I’m So Awesome I Think I Might Erect A Statue Of Myself

Your the former mayor of Flint, Michigan of course you are going to erect a statue of yourself outside your house, dah! You go Donald J. Williamson.

Well That Takes The Cake!

Who’s there?

OMG, Michigan are installing talking urinal cakes in pubs in their never ending fight against drunk drivers. That’s right guys, when you step up to a urinal cake it will play a recorded message reminding you to catch a cab or grab a lift with a friend if you are pissed. I’m not sure if you have to actually pee on it to activate it!!!!

Psst What would be cooler is if you pissed on it and it gave you your blood alcohol reading.

OMG Terrorists Putting Subliminal Messages In Porn

Honey, do you see four letter words on this here movie?

You know what I hate? When those damn Al Qaeda put subliminal messages in your porn. I really friggin hate that! A man from Michigan rang police after he suspected  terrorists had inserted secret messages into his porn movie. When police arrived he showed them the offending section in the movie in slow motion and sure enough there were maybe four readable words. He told police he reported the incident because he had read about the evil tactics of the Al Qaeda.

Woman Loads Christmas Gifts Into Wrong Car

Oh no, a woman in Michigan accidentally loaded  her Christmas presents into the wrong car. Linda Gipson merrily loaded about $700 worth of gifts into the trunk of what she thought was her daughter’s car and then went back to shop. When she returned the car was gone and so to her pressies (well, what a waste of time that was!). The real bummer is Ms Gipson used her daughter’s car key to open the stranger’s trunk.

Never Too Young To Rob A Store

My Bad?

Two things sweetie when trying to hold up a convenience store 1. make sure you ain’t a regular and 2. make sure you ain’t friggin 12 years old! Gosh! The Michigan girl allegedly waltzed into the store with a 9mm gun and demanded cash. The staff , who instantly recognized her (despite a bandanna over her face), thought she was kidding around. Hmm, evidently not. Anywho, someone grabbed her and rang 911. Now she will have something to tell the class during “show and tell”.

Want sauce with that?

So Honey, What Ya Doing?

Dad, why did you bother?

How do you know you have too much time on your hands? When you recreate da Vinci’s “Last Supper” using lint from your dryer. Phew, for a minute I thought it was gonna be from your belly button fluff. Anywho, it took Laura Bell from Michigan 800 hours of laundry  and  200 hours of painstaking work to recreate the 14ft reproduction of the masterpiece. She even bought towels in various colors to get the right shades of lint (now that’s dedication). Ripley’s Believe It or Not are now planning to put it on display.

Psst I wonder if Ripley would be interested in my reproduction of  ‘The Scream’ made from shower drain hair?

Snow Job?

Piss off, we have enough problems with Wikileaks!

Some guy in Michigan is claiming he has found proof of alien life form. Yes indeedy, Duane Snyder is in possession of an ice meteorite (whatever the hell that is) which he says has friggin extraterrestrial organisms in it. OK people, just because it was found near Kalamazoo doesn’t mean it’s a hoax. Duane found the chunk of ice on a road near his home and since it hadn’t snowed for weeks he deducted it must have come from an ice meteorite. He popped the ice in his freezer and for 10 years had been trying to get a someone  to friggin analyze it. Dear god, aliens in your freezer for a decade, I hope it wasn’t next to food!. Anywho,  in the end he paid to have two  chemical analyzes performed and guess what? It contained unique molecular structures…which can only mean one thing. Some drunk bastard either pissed on it or there is goddamn alien lifeforms living in that there freezer.

Fast Food Rage

All hell broke loose at a Michigan Wendy’s after a food fight erupted. It all started at a drive thru window (where else?) when four customers in a car pelted the employee with hamburgers, fries and drinks after getting the order wrong. The employee, bless their little socks, threw the food back at them, covering their car in ketchup, fries and a drink. Two of the occupants of the car then entered the restaurant and began fighting with the employees. They were later arrested. The employees told police they blamed the fight on a “communication breakdown.” Hmm, or maybe the inability to get an order right….I’m just saying!

Now Will You Help Me?

You know when the health system isn’t working… when a woman shoots herself so she can get treatment for a pre-existing chronic pain condition. The woman from Michigan, who was not insured, used a .25 caliber handgun to blast a hole in her shoulder so she could to get  treatment for a non fatal condition that was causing her considerable pain for some time.

You Call Yourself Christians

Oh for goodness sakes, people, Christian terrorists! The nine people arrested in the Christian militia raid by FBI yesterday have been accused of plotting to kill a Michigan police officer and then planning to blow up officers attending the funeral. WTF! Forget the devil, they believe local, state and federal law enforcement agencies are the enemy…well, foot soldiers for the enemy that is the New World Order. The group known as Hutaree are believed to have been plotting to use “improvised explosive devices” to kaboom as many law enforcement people as possible. All nine have been charged with attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction.