Hip Hop Artist Forced To Cough Million Dollar Reward Money

OK, here’s the thing hip hop artist, if you happen to get your laptop stolen overseas don’t be offering a $1 million reward for its return unless you really mean it. A New York hip hopper who reneged on the reward money has been forced , by a New York jury,  to cough up $1 million to a dude in Germany who found it while walking his dog.  What the hell was on the laptop? The singer is claiming the dude was the one who had originally stolen it. Well, if that’s the case that’s a double bummer.

Porn Watching Burglar Caught

Why are the keys sticking?

OK, it’s one thing breaking into random people’s homes  surf the net for porn on their computers but leaving behind lubricant and towels is just friggin gross. Now go wash your hands…sheez!!! The Oregon porn watching burglar was arrested and police say they have enough evidence to make the charges stick (ewh).

Here Pussy, Pussy, Pussy

A man in Australia has been arrested after he deliberately ran his sister down with his car after her cat pissed on his computer. She remains in a serious condition in hospital, bro has been arrested and the cat lives to spray another day.

Blue Screen Of Death

Alas poor Toshiba, I knew you well. A computer of infinite jest. Yes, my laptop has finally got the blues. I will miss your sticky “a” key and the way you like to crash at the end of my posts. Never has anyone been more stubborn in accepting new programs. I swear you searched for those trojans. So ta-tah, sayonara, bon voyage you useless piece of sh*t.

Psst By the way loons you wouldn’t happen to have a Windows 98 lying around, would ya?

Delete

OK, here’s the thing Amado Nicholas Hernandez, when giving your computer away at an estate sale make sure you’ve erased all the child porn images first. I’m just saying. Hernandez was arrested by the FBI prior to him leaving on a cruise  ship after  450 still images and 250 videos of child porn were discovered on a computer he once alleged owned. Whoopsie!

Name Change

In China not only can they take your land at a whim, it seems they can also force you to change your name. 200 villagers in Shandong province have been forced to change their surname from Shan to Xian. Reason? The character used to type it on a computer or standard Chinese word processing program doesn’t exist and be damned if they are going to hand write it. In response to this dilemma the government has ordered them to change their names. Many people now fear family history will be lost forever.

They’re Too Sexy For The Church

I can explain!

You know what I hate, when you’re a priest and you accidentally project your images of scantily dressed men onto a screen in your church instead of the DVD about the annual diocesan fundraiser (I know which one I’d prefer!). Awkward! Reverend Edward Lyman was setting up his computer for Sunday mass when the images were projected onto the screen by accident.Despite them being non pornographic in nature he was given the flick from St. Anthony, St. Bridget and St. John the Baptist parishes in Throop. Scandal diverted!