Catch Of The Day

A Missouri man avoided a big bang when he reeled in a sock containing a live hand grenade while fishing.  Enter bomb squad who identified it as a “Mark 2 pineapple grenade from the Vietnam era,”. Sheez, imagine if he had hooked the pin ….fish for everyone!!!!

I Just Wanted To Know How It Felt

The last thing you would be wondering when you are fifteen is what it feels like to kill, right?  Evidently not for Alyssa Bustamante, she’s pleaded guilty to murdering her 9 year old neighbor Elizabeth Olten in 2009. Bustamante from Missouri strangled, stabbed and then cut the girl’s throat because she wanted to know how it felt. She told the judge yesterday she was knew what she was doing when she murdered Elizabeth. Hmm, that was pretty evident by the fact Bustamante had dug a grave  a week before the killing, in preparation.

Psst If Bustamante hadn’t pleaded guilty and the case went to trial she could have been facing life in prison without the possibility of parole if convicted. This way she is facing 10-30 or life with the possibility of parole.

Sugar Plum Fairy Gets Sacked For Swearing During Drug Test

What is the world coming to when St Charles’ Sugar Plum Fairy of five years gets fired for swearing during a drug test? Oh, she also works in an adult-themed comedy burlesque shows. Well, sack her silly ass then. Hang on, why does a Sugar Plum Fairy have to take a drug test anyways? Oh, Christmas festival + little kiddies = urine test . Laura Coppinger who has been the Sugar Plum Fairy for 5 years evidently flushed the toilet during her little drug testing twinkle and got told off by the drug adminstrator. They don’t take to kindly to flushing in Missouri, as it could easily be a way to dilute the wee. That’s when the fairy let rip with a cuss word and ultimately lost her $13.08 an hour job (despite only the administrator hearing). Hmm, now the only pole she is going to see is at her adult-themed comedy burlesque show. Bummer.

Killer Tornado Hits Joplin Missouri

Thoughts and prayers to everyone affected by the killer tornado which hit Missouri yesterday. Many of our regulars have family and friends in those towns, including Sekan Blunt Delivery and Mel.  The number of injured has climbed to 1200 with the fear the death toll will exceed 120 with many believed still trapped under the rubble . The worst hit was Joplin where the tornado cut a path that was nearly six miles long & half a mile wide through the heart of the town destroying everything in its wake. The hospital took a direct hit and has been forced to close.

Psst For those who would like to help, please send donations to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund, or call 1-800-REDCROSS.

Well That Really Is a Spread

You know what I hate? When 20 tons of mayonnaise spills onto Interstate 44 in Missouri and you don’t have any bread. I really friggin hate that! The driver is believed to have lost control causing the condiment to spill friggin everywhere.

Honey, Can You Mow The Lawn

Oh shit!!!!

The moral of the story is never work on your lawnmower in the house. A Missouri man told firefighters he was smoking a ciggie while working on his lawnmower in a bedroom when… kaboom. The explosion sparked a fire that engulfed his home.

Dentist More Dangerous Than a Battlefield

OMG, a Missouri Veterans Administration Hospital may have accidentally exposed 1,800 veterans to hepatitis, HIV or any other life threatening disease you can care to think of. In the next few days 1,812 veterans are gonna be getting a nice “WTF” letter in their mailbox. Hmm, seems the hospital had a “failure to clean dental instruments properly” problem. Sheez, what, like 1,800 times? The hospital said some dental technicians had hand washed tools before putting them in the cleaning machines. Despite there being only a minimal risk of anyone catching something nasty, the hospital is offering serology testing for hepatitis B, C and HIV to anyone who received the letter.

Anti Boob Bill

Expect more of this!

What the? How the hell are you going to run strip joints in Missouri if you can’t have nudity or alcohol. Sheez, you might as well go to church! Governor Jay Nixon is about to sign a bill this Friday outlawing nudity and the serving of alcohol in all Missouri strip clubs. Oooh and I forgot, all the fully clothed, sober boys and girls have to be out of the joints by midnight. Hmm, I certainly hope the rape rate won’t increase! The man behind the anti boob bill is Matt Bartle, a Republican state senator, who has spent his whole friggin political career trying to close the doors of every adult store and strip club in the state. Still no cure for cancer!

Not Even The Amish Are Spared

Holy horse and cart Batman, an Amish man has been charged with alleged sexual crimes against  at least  5 underage girls. Charles Mast (26) from Missouri was arrested after an investigation into the rape and sodomy of the girls dating back as far as ten years ago. It is expected more charges will be  filed as the investigation continues. Three of the victims are Amish and two are not.

No One Saw This One Coming

OK, no need to panic people, but if you happen to live in Missouri, Iowa, Minnesota, Illinois or Wisconsin you’re pretty damn lucky that big friggin meteor didn’t clean knock you off your porch. It lit up the night sky like a Christmas tree and rattled rooftops before breaking up into tiny, weeny pieces (we hope!).