Feet Up Perth

Could Perth have a serial killer shark on the loose? A 3m white pointer is believed responsible for the death of an American man who had been diving off Rottnest Island today. Hello, this is the third victim in seven weeks. OK, no one is saying it’s the same shark but if it is…yikes! The man, believed to be on a working holiday, was diving alone when the shark attacked. By the time his friends saw the “flurry of bubbles” it was all too late. Authorities have now been given the all clear to kill the rogue shark. Hmm, aren’t all white pointers rogues?

 

Yachtsman Feared Eaten By Cannibals

Egads, an around the world yachtsman is believed to have been eaten by cannibals on a South Sea Island. Sheez, what’s the odds? Stefan Ramin and his girlfriend, Heike Dorsch, set off in 2008 for a trip of a lifetime sailing the seven seas but everything went horrible wrong last month when they dropped anchor at Nuku Hiva in French Polynesia. Ramin organised to go on a goat hunt with local guide Henri Haiti but never returned.Dorsch claims that Haiti return alone telling her there had been an accident before chaining her to a tree and sexually abusing her. Last week ashes and bones were found by police and they are currently being DNA tested to confirm that Ramin was murdered and eaten.

Has Happy Feet Become Shark Bait?

I guess we won't be getting our World Cup tees!

Look away Happy Feet fans, the wayward Emperor penguin may have been eaten. His tracking device stopped working on Friday leading many to believe the  directionally challenged bird may have became lunch for a shark. Some optimists, including scientists, think the tracking device may have simply fallen off. Either way, we will never really know the fate of the penguin, unless of course he ends up back on some New Zealand beach eating sand.

Psst It always ends in tears

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Doppelganger Eaten By Badgers

Oh my, some of you may remember Percy Foster, he’s an x rated dwarf porn star who is the spitting image of Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay and the star of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go. Well anywho, Percy’s been found dead in a badger’s den. Yes, I’m talking the home of the of those weasel type critters. The half eaten body was discovered by agriculture experts who were planning to gas the badgers in an area near Wales. No one knows how he got so deep into the animal’s chamber but investigators think it may have been suicide.

That Didn’t Go At All Well

Colton Guthrie (8) thought he was doing a good deed by donating his pet turtle to the Panhandle aquarium. That was until a friggin alligator ate it! Tomalina, the red-eared slider, had become too big for Colton’s home aquarium so the family took it to the Gulfarium to frolic with the other red-eared sliders. Tomalina was placed in an exhibit with the turtles and one slightly bemused alligator. You can pretty much guess the rest….bloodbath! Not to worry, as compensation the family got a special meet and greet with the dolphins. Oh and if you were wondering, after lunch the alligator went back to ignoring the other turtles. Pet 0, Alligator 1.