Kim Jong Un Has Declared a Nuclear War On The US

Kim Jong Un must be feeling a little ronery being the only despot left in Asia. He’s just declared nuclear war on the United States. Unfortunately it sounds like a bad case of erectile missile dysfunction because no one believes Kim Jong Un has the capablity of getting it up. Sheez, where’s Hans Brik Team America when you need them.

Oh No, He Has A Floppy Disk

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Kim Jong Un produces a floppy disk. Does anyone have Windows 3.0–Windows NT????

North Korea Declares a State of War

Oh for crying out loud Kim Jong Un you are making it very hard for the Loon to know what to wear with all your talk of kabooming the US and South Korea. Yeah, I know Hawaii, Washington DC, Los Angeles and Austin, Texas are marked on your really big map but I would just like to know if you have any intentions of sending a rocket my way. I have a hard hat at the ready but I’m not sure whether to drain my jacuzzi or not. I have also purchased a North Korean phrase book , just in case . Oh and before I forget could you keep your chanting of ‘death to the U.S. imperialists’ down as the South Koreans are trying to sleep. Word on the street is Obama has Dennis Rodman at the ready for negotiation talks and the UN are frantically writing their strongly worded letter. In the meantime I will be sleeping with one eye open.

Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un

Dear lord, will we have to call on Dennis Rodman to save the world? Seems that crazy way-out ex basketball player has got his funk on with none other than out favorite North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

Rodman believes the key to calming the despots hatred of the West is through  “basketball diplomacy”.  Which would explain why he is in North Korea to film a HBO doco series on basketball camps for children. During his chinwag with the despot, Rodman told him “You have a friend for life”.  I think I just threw up a little.

Psst Following an exhibition match Kim Jong Un proceeded to get the US crew wasted with alcohol.

Did North Korea Just Complete a Nuclear Test?

WTF!!!

When South Korea rattles from a 4.9 magnitude quake the world friggin panics . Seems everyone is questioning whether the quake was set off by North Korea messing with nuclear bombs. Damn you Mayans and damn you double, Kim Jong Un!!!!

North Koreans Are Really Hungry

Horrid rumors that North Koreans have been forced to eat their babies to survive horrific famines have been reported. It is feared up to 10,000 people have become victims of cannibalism. In other news Kim Jong Un has put on a few Christmas pounds.

Loon Coming Clean The Armstrong Way

Hey Kim Jong Un , I  called you crazy, I called you a bitch, I even called you butt hole ugly  but I never called you fat, OK?

Unbaby

Breaking News - OMG, another Kimmy has baby news, Kimmy Jong Un has just become a daddy for the second third first time. Bless, a new little Kimmy for the world to ponder. Hmm, I bet he won’t be changing diapers.

Sexiest Man In The World Blasts Off

Guess who’s been scaring the beejeezus out of the world’s superpowers? That would be the dastardly sexy Kim Jong Um. Seems he’s finally managed to get a rocket into orbit which has been no mean feat for this North Korean demi-god. It’s taken 15 years and 5 goes to get something up but he has. Yay him. Now all he has to do is lasso the moon and he’s set.

Kim Jong Un Is Sexiest Man Alive

Sexy

OK, one more time China, The Onion is a satirical website. They like to pull the piss. So don’t go reporting that Kim Jong Un has been voted 2012′s “Sexiest Man Alive”, because it just isn’t true. Chinese newspapers missed the obvious sacrasm and published parts of The Onion’s article in their world news which went along the lines of ….. “With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true,” Tsk, tsk China.