Land Of The Rising Temperature

No need to panic people but it seems Fukushima is having a little prob activating the cooling system in that damn reactor 4 and the temperature is rising and rising and …..OK, run people, run!!!!. The pool’s temperature is rising 0.26 degrees per hour and if by Tuesday if they haven’t fixed the problem, it will have reached danger levels of  65 degrees.

Want sauce with that?

Is it getting hot in here?

Oh crap!

Um yeah, about those  Fukushima nuclear reactors, seems one of them is heating up again. Despite the temperature rising above safety standards officials are saying there is no immediate danger. Oh and like they are to be believed! Quick, hand us some more water and boric acid solution and then run!!!

Pinch of Salt

Honey, they have given it the all clear

Japan officials have announced that the Fukishima nuclear plant is finally stabilized. No seriously, they did. Mr Noda said “The nuclear reactors have reached a state of cold shutdown and therefore we can now confirm that we have come to the end of the accident phase of the actual reactors,”. See. Hmm, I would still hold off buying a house anywhere friggin near it!!!

Honey, Why Is The Baby Glowing?

Hmm, yeah about that Japanese baby formula, if your baby starts glowing in the dark it’s probably because it contains radioactive caesium. Don’t worry none, the Meiji baby formula has been recalled, all 400,000 cans of it. Egads, the Meiji milk factory is guess where? Yes indeedy, 200 miles from our favorite leaking nuclear reactor, Fukushima. Sheez, lucky for Japan their rice isn’t….ah wait a minute…never mind, that’s been banned from export. Phew!

Psst It’s only the a safety precaution as the amount detected is under the totally freak out level!!!

Honey, Why Is The Car Glowing?

What’s worse than a used car salesman? A used car salesman selling radioactive cars. Seems some Japanese dealers are trying to flog contaminated cars from the Fukushima area to unsuspecting customers by re-registering them . One car was so bad that just sitting in it for just 2 hours would expose the driver to the maximum recommended dose for a year. Seems the cars are near impossible to decontaminate so salemen are trying every trick in the book to off load them to the public. Sheez, and everyone’s worried about carbon emissions!

Psst Don’t despair loons, fortunately the cars are so bad they can’t pass the export requirements.

Honey, why Is Your Crotch Glowing?

OK, the good news that the big cloud of radioactive sulfur that reached the US after the Fukushima disaster posed no threat to the health of Americans … hmm, yeah about that. Seems Sulfur-35 (technical name) finds it difficult to penetrate the body  but not so when inhaled. Hmm,  and guess where the radioactive sulfur likes to hang out in the human body?  Testicles guys, testicles.

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Good Grief Not The Beef!

Crap!

OK loons, you might want to put own your glowing green tea for a sec I got some more bad news, high radiation levels have been found in Fukushima cattle. Hmm, well at least they’ll be able to see their hamburgers in the dark!

Honey, Why Is My Urine Glowing?

OK, no need to panic Japanese people living near Fukushima nuclear plant, pissing radioactive urine is OK as long as you don’t eat contaminated vegetables as well. A professor of radiation biology at Hiroshima Uni said that we want residents to use these results to make decisions to friggin MOVE!!!! Ya think!

Want sauce with that?

 

Earless Bunny Panic

OK loons, no need to panic but WTF, an earless rabbit has  been born near Japan’s Fukushima nuclear plant!  Oh no, could it be  the land of the rising mutants? Maybe the rapture HAS began?

Fukushima Not Typhoon Proof

Seriously folks, what the hell did Japan do or say to Mother Nature to get her so pissed? Typhoon Songda is expected to hit Japan on Monday with winds up to 216km/h (134mph). Bad news…  they’re not sure if it’s heading straight for the Fukushima Nuclear Power plant. Oh crap and if by some horrendous fate it does hit the plant, expect radioactive material to be  flying everywhere, as they haven’t finished covering the reactor buildings. In other words, it aint typhoon proof!