Lord Almighty

A woman in North Carolina has been charged with assault using a deadly Bible . The woman allegedly used the Good Book to thump another woman, leaving her covered in cuts and bruises. No word on what the fight was about but I’m guessing it wasn’t Luke 6:29.

Cheetah Attacks President

Winning

Botswana’s president got a nasty surprise while visiting an army barracks last week. He got too close to a cheetah at feeding time and it friggin bit/scratched him in the face. Oh, I have no idea what the cheetah was doing at the barracks either, so don’t ask.

When Ghosts Go Wild

Oh dear, a house full of  ghosts is giving a French family grief. Not happy to share the house, the ghosts have  resorted to throwing things at the family, and by throwing things I mean a chair in the face and a soap tray in the back. It also seems they don’t  like their friends either, a visitor was taken to hopsital after being stoned by one of the angry apparitions. Despite the arrival of an exorcist the family have decided to stay at a campsite while the local
council find them another place to live. Ghosts 1, family 0.

Smurfs Wanted For Questioning

Four Smurfs are wanted by police over a bashing in Melbourne. Evidently some poor dude bought cigs at a 7 eleven before being confronted by one of the Smurfs desperate for a smoke. After refusing to light the cigarette for the Smurf, the man was allegedly assaulted. Police believe the 4 Smurfs hold the key to what happened. The Smurfs were last seen trying to jump start a white VS Commodore.

Leave it To Beaver

A 51 year old Boy Scout leader from New York who was attacked by a rabid beaver (no, not one of NY housewives, silly!) while swimming in the Delaware River. How unlucky was that? Evidently the vicious little thing swam through the man’s legs and bit him in the chest, leg, buttocks, arm, hand and torso (ouch!) before he managed to grab the beaver and hold its mouth shut.  He then chucked it on shore where it was stoned to death by the scouts. A vet later confirmed it had rabies.

Reporter vs Ostriches

Why would anyone chose to do a report in a friggin field of ostriches. They sure do look like they enjoyed messing with him!

 

When Chimpanzees Go Wild

An American University student is in a critical condition in a South African hospital after two chimpanzees grabbed the man’s legs from under a perimeter fence and dragged him into their enclosure. The animal sanctuary houses abused and misplaced chimps. The man was taking a group of people on a tour when the incident happened.

Warning To Slow Moving Cyclists

It seems when it comes to slow moving men on push bikes on  small country lanes, Gloucestershire women in Lycra have very little tolerance, especially when stuck behind them in their cars. The fact that she was able to jog up to the fool and lay in to him, indicates he was going at a snail’s pace and probably deserved a little tongue whipping. Unfortunately the Gloucestershire police don’t seem to see it the same way and are wanting the pair to come forward. I’m guessing the kung fu kicking and slapping went a little too far!

Step Away From The Bieber Doll

A police officer who was arrested for beating his girlfriend in Denver claims she attacked him with a Justin Bieber doll. How old are these people, 8?

Psst Does the story warrant such a long article I ask myself? Sauce.

Anonymous Down Vatican Websites

God will punish you

Holy Heathens Batman. LulSec maybe  gone but Anonymous have still got some spunk, they have just taken down several Vatican websites because basically, they can. Oh and because they believe the Catholic church is corrupt. The hackers posted this statement on their Italian language version website “This attack is not against the Christian religion or the faithful around the world but against the corrupt Roman Apostolic Church,”