They Wouldn’t , Would They?

Geez, crickey, could Al Qaeda be behind the Eiffel Tower bomb scare ? Sacrebleu. 1,500 people had to make their way calmly to the exits after some dastardly person rang police warning that bombs had been placed around the landmark. Authorities are concerned it is the work of al Qaeda, who are a tad pissed at the French intervention in the African state of Mali . Hmm, me thinks it sounds more like le kiddies .  Hello, al Qaeda are a terrorist organisation they wouldn’t ring.

Terrorists Are Using Facebook

If the US government wants to get serious about stopping these Jihadists blowing up consulates they might want to scour Facebook because they are there, posting away, giving away their plans. Evidently they warned of increased threats  just prior to the Benghazi attacks and even posted Chris Stevens morning jogging route.

Psst Seriously, where are the trolls when you need them?

Want sauce with that?

Undie Bombs Are Back!

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle ..kaboom!

Oh no, those ghastly underpants bombs are back, only this time new and improved. Seems al Qaeda are determined to blow up a passenger plane using the knickers approach. CIA uncovered the plot in Yemen. This time the undies contained no metal  and authorities are not sure if they would have been detected at airport security, despite sophisticated scanning equipment. CIA suspect the underwear bomb is the work of master bomb maker Ibrahim Hassan al-Asiri (and wannabe fashionista) minus the printer cartridges. Oh and happy one year anniversary of rotting in hell Osama.

Psst I’m guessing TSA frisking is gonna get a whole lot more risque!

Oh My, Don’t You Look Pretty?

Let me just say there is nothing  less appealing than a Taliban militant dressed in women’s clothing (sorry Mega, but there’s not) , especially when they don’t shave . Hmm, but that’s what those little friggin terrorists are resorting to, to get closer to Allied forces. OMG, that’s so embarrassing. There definitely won’t to be 72 virgins waiting for YOU!!!

Want to see one pretty in pink?

Who’s killing the great nuclear scientists of Iran?

Come out, come out, where ever you are. Seems over the last few years Iran’s top scientists have systematically been  bumped off and fingers are being pointing directly at US (CIA), UK (MI6) and Israel (Mossad).The latest victim was Ahmadi Roshan, a deputy director of Iran’s main uranium enrichment plant, who was going on his merry way when assassins on motorbikes rode up along side his car and placed a magnetic bomb  ….. kaboom. Now Imadinnerjacket and the Ayatollah are peeved. Oh boy, the UN, shall be expecting some strongly worded letters, no doubt!

OMG Terrorists Putting Subliminal Messages In Porn

Honey, do you see four letter words on this here movie?

You know what I hate? When those damn Al Qaeda put subliminal messages in your porn. I really friggin hate that! A man from Michigan rang police after he suspected  terrorists had inserted secret messages into his porn movie. When police arrived he showed them the offending section in the movie in slow motion and sure enough there were maybe four readable words. He told police he reported the incident because he had read about the evil tactics of the Al Qaeda.

Goofy

Snow White would have a fit. As a new plan of attack by al Qaeda, an affiliate to the terrorist group is planning to make a Disney-like animated cartoon aimed at recruiting children. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off the work we go…. The cartoon is said to show kids in army fatigues plotting and planning terror attacks. Oh yeah and lets just say it ain’t just Bambi’s mother who gets it!

Not The Friggin London Eye!

Holy Christmas terrorist plot Batman. Nine men have been arrested in England suspected of planning to kaboom the London Eye, the Stock Exchange and Mayor Boris Johnson, though not in any particular order. Oh and The Dean of St Paul’s Cathedral, two rabbis and the US Embassy were also on their list.   The men, mostly of Bangladeshi origin , were all denied bail.

Christmas Terror Alert

Shoot first, ask questions later!

OK, no need to panic people , but according to Major General Dhiya Hussein, Al Qaeda are planning Christmas attacks in the US, Britain and Europe. Hmm, doesn’t this rumor spread every year around this time? Anywho, just keep an eye open for any suspicious parcels or a strange bearded man coming down your chimney, OK!

We Don’t Do Vomit

Damn these terrorists!

Gosh and I thought I was paranoid, a woman in Orland rang the sheriff’s office requesting a deputy come pick up a bag of vomit. She told the dispatcher she believed terrorists may have put chemicals in her food so she upchucked so it could be tested. Better safe than sorry right? Anywho, she was told to basically piss off and get some other sucker to test the vomit.