The Sausage Has Been Found

Stop looking everybody the missing Klement’s racing Italian Sausage costume has been found. Thank goodness. The 7ft costume called Guido, which features in the Milwaukee Brewers baseball games, was last seen on Feb 16th. The Italian sausage walked out of a fundraiser at the Milwaukee Curling club then made an unexpected appearance at TJ Ryan’s bar in Cedarburg before heading to The Roadhouse Bar and Grill around midnight. That’s where the lead went cold. However last Wednesday two mysterious men plopped the sausage costume up on a bar stool at the Roadhouse Bar and Grill telling the bartender “You did not see anything,” and promptly skedaddled.

The Ultimate Car Thief Fail

OMG,OMG, OMG, you silly, silly, dumbass car thief.  A guy who stole a brand new red Chevrolet Corvette in 1989 has handed himself into police because it just got too expensive to hide it. Seems over the past two decades the damn car has cost him $70,000 in storage fees. When the San Diego police retrieved the Corvette it only had 67 miles on the clock and still smelled like a new car. Here’s the double dumbass bonus, the car was later sold on eBay for $39,741.

Psst The dude was an Irish immigrant .

Want sauce with that?

Hip Hop Artist Forced To Cough Million Dollar Reward Money

OK, here’s the thing hip hop artist, if you happen to get your laptop stolen overseas don’t be offering a $1 million reward for its return unless you really mean it. A New York hip hopper who reneged on the reward money has been forced , by a New York jury,  to cough up $1 million to a dude in Germany who found it while walking his dog.  What the hell was on the laptop? The singer is claiming the dude was the one who had originally stolen it. Well, if that’s the case that’s a double bummer.

Damn You Reporter

I know how it feels!!!!

Remember that Renoir painting bought at a Virginian flea market by a woman for $7 that was going up for auction? Hmm, well about that. Seems some nosy reporter from The Washington Post did some Sherlocking and discovered it had been stolen from a Baltimore museum over 60 years ago, so now the auction is a no go . Bummer, I hope she gets her 7 bucks back.

Dam Beaver Missing

If you just happen upon a 300lb, 4 and a half foot carved wooden beaver,  holding a sign “Welcome to our Dam house.” in your travels,  the Beaver Dam police may want a word. Seems the statue has gone AWOL, along with a carving of a Native American Indian in full headdress but that has been recovered from a ditch along with a statue of a turtle which has yet not been reported missing.

Please Return The Plastic Lawn Flamingos

Attention people from Massachusetts,  just letting the person or persons who stole the 39 plastic flamingos from Arthur O’Neil’s front lawn, that the ransom note has been handed over to police. The flamingos, which were dressed in colorful costumes, were stolen between May and August. Mr O’Neil who said “I understand the police have more important things to worry about, but it hurts,”, will stop displaying them if any more are stolen.

My Keyboard is a Wonderland

Woohoo, thank you burglars!!!

OK, here’s the thing, if you continue to play your Yamaha 250 keyboard  “like a cathedral” for your “own personal enjoyment,” expect it to be stolen by some “skinny white males,” one of whom was possibly missing teeth. The victim told police he believes the thieves probably targeted the keyboard because they got sick of hearing him play it. The only other thing taken was a Seiko watch.

The Scrap Of Time

How far would you go to get your hands on some scrap metal? Well, if you are thieves in England how’s about stealing two giant metal clock faces from the historic Newcastle town centre building…. in broad daylight. The two men nonchalantly dismantled the copper faces leaving  huge holes in the Art Deco facade. The building had been closed since December but plans were underway to turn it into a major new leisure complex.

Musicians Decomposing

Seriously? A man in Vienna has allegedly broken into the graves of two famous composers, Johann Strauss Jr. and Johannes Brahms, and stolen their teeth . Austrian authorities have no idea why.

Savador Dali Painting Express Mailed Back

Hey Loons, remember the Salvador Dali painting that was nicked a few weeks ago off the wall of a New York gallery? Well, blow me down if it hasn’t been returned via Express Mail…from Europe!!!! Sheez, nothing worse than a friggin indecisive art thief.

Psst Hmm, might want to check they haven’t got the forgery.