This Is Your Pilot Freaking

Remember the JetBlue  pilot who went troppo on a New York  flight in March? Sure you do, he jumped out of the cockpit midflight and went screaming down the aisle yelling crazy stuff about terrorists and 9/11 before being restrained by passengers. Yeah him. Well, he’s been ruled insane and won’t face any charges.

Attention People, Does There Happened To Be A Pilot Onboard?

You know what I hate? When some crazed passenger goes running up and down the aisle of a JetBlue plane screaming “bomb” and “al Qaeda” and you discover it’s the friggin pilot. I really hate that! The co-pilot, god bless him, locked him out of the cockpit leaving the 135 passengers and 5 crew to deal with the psycho. While some whipped out their iphones to record the meltdown, others tried to restrain him, Meanwhile an off duty pilot assisted the co-pilot in landing the plane in Amarillo.

OMG, want to see the pilot being removed from the plane? Hannibal lector didn’t have it so rough!

Rogue Shark Gives Pilot A Scare

A pilot of a passenger jet in New Zealand got the fright of his life by a friggin airbourne shark. Yep, I know what you are thinking but, no. It was a remote control helium filled balloon shark. The shark  is suppose to be used indoors but it must be another friggin rogue one . Sheez, that could have been a blood bath!

Pilot Trapped in Toilet Causes Mid Air Scare

Oh dear, what is worse than a pilot accidentally locking himself in the bathroom of his plane? The panic caused when a man with a “Middle Eastern” accent tries to help him. The pilot of Chatauqua (Delta) Airlines was taking a quick leak before landing in New York City when the door jammed. Enter the “Middle Eastern” accent guy who came to the captain’s rescue. The captain told the “Middle Eastern” accent guy (through the toilet door) to tell the cockpit crew of the dilemma. While the “Middle Eastern” accent guy was knocking on the cockpit door, trying to get some attention, the co-pilot contacted the tower at La Guardia freaking the hell out. He told the tower  “I have someone with a thick foreign accent trying to access the cockpit”. That’s an emergency declared right there. Awkward! Lucky the jet fighters weren’t alerted…ah wait…more awkward.

Coffee Break

Great, another thing to worry about when flying. A United Airlines flight had to be diverted to Toronto after the pilot accidentally spilled coffee all over the friggin control panel. Not only did it make one hell of a mess it also sent the navigation and communication system into a complete meltdown, sending out friggin  distress signals including the big one….7500… a hijacking!!!!  Sheez, lucky the clumsy pilot was able convince airport authorities it was all just one big misunderstanding.

Like I needed To Know This!

The dream!

Look away loons who are about to fly, you don’t want to be reading this. Pilot Bryan Griffin won £97,000 in compensation from Qantas after they failed to realize he was mentally unfit to fly a plane. Problem? He had overwhelming urges to crash the friggin planes he was flying into the ground. WTF! Yes, Mr Griffin “the pilot” had such strong compulsions on several occasions he had tried to cut the engines but instead left the flight deck to calm down. He also had urges to scream, ignore instructions and miss radio calls. Anywho, despite all of this several docs declared him fit to keep on flying. As the condition worsened he eventually resigned with with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression. Qantas are appealing the decision.

You Just Can’t Get Real Pilots These Days

OK, he really isn't a pilot but so far so good!

Just when you thought it was safe to fly, a Swedish man has been arrested in Amsterdam as he was about to fly his 101 passengers to Turkey. Problem? He didn’t have a friggin pilot’s licence. OK, he had flown small planes before but not friggin Boeings. Turkey’s Corendon Airlines said WTF he had been flying with them for 2 years and had no idea he had used false papers. Hmm, well he seemed to doing a fine job despite not knowing WTF he was doing!

Sounds a Likely Story

Well alrighty then. A pilot, who was arrested on Australia day for taking photos of a naked 3 year old boy being changed by his parents, told the court all he was trying to do was prove a point to his wife. Glenn Anthony Armstrong said he was obsessed with circumcision and  wanted to prove to her more boys were uncircumcised than circumcised. Hmm, so that will explain why there were 10 photos (50 originally reported ) of naked boys allegedly found on his camera then!

Psst Hmm, so now he has proven it to the wife, all he has to do is explain it to his kids!

UPDATE Mr Armstrong pleaded guilty to breach of privacy and was placed on a three year good behavior bond and given a $5,000 fine. Lawyers for the pilot argued Mr Armstrong has a psychological disorder  which makes him obsessed with circumcision but which is not of a sexual nature.

This Is Your Captain Speaking

Prayer mats are under your seats!

WTF pray, are you kidding me? A pilot on an Iranian airline asked passengers to pray after the plane experienced a technical fault. Oh crap, considering their air safety record who’d blame him! Those friggin international sanctions are a bitch, how’s an airline to get a decent plane or friggin spare parts when you got that black mark on your name. Gosh! But all’s well that ends well, despite the passengers packing their daks, the plane landed safely, well in enough pieces not to raise concerns.