That’s No Way To be A Robber, Son.

You know you suck at robbery when you have to ask a Subway cashier for a pen so you can write a hold up note.The dumbass then sat down in a booth , wrote his demands on a piece of paper and then waited for all the customers to leave. When he eventually handed the cashier the note she pressed the alarm button. You can pretty much guessed what happened from there. Such is the life of a crack addict.

Epic Robbery Fail

OK, here’s the thing, when robbing a fast food restaurant do not, and I repeat, DO NOT  do it at your place of work AND especially when having just finished a shift. Make sure your disguise is good enough to fool the staff, who know you and can identify you and will mock you to the media with quotes like this “Apparently he needs to work on that disguise a little” . And finally,  don’t be rocking up to work on Monday to say hi to your work mates, especially when they are being interviewed by police. That’s an arresting right there. Stupid is as stupid does.

Psst Alabama.

Bumcrack Bandit on the Loose

Attention loons, the bumcrack bandit is at it again. Yep, a woman wearing low slung jeans and wielding a silver gun has robbed a hotel in Queensland. Media have nicknamed her the bumcrack bandit after her butt was exposed when she jumped over the counter and was caught on CCTV.She is believed to be linked to a police shooting. If by some weird chance you can identify her ass I wouldn’t approach her …Ewh!

Robber Rings To Complain

A robber in Atlanta was so pissed with his measly haul after holding up a Wendy’s restaurant he rang them twice to bitch about it. The man who was wearing a ski mask had walked up to a drive-thru window with a gun and demanded the cash drawer. Later the food chain received a phone call from the man complaining “next time there better be more than $586.” A second call a little while later consisted of the same whingeing remarks.

Psst Sheez he should be grateful they didn’t throw in fries with that!

You’re Never Too Old

Oh bless, an elderly man with a gun, cane and an oxygen tank attempted to rob a high end clothing store in New York. Despite firing off three shots the man got Jack. As he was shooting at the store manager he was quoted as yelling “You want one? You want another one?”. Despite being a lousy shot  one bullet did manage to pierce eight suits and end up in the pocket of the ninth. The elderly suspect then fled in a black cadillac.

Psst Hmm, Elvis???

Romantic Bank Robber

Now, Stick them up!

Calgary police are on the lookout for a bank robber who held up the Royal Bank while holding a bouquet of roses. Hmm, he’s either romantic or he has a date with a woman with really expensive taste! Whatever his thing, he took off with an undisclosed amount of money. Smooth!

Flat White

A thief in Hamelin, Germany held up an amusement arcade with a cup of coffee. The girl attendant said the man wasn’t going to throw the steaming coffee over her but was going to hit her with the cup. She handed over the money and he fled. Hmm, hope it wasn’t McDonald’s drive-thru coffee, they are friggin hot!

Psst So Hamelin is still full of rats?

Never Get A Woman To Do A Man’s Job

Oh for goodness sakes lady, if you are going to hold up two Memphis credit unions you are going to have to learn to communicate a whole lot better than that. Some thin, short black or Hispanic woman dressed in dark clothing with a bright red scarf,  failed twice in her attempts to rob the banks. The first attempt failed because the teller couldn’t understand a word she said and when pushed to repeat herself she threw her a hold up note and fled. Next stop another credit union. This time the woman decided to keep her mouth shut which only helped draw attention to herself. After being asked several times by a teller if she needed help she fumbled around in her purse, handed over a note and pulled out a gun. Exit teller and exit lady, who tripped as she ran outside, dropping her gun and no doubt grazing her knees before fleeing in her car.Shame,  I am guessing that’s the last time they’ll be hearing from her…. dumbass.

Robber With Low Tolerance To Nagging!

Yeah, run home mamma's boy, friggin wimp!

It really wasn’t Takashi Owata’s day when he decided to rob the Sunkus convenience store in Fukushima. Hmm, not when a 59 year old female was working there anyways. No one was going to do no robbing on her shift. When Owata demanded money the woman hurled abuse at him, screaming “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Despite Owata wielding a stick at the now angry woman, she continued to verbally abuse him, so much so, he eventually  left, pulled out his cell phone, rang the police and confessed to trying to rob the store. He then walked 400m to the police station and handed himself in. Ah, the old “mamma knows best”,  guilt trip works every time! Even Dr Phil would whip your butt for not sticking up for yourself…wimp!