Stop Looking, They’ve Found The Lost Da Vinci

Attention Dan Brown, Dan Brown to the front counter please, we think may have found a missing Da Vinci. That sneaky little artist  Giorgio Vasari may have thought he had the last laugh by hiding Leo’s masterpiece behind his “Battle of Marciano” fresco but those experts in Florence are on to you.The only problem, is the mural is hidden behind a friggin brick wall and the only way to get to it is through Vasari’s painting. Art experts are pretty sure it’s the Leonardo’s long lost work “The Battle of Anghiari” after discovering that grit removed from the wall contained black pigment and lacquer, which is very similar to what Leo used in his brown glazes (hmm, straw clutching?).

The missing painting was commissioned by Piero Soderini in 1502 and depicted the Italian knights defeating Milanese forces in 1440. Leonardo decided it was an opportune time to do a bit of experimenting with a new oil painting technique but from all accounts it was a bit of a failure so he left it unfinished.  Anywho, as rumor has it when Vasari, in the 1550s, was commissioned to remodel the hall and paint over Da Vinci’s unfinished work  he built a fake wall to protect it instead. Varsari then left a cryptic clue within his mural for Dan Brown like people to discover …..  “cerca trova,” (seek and you shall find). See, artist were so much cooler back then!!!

Psst They are already calling it a masterpiece when it was pretty clear Leonardo hated the stupid thing!!!

Christmas Can Sometimes Bring Out The Worst

Saddest Christmas story you will hear all day. A woman from South Carolina has been arrested after it was alleged she killed her friend in Florida and then hid the body under a pile of Christmas presents.Petty White’s crime unraveled when she began using the victim’s ATM cards as she traveled back to South Carolina and she was filmed on surrveillance cameras . Police believe Ms White was intending to rob her friend but at some stage it got ugly. Ho friggin ho!!!

Suitcase Escape Fail

Oh for crying out loud Juan Ramirez, please don’t tell me you tried to escape from  Mexican  prison by folding yourself into a suitcase dressed only in socks and undies? I could have told you this never works, especially when your girlfriend starts acting all nervous when she wheels you past some prison guards!

Something Fishy!

Where does a Florida woman  hide her fraudulent credit card and fake drivers license when pulled over by cops? Hmm, if you were Ann Marie Hernandez that would be the vagina. The 46 year old had $5,000 worth of items bought with the dodgy credit card in her car when  stopped by cops on Interstate 75. A quick search of the car failed to find any evidence of the card but when a female deputy was called to the scene, viola, there it was hidden away in her vagina along with a fake drivers license. Pity the fool who had the job of handling them!

Want sauce with that?

This Is Why You Shouldn’t Do Drugs

And I thought I was bad!

OMG, please tell me the vagina isn’t the new “handbag”!!! A woman who was suspected of robbing the Dunmore Inn was found to have 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty heroin bags, prescription pills and $51.22 hidden in her vagina. Police became sus when she began fidgeting in the back seat of the police car. They later requested a doctor to search Karin Mackaliunas’s privates and viola, cash and drugs. Hmm, that’s quite a big storage compartment.

Want sauce with that?

No Pockets?

Oh my, a homeless man from Florida who was arrested and thrown in jail had been hiding 30 items in a condom up his butt. Police, doing a routine search of cells, noticed a piece of condom sticking out of Neil Lansing’s rectum. When removed they discovered it contained pills,matches, a cigarette, a lip balm container, a pharmacy receipt, a coupon, lip balm, unused condom and an empty syringe (with eraser covering the needle).

Honey, Why Does This Mink Stink?

What the? Stephanie Moreland, who was arrested on suspicion of stealing a $6,500 mink coat from the Alaskan Fur Company in Minnesota, sat in jail for three days with it hidden in her undies (undetected).Damn, she’s good. She even modified her knickers for the fur theft, cutting out the rear so it looked as though she wasn’t  wearing underwear whilst all the time the coat was stuffed down the front. When police arrested her, Moreland denied having the coat.It was only after Bloomington police  told her she was being sent to a downtown jail did she lift her dress and produce the coat. Ta-da.

Psst Not all the dry cleaning in the world would…ah never mind!

Want sauce with that?

They’ll Never Look There!!!

Oh for the love of god Robert Livingstone, did you have to hide the $300,000 worth of jewelry up your butt? Sheez, now no one is going to want to buy them! When Livingstone nicked the gems from a display cabinet at the Burswood Casino in Perth, Western Australia, he allegedly sprinted off to a public toilet and began hiding it up his ass. When police found him in the loo they did a strip search and viola, they discovered more than just the family jewels. The fool was later taken to Royal Perth hospital for an internal search.

Donkey Cart Kaboom!

Three children, who were blown to smithereens as they played with a donkey cart in Afghanistan, were the nephews of tribal leader Fazluddin Agha.  Agha, who believes he was the intended target, said that explosives were hidden under a pile of fodder which was detonated remotely.I’m guessing the donkey didn’t survive the kaboom either! Terrorists are getting sneakier and sneakier!

Psst Wait till PETA get their hands on them, then they be in for what for!

Tickle Me Elmo

Oh for goodness sakes Ronald Washington, you shouldn’t be hiding your marijuana in your son’s Elmo backpack, especially when he uses it for kindy. Forward thinking Mr Washington rang the Menallen Elementary School and asked if his son had arrived because he needed to get something out of his bag. Damn straight school officials became suspicious and searched the little boy’s backpack prior to his daddy’s arrival, finding nearly 4 ounces of weed. Yes, the Pennsylvanian troopers were waiting when Mr Washington rolled up!