The moral of this story is if you plan a jail break make sure your belly can fit through the hole. Awkward for a one Brazilian prisoner who found himself wedged in a concrete wall after his much skinnier accomplice slipped through and took off. While prison officers merrily took snaps firefighters had to use sledgehammers to free him.
Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!
A New York jail is being sued for a million bucks by a man who was forced to wear the same set of clothes in jail for 8 months. OK, Elias Diaz weighed 400lbs (181kgs) and there just wasn’t no jumbo jumpsuit big enough to fit his girth but he claims there was a friggin tailor on staff. To add insult to injury, Diaz had to wash his clothes in the shower. Why? Surely they had a laundry? Anywho, he’s making a bigger stink now!
Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never
Have I got a man for you, desperate loons. He’s got a beautiful smile, easy going, good sense of humour and will do anything for love. Only one catch, OK, several, he’s behind bars for manslaughter and has an extensive criminal past. Which is kinda scary, I agree. But besides that, he’s got a “Guys At Barwon Prison That Want Girls To Write To Them” page on Facebook and he’s looking for love. Might want to give him a poke?
Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never
Wishful thinking
Attention loons in Hiroshima, be on the look out for a prison escapee. He should be easy to spot, he is wearing only white undies. This is Japan’s first jailbreak in more than 20 years and they are really pissed. Li Guolin stripped off in the prison yard before using builders scaffolding to scale the 5m perimeter fence. A security guard said Li “fell on his rear and turned over. Then he ran off at a steady trot.” Li is serving 23 years for attempted murder. Sheez, you’d be unlucky to get half of that for murder in Oz. Authorities have allocated 800 police officers to find the dude in the white undies. Good luck with that.
Filed under Friggin Japan, Well I Never
Brazilian man Joao Batista Groppo had allegedly been keeping his wife, Sebastiana, locked up in a cellar for 16 years. She was discovered lying starkers in a corner of the cellar with just a blanket after police received a tip-off. Hmm, 16 years and they finally get a tip-off? The room was evidently covered in feces and crawling with roaches. Groppo, who had been married to Sebastiana for 40 years, told police she was mentally ill. Alrighty then, so that would explain the girlfriend (Maria Aparecida Furquim) he had living upstairs. Both Groppo and Furquim have been charged with illegal imprisonment.
Psst So for 16 years who did the dishes?
OMG, you are better off to be a criminal in Australia, not only are the sentences pathetic but you can also spend your time in prison suing the state for negligence and receiving a shit load of compo. Alan Brown, who has never had a driver’s license, has had more than 100 convictions for drink driving, has killed two people in separate accidents and is currently serving 14 years for the death of his latest victim, Margaret Loveday. In 2007 a Loddon Prison garden shed roller door accidentally closed on him so he sued the State of Victoria for negligence and won, claiming he not only suffered a painful injury but also suffered psychological damaged to boot. Guess how much he was awarded? $120,000. Hmm, I wonder how much the victims of his crimes received?
What’s the definition of ironic? When a inmate has his death sentence commuted to life and then goes and hangs himself a week later.70 year old George Smithey was convicted of murder, robbery and attempted rape in 1988 and sentence to death. However after his sentence was commuted to life, due to mental retardation, he used his bed sheet to end it all.
OK here’s the thing Mr Judge, if you discover that a prisoner who has been locked up for 27 years is friggin innocent, let him go! Michael Green has been told he will have to wait an extra day before being released because the Dallas court wants to give him time to compose himself so he doesn’t freak out. WTF! Green was sentenced to 75 years jail for a 1983 kidnapping and sexual assault of a woman when he was 18 years old but recent DNA testing proved it wasn’t him. He’s angry, his family are angry and he just wants out!
Psst Irony alert….Green would have been up for parole in October anyways.
2nd Psst Due to the the statute of limitations the 4 other suspects won’t be charged with the crime.
Not my smartest idea!
OK, here’s the thing naked inmate wearing only socks, better luck next time. Bradley Norris tried the old, “can I go to the toilet trick”, after being transferred to Lake Wales Hospital in Florida. A smart thinking deputy shackled his ankles together first and a good thing she did because the moment he got out of bed he attacked her. In the ensuing fight Norris’s gown was ripped off his body but that didn’t stop him fleeing the room naked except for his socks.Sheez, how far can a naked, shackled guy get people? Answer- not very. Those friggin socks can be slippery!!!!
Filed under Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, Well I Never, Whoops!
Oh for goodness sakes, an inmate at the Noble Correctional Facility in Caldwell (Ohio) has had to have surgery to remove a hot-sauce bottle from his butt. OK, OK, I know what you are thinking, he picked up the soap! But No. Evidently, despite originally claiming he had been assaulted in a shower he later retracted the story and said he had done it himself. Oh dear, apparently he was using the bottle as a sex device before it became stuck. There’s a nice medical bill for the taxpayers.
Psst I hope he left the lid on, otherwise extra ouch!
