Incoming Toxic Satellite

Hey loons, remember me talking about that Russian satellite Phobos-Grunt? You know , the one expected to crash to earth anytime soon! Well, about that, seems the friggin thing is full of seriously toxic fuel making it one of the most toxic falling satellites ever. Oh and there is even more great news. The friggin thing could crash Down Under. Assume the crash position Aussie loons and don those hard hats until further notice.

Synthetic Perfumes Stink

Don't know, we think it could be the Old Spice?

No need to panic people but that perfume you’re wearing could be toxic.Yep, seems all the nasty chemicals added to perfume and cologne don’t necessarily appear on  the label. Trade secret and all, you understand. Dear god, some of the side effects of splashing yourself with perfume include allergic reactions, hormone disruption and sperm damage. When Analytical Sciences tested 17 popular fragrances including Chanel and Armani they found 40 chemicals, of which only two were listed.

Want sauce with that?

Might Want To Check Your Trick or Treat Bags

OK, no need to panic but step away from your Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars people, it really IS friggin toxic. OMG, the Pakistani made candy  has a lead content that would make you cringe, way over double the allowed limit. The Food and Drug Administration has announced it is recalling every single one made since 2007 before someone really turns into sludge.

Honey, Feel Like Some Bacon and Eggs?

Hello, I ate that shit!!!!

Oh my, feeding animals with toxic , cancer causing chemicals can’t be good. Urgh, just ask the  4,700 German  farmers (so far) whose livestock have been contaminated with dioxin, a cancer causing chemical and their farms closed indefinitely. The culprit?  Harles and Jentzsch. It has been alleged  the company accidentally  supplied 3,000 tonnes of it to animal feed makers.The shit was supposedly intended for use in bio-oils not animal feed.  Now it is feared that over 150,000 tons of the contaminated poultry and swine food has been used by farmers. Hmm, to make matter worse tests were done in March but the results (which are alarming) weren’t announced until December.  OMG, that means people have been getting dioxined all year long…..everybody panic!!!!

Friggin Toxic Mud

Egads, grab your wellies and waders folks there’s a toxic mud spill in Hungary. Urgh, seems the walls of a reservoir holding back aluminum residue burst, causing a 2m wave of toxic sludge to engulf 7 villages. The sludge has left a path of destruction, with fears it may  reach the Danube River. The interior minister has asked people to avoid contact with the mud because it friggin burns and could cause blindness if it gets in your eyes. Hungary has declared a state of emergency claiming it’s an “ecological catastrophe”. Sheez, I bet BP breathed a sigh of relief! So far the death toll is four but it is expected to rise.

So That’s Why Some Kids Are Crazy

OK parents no need to panic but you might want your little snowflakes to step away from the bouncy houses. Hmm, seems testing revealed the vinyl contains friggin toxic lead sometimes more than 70 times the federal legal limit. Holy funhouse Batman.California Attorney General Jerry Brown is currently suing several makers of “bounce houses” claiming that amount of lead can cause your kid to go insane or die.

Friggin BP

Here’s something you might not know. Seems scientists believe the dispersants BP are using to break up the oil in the Mexican Gulf is making the spill even more toxic. All hail BP.Oh and it poses a grave risk not only to marine life but human health as well. Have a nice day.

Friggin Toxic Mushrooms

Yippee Chinese medical investigators, you finally worked out  it was those friggin tiny toxic mushrooms mysteriously killing  up to 400 people over the past 30 years. Hmm,  OK, I don’t want to be too picky here but you took your own sweet time guys! The deaths had become  known as Yunnan Sudden Death Syndrome because the victim would suddenly go into cardiac arrest and that was it..dead! After years of scratching their heads investigators finally worked out the more than 90% of deaths occurred during July and August, mushroom harvesting season. They then narrowed down the mushroom species to Little White a relatively unknown toxic fungus. Slowly, slowly catch the monkey.

Would You Like Cadmium With That?

Hey psst Loons, if you happened to have got yourself a McDonald’s Shrek drinking glass, you might want to throw it away. Not that any of you would, but just in case! Evidently 13.4 million of them have been recalled due to the toxic metal cadmium found in the paint design. You know, the crap that shrivels your kidneys and makes your bones soften. No not the food silly, the friggin paint, stay with me here. Anywho, got one, get rid of it!

Psst Loons of Australia, Asia  and Europe you can ignore this public service announcement, it’s only the US and Canada who have fallen foul of the tainted paint.

Miley Cyrus Jewelry is toxic

That's what you get for mocking

Sweet niblets, Miley trinkets are toxic (hmm, so is her music but I digress). Evidently Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana jewelry contains high  levels of friggin cadmium, some crap that shrivels your kidneys and brain (and common in Made In China products). Wal-Mart are throwing the necklaces and bracelets off the shelves as we speak, while their PR department handles the media who claim Wal-Mart knew about the toxic concerns in February. Sometimes having exclusivity can be a bitch! Wal-Mart said that while the jewelry is not intended for children, “it is possible that a few younger consumers may seek it out in stores.” WTF, who else would wear cheap friggin “teen star” trinkets? Even more bizarre a representative from the jewelry industry said they weren’t necessarily concerned about the high levels in the jewelery but how much of the shit came off the item when sucked , bitten or swallowed!