Can You Smell Something?

Um, you might want to bring along some disinfectant the next time you plonk yourself down at a Starbucks in Denver. A couple who couldn’t find a changing table in the restroom, changed their one year old’s dirty diaper at their table. Oh lord, hold the double mocha. When a staff member told them to make sure the seat was wiped when they were done in a “demeaning” tone, the hubby poured coffee on the floor in response. Yes, police were called, no, no one was arrested. Hmm, I suppose they should be grateful the kid was wearing a diaper. If it was a New York Starbucks, well …..

Is There A Horticulturalist In The Building

Walk away nothing to see here. New York police responded to a call about a marijuana farm being grown on the rooftop of a Brooklyn apartment building only to discover they were friggin tomato plants. The dude that rang the police said “When I saw them, the first thing I thought was ‘Oh, my God.’

Brother Is Now In A Pickle

What would make Taiwanese police suspect a man killed his sister, pickled her head and left it in a public toilet? Here’s a hint… he took out at least four life insurance policies for her which gave him uber money in the event of her death. Oh, plus he was caught on security footage carrying a suspicious parcel into the toilet. Wait, there’s more, he handwrote a note telling police the location of the head.  Bravo Sherlock.

Want sauce with that?

Don’t Try This At Home Kiddies

A 10 year old kid in Massachusetts got busted after he rang 911 to complain about his mom sending him to bed at 8pm despite not having school the following day. It all went down when his mother called his bluff after he told her he was going to ring the police. Damn straight she said “go ahead” and he did. Despite hanging up without saying a word the cops came a knocking and the boy not only got a big friggin lecture from them but was also grounded for two weeks. Sweet dreams.

Dope

When an aristocrat in England gets dodgy weed, of course he’s going to call the police and show them the crappy  block of cannabis resin he was given. Unfortunately that’s an arresting and a fine right there.

Don’t Worry, It’a A Labra-lion

Oh for crying out loud labradoodle owner, can you quit having your pooch clipped to look like a lion. That’s one hell of a lot of 911 calls and a swat team, right there.

Detroit A No Go Zone For Tourists

Calling Robo Cop, Robo Cop to the front counter please. Police in Detroit have warned visitors to the city that they should “enter at their own risk” unless of course they want to buy a tee saying “I survived Detroit with just a flesh wound” . The Police say they have no choice but to warn visitors not to enter, as they can’t guarantee they can protect anyone as violence  escalates and their force  rapidly shrinks.  Officers are evidently leaving in droves due to the 12 hour shifts and low pay. Yikes!!! Hmm, Rudy Giuliani, Rudy Giuliani to the front desk too!!!!!

Rolo’s Excellent Adventure

OK, no need to worry loons, Rolo the hamster, who fell 12ft from a window, kaboomed onto a car bonnet and bounced into the path of a neighborhood cat has been rescued by two quick thinking cops who witnessed the rodent’s escapades. The constables shooed the cat while Rolo ran around the wheelie bins and under parked cars trying to avoid being dinner. Rolo was eventually put out of his misery when PC Helen Hansen trapped him under her helmet. The smart thinking cops then knocked on the door of a house which had a sign in the window “Beware of the hamster” and returned the traumatized rodent back to his 8 year old owner Milly Rook, who had no idea Rolo had gone AWOL.

You Can’t %&*#ing Curse in Middleboro

Well %$*@ me, a new Middleboro (Massachusetts) bylaw, that now gives police the power to fine anyone caught %$*@ing swearing in public, has ruffled the feathers of the locals. A group of about 60 protestors cursed and flashed their middle fingers in disgust at the new laws. Hell, a protest isn’t complete without a megaphone, and the protestors didn’t disappoint, with an open mic allowing anyone to express their disapproval with some choice words. Hmm, I’m predicting a few people may be bankrupt by the end of the year .

Shit Happens

A word of warning when going to the toilet in Canada, you might want to avoid moaning and yelling or your concerned neighbor might just ring 911 and that would be really embarrassing, now wouldn’t it? A neighbor feared the worse when she heard cries from the depths of hell  coming from a basement apartment, so rang police. The police rushed over and  knocked on the door several times before a red faced man answered explaining he had some toilet troubles.