Could This Be The End Of LG?

Where you want, Kimmy

The good news today is the US have finally located  North Korea’s  2 missing nuclear missiles …… the bad news is they are ready for launch. Life ain’t so good.

Kim Jong Un Has Declared a Nuclear War On The US

Kim Jong Un must be feeling a little ronery being the only despot left in Asia. He’s just declared nuclear war on the United States. Unfortunately it sounds like a bad case of erectile missile dysfunction because no one believes Kim Jong Un has the capablity of getting it up. Sheez, where’s Hans Brik Team America when you need them.

Oh No, He Has A Floppy Disk

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Kim Jong Un produces a floppy disk. Does anyone have Windows 3.0–Windows NT????

North Korea Declares a State of War

Oh for crying out loud Kim Jong Un you are making it very hard for the Loon to know what to wear with all your talk of kabooming the US and South Korea. Yeah, I know Hawaii, Washington DC, Los Angeles and Austin, Texas are marked on your really big map but I would just like to know if you have any intentions of sending a rocket my way. I have a hard hat at the ready but I’m not sure whether to drain my jacuzzi or not. I have also purchased a North Korean phrase book , just in case . Oh and before I forget could you keep your chanting of ‘death to the U.S. imperialists’ down as the South Koreans are trying to sleep. Word on the street is Obama has Dennis Rodman at the ready for negotiation talks and the UN are frantically writing their strongly worded letter. In the meantime I will be sleeping with one eye open.

Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un

Dear lord, will we have to call on Dennis Rodman to save the world? Seems that crazy way-out ex basketball player has got his funk on with none other than out favorite North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

Rodman believes the key to calming the despots hatred of the West is through  “basketball diplomacy”.  Which would explain why he is in North Korea to film a HBO doco series on basketball camps for children. During his chinwag with the despot, Rodman told him “You have a friend for life”.  I think I just threw up a little.

Psst Following an exhibition match Kim Jong Un proceeded to get the US crew wasted with alcohol.

Free Spending Money – Dob In A Taxi Driver

In Seoul if you report a bad taxi driver expect to be rewarded with $450. Yes, you heard me $450. The city is so sick and tired of tourists being ripped off by rogue drivers they have set up an English speaking dob in  a bastard driver hotline and will hand you cash if their investigations prove you correct. Sheez, my city would be broke in a day.

Did North Korea Just Complete a Nuclear Test?

WTF!!!

When South Korea rattles from a 4.9 magnitude quake the world friggin panics . Seems everyone is questioning whether the quake was set off by North Korea messing with nuclear bombs. Damn you Mayans and damn you double, Kim Jong Un!!!!

Unbaby

Breaking News - OMG, another Kimmy has baby news, Kimmy Jong Un has just become a daddy for the second third first time. Bless, a new little Kimmy for the world to ponder. Hmm, I bet he won’t be changing diapers.

Sexiest Man In The World Blasts Off

Guess who’s been scaring the beejeezus out of the world’s superpowers? That would be the dastardly sexy Kim Jong Um. Seems he’s finally managed to get a rocket into orbit which has been no mean feat for this North Korean demi-god. It’s taken 15 years and 5 goes to get something up but he has. Yay him. Now all he has to do is lasso the moon and he’s set.

No Not A Unicorn I Meant Dragon

North Korea have retracted a statement claiming they have discovered a unicorn’s lair. Hello, it wasn’t a unicorn’s lair because that would be silly. No, it was in fact the lair of a mythical beast which has the head of a dragon the body of a deer and the tail of a cow. Sheez, glad they cleared that up.