh shit!!!

Whoopsie, some Mexican drug cartel’s head is going to roll . Yep, a fool stuffed 16kg of cocaine, worth $2 million, into two fake United Nations bags without an address (or return address) and sent it to Ohio. DHL’s delivery center then promptly sent the bags to the UN headquarters in New York. A spokesman for DHL said “It is my understanding that because there was no addressee, the DHL just thought well that’s the UN symbol so we should ship it on to UN headquarters and let them figure out who it was supposed to go to,”. Hmm, the UN must of got a nice surprise. Now they can send a strongly worded letter to Mexico drug lords.

Are You Awake?

frigginloon — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:17:36 +0000

OK, here’s the thing roomie, you wake me, I WILL club you senseless with my bat, OK? The victim had popped home to pick up a few things for a sleepover at a friend’s place when he and his mates woke up his roomie (who happens to also be his nephew). Nephew goes ballistic and starts whacking his uncle with a baseball bat leaving him with a fractured skull and severe swelling on his brain. Hmm, that’s going to make Christmas get togethers a bit awkward.

Hey Julia, Want Ya Shoe Back?

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 23:22:33 +0000

If it wasn’t embarrassing enough that Australia’s Prime Minister was humiliatingly dragged from an Australia Day awards ceremony due to Aboriginals behaving badly yesterday. The protestors are now threatening to put the shoe she lost in the tussle on eBay. Activist Pat Eatock who is in possession of the size 36 blue heel said “She can’t have it, this is going on eBay,” she said. “We are going to see if we can get some money for the (tent) embassy.” In typical double standards, authorities say they will not lay any charges on the aborigines who terrorized people (including the PM and the opposition leader) gathered in The Lobby restaurant. Pathetic. “White” man moons the Queen and he’s treated like a friggin criminal. How can we call this country a democracy when we kowtow to minorities in so called “fear” of being called racist.

Psst Tent embassy is an area in Canberra that for 40 years has been occupied by Aboriginals protesting land rights.

Happy Australia Day

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 02:46:57 +0000

Happy Australia Day to all the Aussie loons. Despite it being 41 degrees, the Loon is heading to the Perth foreshore for fireworks tonight!!!

Psst I’m still scratching my head over why Geoffrey Rush was announced Australian of the Year? Hmm, I was expecting Julia Gillard to give it to herself!!!

Kosher Bagel Shop Bought By Muslim Men

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 02:13:32 +0000

Settle Loons, this is a feel good story. The Coney Island Bialys and Bagels store , the oldest bialy bakery in New York City, was facing closure due to hard eonomic times. Enter Zafaryab Ali and Peerzada Shah, two Pakistani Muslims. Ali, who had previously worked there for 11 years and his friend Shah bought the place and have been continuing the old fashion Jewish tradition ever since. Steve Ross, the grandson of the original owner, who sold the bakery to the men, is constantly on hand to help out. Ali and Shah use the same ingredients and traditional baking methods as the previous owners to keep everything kosher. Ali says, “Kosher and halal is very, very close, like brother and sister, maybe twins.” See Loons, a feel good story.

Test Driving my New Car

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 01:28:25 +0000

Just call me the Friggin Hoon ….

Porn Star Has Penis Insured

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:45:46 +0000

Here’s a Trivial Pursuit question for you. How much did the British porn studio Brazzers insure their number one porn star’s penis for? Hmm, if you said a million bucks, stand up and clap. After Keiran Lee had a medical exam, to make sure his thingamajiggy was all fit and healthy, he was given the stamp of approval. Here’s the bitch though, the policy doesn’t include loss of penis and, if by some strange chance, the family jewels gets injured, his boss gets the pay out. Porn stars aren’t bright, are they?

Psst I wonder if the policy includes impotence? A curious Loon wants to know!!!

Landlord Kills Tenants

frigginloon — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:37:14 +0000

Work with me here Arthur “Arturo” Anaya, if you kill your two tenants because they didn’t pay the rent, how are you ever going to get it? Didn’t think it through, huh? Mr Anaya is accused of shooting dead Theresa Vigil and her daughter’s boyfriend following an argument over rent. Ms Virgil and her family were living in a mobile home on Anaya’s property when he stormed over and shot them in the head with a handgun. Sad.