Marathon Runner 1, Bag Snatcher 0

I just need to catch my breath

Definition of Unlucky? Being chased by a marathon runner after snatching a purse from an 83 year old woman. What’s the odds? The exhausted thief was forced to throw the contents of the bag into the river after doing a few laps of the city and realizing he was unable to shake off the dude.

Psst Cork, Ireland

Busted Cinderfella

Oh for crying out loud mister , if you are going to steal 4.2 gallons of honey, don’t be leaving your friggin slippers at the scene. Sheez, of course the police dog is gonna sniff you out. Didn’t help that you live in the same apartment building, now did it?  Hmm, now it’s gonna be a bit awkward in the elevator!!!!

Psst Russia

Doris Does It Again

Seems you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Notorious burglar Doris Thompson (82) has been caught yet again. The granny, with 25 different aliases, has a 20 page rap sheet that dates back to 1955 and has been jailed 9 times. Her  recent M.O. is to hide in medical facilities until closing time then treasure hunt the cash boxes. Hmm, I bet her getaway is slow.

Nice Dismount

OK, one more time people, if you are going to use a bicycle as a getaway vehicle when stealing a TV from Walmart, make sure you pay attention or you may just slam into the back of a police car. The fool was too distracted by a policeman chasing him on foot that he didn’t see the other cop drive up ahead and stop. Wham, %#^& , splat.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Bandit Caught

At ease everyone the  “Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup” bandit has finally been caught. The elusive sweet tooth had been raiding convenience stores around Ohio for the past 6 months grabbing an estimated $600 worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup candies. The 17 year old thief, who was nabbed by police, has been handed over to juvenile authorities but I think he should be handed over to Hersey for some promotional work.

Psst Friggin Ohio Home of Bearman

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

The charger, I forgot the friggin charger!!!

Attention Loons, be on the look out for a Brazilian thief carrying a 18-carat gold-plated vibrator worth about $4,000 . He stole it from a sex store . Oh yeah and if you happen to see him, can you tell him he forgot to take the friggin charger. Thanks.

Lug Nutter On The Loose

Attention people in the Chicago area, be on the look out for someone stealing lug nuts off police squad cars. The lug nutter has so far removed the nuts from several cop car’s wheels while they have been parked on the police station car park. So far no wheels have fallen off.

First Lesson In Stealing a Plane

OK, here’s the thing former flight student, if you’re going to steal a plane you might want to unchain it first, or you may look damn stupid revving , lurching and jerking on the tarmac going nowhere. Just saying.

Thieving Priest

Forgive me Father

A Catholic priest in Germany who feared he would go broke in his old age spent 40 years nicking money from church collection plates. The naughty priest had accumulated over 1 million euros in coins and notes but hadn’t spent a cent of it. The 78 year old was given a two year sentence for embezzlement but will spend it on probation.

Want sauce with that?

The Art of Stealing

The first rule of stealing, don’t jokingly tell a woman you are going to break into her house and steal her TV, then actually do it!  Seems you instantly become the go-to man for police!  Authorities are still investigating

Want sauce with that?