Costly Mistakes

Hmm, so is it my right or his right?

Hey men in Britain, you may want to mark your dodgy testicle with a permanent marker when having it removed. Seems NHS has forked out over $1 million dollars in damages over the last 4 years due to surgeons removing the wrong one. Just saying.

They Will Never Look Here

If you are going to set up an illegal cannabis factory in Britain, where else to locate it but Pot House Lane. The 200 plants were discovered in a farmhouse in Pot House Lane,  Lancashire and have an estimated street value of £80,000.

Fifty Shades Of Frustration

If you ain’t getting any, I suggest you pack your bags and head to Britain so you won’t feel so alone. Evidently, the Brits get less sex than anywhere else in the world ..oh except for Japan, but they have the “thin walls” and “natural disaster stress” excuse. A recent survey has found that only 55% of Brits have sex at least once a week. But on a high note 72% of British men orgasm during sex…British women not so much (39%). No word on whether that is alone or with their partner!!!

Anywho, I know everyone is hanging out for the highest sexed up countries so here goes….

Top 5 countries that have sex at least once a week

1. Colombia 89%
2 & 3. Indonesia and Russia 88%
4 & 5. China and Portugal 85%

Top 5 Countries that spend most time on foreplay

1. Greece average 21.2 minutes
2. Brazil 20.8
3. Mexico 20.5
4. Switzerland 19.7
5. India 19.3

Someone Got A Match

Just a little advice from the Loon, if you don’t want the eternal flame on the Olympic torch to blow out, don’t take it white water rafting. I’m just saying. This is the third time the Brits have managed to accidentally extinguish the flame.

Most Stupidest Sport Ever

Shin kicking championships anyone? Dear god it’s bad enough when someone gets me with a shopping trolley!!!!

Bronze Age Boat Project Sinks

OK people, the key to building a replica Bronze Age boat is making it stay afloat, I’m just saying. A team of specialist archaeologists, who had spent 3 months painstakingly building a half sized replica of a 1500BC boat, were somewhat bemused when they lowered it into the Dover Harbour only to watch it take on water straight away. Hmm, sounds more like they built a stone age boat!

Want sauce with that?

Lucky Britain

Just a house warming present

Guess who wants to come and live in England with her five kids and meet the Royal family? Amal Abdulfattah al-Sadah, that’s who! Come on, you know her loons,  think? It’s Osama Bin Laden’s missus, the one that took a bullet trying to save him from the navy seals. She’s been booted out of Pakistan and wants to claim asylum in Britain because basically the rest of the world don’t want her. Her brother said “She wants to live a peaceful life now. I will convince Amal that she must stop contacts with al-Qaeda.” A cup of tea, love?

Want sauce with that?

Littering Is Littering

Bastards

A granny in Britain was fined £75 for littering by a council environment officer after a cotton thread fell off one of her gloves while she was shopping. Sheez, that’s going to cut into her £105 a week pension.

Want sauce with that?

Don’t Forget To Pack Your Teddy

Grow Up!

Oh for crying out loud, according to a recent survey it seems that 35% of adults in Britain still sleep with their teddy bears. Nearly half are men and one in ten single men will hide their bear from their girlfriends. Oh stop sniggering married men, 14% of you guys hide your teddy from family and friends. The average age of these teddies are 27 years old. Oh and did I happen to mention 25% of males participating in the survey said they took their teddy with them on business trips. Hmm, so the big question on everyone’s lips is …Do you sleep with your  teddy bear, Duncan?

Porn Star Has Penis Insured

Here’s a Trivial Pursuit question for you. How much did the British porn studio Brazzers insure their number one porn star’s penis for? Hmm, if you said a million bucks, stand up and clap. After Keiran Lee had a medical exam, to make sure his thingamajiggy was all fit and healthy, he was given the stamp of approval. Here’s the bitch though, the policy doesn’t include loss of penis and, if by some strange chance, the family jewels gets injured, his boss gets the pay out. Porn stars aren’t bright, are they?

Psst  I wonder if the policy includes impotence?  A curious Loon wants to know!!!