He Won’t Be Doing That Again

You know what I hate? When you see a car idling in a ditch with the windshield wipers on and decide to look for something to steal from it and find a dead body in the trunk. I really friggin hate that!!! Hmm, apparently so does the dude from Houston who discovered a man with a bullet hole in the head after he attempted to steal the speakers.

Body Found On Queen’s Estate

Human remains have been found on the Queen’s Sandringham Estate. Don’t worry, a royal head count has determined Fergie is still alive.

Want sauce with that?

Gramps Spontaneously Combusts

The coroner investigating the death of Michael Faherty (73), of Ballybane, Ireland, has declared it spontaneous combustion. Despite Mr Faherty found lying on his back  burned to a cinder next to an open fireplace, forensic experts have ruled out that  fire was the cause. The pensioner seems to have simply burst into flames leaving only minor damage to the area just beneath him and on the ceiling just above him.

Psst Hmm, maybe he got hit by a piece of space junk?

Dead Body On Roof

OK, here’s the thing minivan driver in Kansas, when you hit a man with your vehicle it’s courtesy to stop, NOT continue driving with the dead man on your roof. I’m just saying!  It is alleged Mohamed Sarrafizadeh hit the lawn mowing contractor as he was using a weed wacker along a street. The impact sent the victim flying onto the windshield and then up onto roof which had a luggage rack on top. Horrified motorists contacted police when they saw the body.  Sarrafizadeh was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

Psst It’s now been confirmed the man driving the van was a doctor!

Miracles Do Happen, Just Not This Time

A man in Wichita, Kansas, spent a week living with the body of his dead fiance hoping if he prayed hard enough she might come back to life. Sadly, the miracle didn’t happen. Police discovered the body of the woman in bed after relatives became concerned about her. Police believe there are no suspicious circumstances surrounding her death.

I See Dead People

Did you hear the one about the ....

Oh for crying out loud people, sleeping with a corpse is gross, telling jokes while she rots, friggin bizarre. Kiwi Gordon Hiett told the court he strangled his Thai sex worker girlfriend, Nuttidar Vaikaew, after an argument and then popped her in bed next to him. Then for the next month he lived with the rotting corpse, using an electric fan to minimize the stench. During this time Hiett cheered himself up he reading jokes to himself . The body was discovered after the landlord noticed the foul odor coming from his apartment.

Over My Dead Body

You sure do pong today, Missy!

OK, here’s the thing lady, if a homeless woman dies in your car, don’t friggin leave her in there for months, she’ll friggin stink. A woman in California was caught by police with a mummified body in her car. She explained that she had let the homeless woman use her car to sleep in but when she died she panicked…. thus the stinking , mummified body propped up in the passenger seat. Police believe the body could have been in the car for up to 10 months.

That’s Just Rotten

OK, here’s the thing funeral director, probably not a good idea to leave the decomposing body of a woman in a hearse parked under a tree for 9 friggin days because the stench will attract police and then you’ll have a lot of explaining to do. The David B. Lawson Mortuary told police they had picked up the body of Linda Walton after she had died of natural causes but had to wait on police to contact next of kin before they could cremate the body. So in the mean time under a tree she stayed. Oh and the mortuary said the body wasn’t in the hearse for 9 days it was 4 days OK!!!

You Might Want to Sit On A Chair!

You get use to the smell

OK, here’s the thing Alan Derrick, you can’t just roll your dead flatmate under a sofa for ten years, because you were worried you’d be evicted. When Denis Pring (his drinking partner) died in 1998, Mr Derrick panicked because he had been living in his Bristol flat unofficially, so he hid the body under his sofa. Hmm, despite the fact neighbors complained of  an awful smell and a council warden inspected the flat, no one noticed Mr Pring’s body. The source of the ponk was put down to an overflowing toilet and that was that. The body was eventually discovered by council cleaning staff in 2008 when Mr Derrick had moved out of the property. No criminal charges were laid due to his learning difficulties.

Gee, He Went All Out This Year!

When it is this close to Halloween you could be forgiven for thinking the dead body on the balcony was just a Halloween prop. An elderly man had been slumped on the third floor balcony for nearly a week in plain view.Neighbors had thought it was simply a Halloween prop and pretty much ignored it. But it was only after someone noticed blood dripping down from the third floor to the balconies below that the alarm was raised. It seems the man had shot himself. Whoops!

Psst Thanks Jammers for the story.