You must keep seat belts on at all times due to UNEXPECTED turbulence.

Hmm, two Alaska Airline flight attendants are suing the national weather forecasting service AND the US government  after they were injured in  friggin turbulence. Donna Dacko and Inga Isakson were on a flight in 2007 when the aircraft was hit with unexpected and unreported severe turbulence. One whacked her head on the ceiling of the aircraft and tossed six rows down the aisle, while the other one slammed her head into a chair and was found in a pool of blood and frothing at the mouth. So anywho, they believe the Weather Service International and the Air Traffic Organization should have warned them about the severe weather.

Psst Haven’t planes got friggin radar… sue them! And besides don’t flight attendant know the friggin risks of flying? Geez, as passengers we are told it enough times!

I just didn't get the last bit!

You know what I hate? When you record an educational video over your porn tape and then show it to your grade 6 health class, I really hate that! Oh, especially when you haven’t erased all the porn. Stefano Eudoxie-Wojedubokowski, a teacher (OK, now former teacher) from Beverley Acres Public School, grabbed one of his old videos and recorded a film about Swine Flu over the top of it. What he didn’t know was when the Swine Flu film finished it cut back to the adults only film. Awkward. Despite it taking a few seconds to race to the front of the class to turn it off, most of the 30 plus students had a short lesson in oral sex by two naked men. Mr Eudoxie-Wojedubokowski has since been transferred to another school. Students 1, Eudoxie-Wojedubokowski 0, Health education 0.

OK, I really haven’t a clue what this kid is playing but I fear it kinda sounds a little like me when I sing along to a song on the radio.

Psst I do get whiffs of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours”

James Bain has spent 35 years in jail for raping a child. Sounds bad huh? Well only if he had friggin done it! DNA has proven his innocence, not that it will give him back even a second of what he has missed out on. Mr Bain was given a life sentence in 1974 for the kidnapping and rape of a 9 year old boy. The evidence relied heavily on the victim’s eyewitness identification of the attacker, describing him as having a mustache and bushy sideburns. It was the boy’s uncle (a former high school principal) who later said it fitted the description of a former student Mr Bain. Despite Mr Bain having a solid alibi (watching TV with his sister) he was arrested after the boy picked him out of a photo line-up.

Psst The first thing Mr Bain (54) did on his release was ring his elderly mom on a mobile phone, something that didn’t exist when he was locked away in 1974, to tell her he was a free and innocent man.
2nd Psst Mr Bain is expected to receive $50,000 for each year he was in prison.
3rd Psst Merry Christmas Mr Bain.

No more showing your tweets!

Oh for goodness sakes who the hell are the friggin “Iranian Cyber Army”? Seems they are determined to wreak havoc on the internet with blatant disregard for social networking sites and the art of proper English. Is it because we turned our avatars green? The so far unknown group redirected Twitter traffic to a website that wasn’t particular US friendly. It read in part – “U.S.A. Think They Controlling And Managing Internet By Their Access, But They Don’t, We Control And Manage Internet By Our Power, So Do Not Try To Stimulation Iranian Peoples To…. NOW WHICH COUNTRY IN EMBARGO LIST? IRAN? USA?” . Hmm, how the hell do you stimulation Iranian peoples? I think I prefer not to know!

Psst That is definitely worth a defriending on Facebook.

You know sometimes we just don’t fully appreciate what journalists have to go through to deliver us the news.

OMG, death by TV remote control. Paul Harvey has got to be one very unlucky man. After a little tiff  (OK a cocaine fueled one) with his missus, Gloria Laguna, he hurled a TV remote at her head and killed her. The fluke throw happened to land right on a weak artery at the back of her head resulting in a massive brain hemorrhage. What friggin luck (I can never find my remote!). He will now spend three years behind bars.

Not really news, but I thought you would like this image in your head. Some naked homeless man in Vero Beach ripped down some Christmas decorations at the Carvel Ice Cream shop!

Boo!

You know what I hate? When a friggin aggressive brown tree snake coils up on a shelf next to two sleeping kids and has a major hissy fit. Hate that. The two little kids aged 1 and 4 were sleeping peacefully in their Cairns home when the friggin snake writhed onto a book shelf between them and began knocking off the books (not an avid reader I presume). Enter unsuspecting mom. As she turned on the light the grumpy rogue arched to strike, scaring the bejeezus out of her. Children-snake , snake – children! For 20 minutes the beast kept the woman at bay , if she so much as moved closer to her sleeping kids  it  reared itself into the strike position. Enter snake hostage negotiator David Walton, who said he hadn’t seen anything like it and that it was the biggest brown tree snake he had ever friggin seen.

Psst Hell yes they are venomous!

Can the person/s who stole the infamous ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ (Work sets you free) sign, which hung above the main entrance of the former Auschwitz death camp, please return it ASAP. No one thinks it’s funny!