If you pay $212,000 for a fortune teller to cast a love spell to bring your former lover back and it doesn’t work, don’t be breaking into her house to get your money back and then have a panic attack when police come to arrest you. It will so not impress your ex. I’m just saying.
A woman in North Carolina has been charged with assault using a deadly Bible . The woman allegedly used the Good Book to thump another woman, leaving her covered in cuts and bruises. No word on what the fight was about but I’m guessing it wasn’t Luke 6:29.
A multi-tasking, entrepreneurial employee of Wal-Mart has allegedly been operating a side business in the store bathroom. Yes, he’d been soliciting Wal-Mart customers for a little hanky panky in the toilets. In an act of pure genius he had been using Craigslist as his advertising platform for which to organise dates and times, then he’d toddle off during his break to perform sex acts with them for money. On the days he wasn’t working at Wal-Mart he would use the bathrooms at Crandall Public Library. Sheez, talk about a man in demand.
Want sauce with that?
When will these car thieves learn. Do not and I repeat , do not , carjack a Porsche if you don’t know how to drive a manual, sheez. The fool was a passenger in a stolen BMW when he jumped out , pulled a handgun on the Porsche driver and then attempted to take off with the car. Stall. Meanwhile the Porsche driver had fled down the road, flagged down a policeman and returned to find the fool still trying to move. That’s 55 months in jail right there.
Pawning your wedding ring for $20 to pay for a prostitute is no way to go through life son, especially when you get caught by cops. Might have a lot of explaining to do to your missus….just sayin. Hmm, I don’t know which is the saddest, getting only 20 bucks for the ring, spending it on a $20 hooker or getting caught?
Want sauce with that?
The alleged world’s biggest distributor of child pornography, John Shearen, has been arrested in Florida while he was in his basement downloading videos. Hmm, a workaholic it seems. Police seized between 500,000 – 1 million photos and videos and also found children’s underwear in his house which he claims HE wears. The raid happened on his 51st birthday. I’m sure there are a few people in prison waiting to give him a belated present.
The winner of 2009 “Latin American Idol” , Martha Heredia, has been busted for attempting to smuggle 2.9lbs of heroin into New York in the heels of her platform shoes. Hmm, makes for a good country song.
I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a kick out of painting my gates in the dark , naked?
A 76 year old pensioner in Cumbria has had to plonk his name on a sex offenders register after he got caught varnishing his back gates at night while naked. Yeah OK, he’s had 8 other convictions and admits he gets sexual gratification from being nude but he’s adamant that he doesn’t get turned on from being seen by others. Now the poor guy isn’t allowed to appear in a public place naked or wearing less than one garment of clothing except unless he’s in need of a medical examination.
When an aristocrat in England gets dodgy weed, of course he’s going to call the police and show them the crappy block of cannabis resin he was given. Unfortunately that’s an arresting and a fine right there.
Hey, what the …
A woman has been arrested for allegedly running up and down a street and kicking people in the genitals. Sheez, that has gotta hurt.