You Suck

What’s the odds you get a friggin bitchy teller when attempting to rob a bank? Sheez. Some dude attempted to rob a New York bank by handing over a note to a teller which read “I have a bomb. Give me some money now”.  The teller responded with a curt, I don’t do notes, go fill out a withdrawal slip. The dumbass obliged, but wrote the same message on the slip. When he handed the slip back to the teller she told him to swipe his card, while  informing a colleague, in Spanish, they were being robbed. Meanwhile, the frustrated robber told her “Ma’am, I ain’t got no time for this,” and grabbed a fistful of lollipops before storming out. Hmm, maybe next time you should bring something that ticks?

Want sauce with that?

Get a Job

Sometimes it is just easier to rob a bank. A female bank employee was taken hostage by some dude at her home in Phoenix and held overnight. The next day he drove her to the Bank of America , placed a friggin device around her neck and told her to get him money. The cops were alerted , he fled and the bomb squad rocked up and removed the device from around her neck, which turned out to be a fake bomb.

Bank Robber Demands a Dollar

I just need a buck!!!!

OK, here’s the thing mister bank robber, holding up a bank for a buck so you can go to federal prison is kind of pathetic. Even the teller had to ask if it was a joke (probably because he was a regular customer). The Pennsylvania man requested to be sent to Loretto Pa on one of the notes and “Federal bank robbery. Please hand over $1.00.” on the other. Police aren’t sure why but he now has a date with the judge.

Darth Vader Robs Bank In Toledo

Wow, we could never pull that off Spock!!!

Attention people in Toledo, police are on the hunt for Darth Vader, he was last seen fleeing a bank on a BMX bike with a bag full of money. Hmm, so if you happen to know someone who owns a Star Wars mask, a handgun and a cool bike, you might want to give them a buzz.

Friggin Ohio, the home of Bearman.

Epic Bank Robber Fail

A robber who held up a bank in Chicago, claiming to have a bomb, forgot to leave with the bag of cash. That’s friggin dumb.

Bank Robbing Fail

Oh for crying out loud. A would-be bank robber from Beavercreek in Ohio walked up to a teller and asked  for medical help before attempting to hold up the bank.He then kinda passed out and you can pretty much guess the rest. A piece advice from the Loon,  people with pre existing medical conditions should never take up bank robbing.

As American As Apple Pies

Yeah, about that Sacramento bank robber who claimed to be carrying a bomb in a fast food bag, it was actually a pair of McDonald’s apple pies. Step away, nothing to see here. Daniel Hegwood used the art of deceit when he walked into a Wells Fargo bank with his paper bag and told the teller he had a bomb. Shame he didn’t use the art of moving like a jack rabbit when he left with the cash because he got caught nearby.

Toothless Tiger

Hmm, I know....

A Pennsylvania  bank robber told police the only reason she robbed the First National Bank was so she could afford to pay for a set of dentures. Evelyn Fuller, who has no teeth, came forward after a man recognised the coat he had loaned her and squealed told police. Oh well, at least she will now get her wish ….and probably 20 years.

Want Free Health Care?

Free health, and you?

You know times are tough when you rob a bank for a buck so you can get free health care (compliments of the state). James Verone wrote a note for the teller reading  “this is a bank robbery. please only give me one dollar,” then told her he’d be waiting in his car for the cops. Reason? He had no medical insurance, no job and a truckload of ailments.Verone is hoping for a three year sentence so he’ll be able to have all his medical probs seen too and then when released he’ll be eligible to collect social security. Ta-da!

One Armed Bandit

Meanwhile, police in Albany, New York, are searching for a one armed bandit who robbed a credit union. He was missing his left arm from the elbow down. And no loons, he wasn’t armed!