Nice Dismount

OK, one more time people, if you are going to use a bicycle as a getaway vehicle when stealing a TV from Walmart, make sure you pay attention or you may just slam into the back of a police car. The fool was too distracted by a policeman chasing him on foot that he didn’t see the other cop drive up ahead and stop. Wham, %#^& , splat.

That’s One Way To Stop Crime

Don’t mess with Texas Walmart employees, they’ll run you down with their car if they suspect you of shoplifting,  just ask Dominique Mason, a high school senior. Mason was contemplating nicking a few DVDs and video games when he had a change of heart and left the store. Unbeknownst to him he was being watched by a savvy employee who didn’t notice that Mason had returned the items. As Mason walked down the street a car came up behind him and kaboom, he rolled onto the hood and thudded to the ground. Next thing he knows is he’s face to face with the “takes his job way too seriously” Walmart employee who told him he was to never to return to the store again.  And that my friends is how they do it in Texas.

Want sauce with that?

Irrelevant Breaking News

You know the end of the world is near when Aussie newspapers have breaking news like this …. Miley Cyrus rescues abandoned puppy . OK, sure, it was outside of an LA Walmart, but it ain’t breaking news. Hmm, Miley Cyrus mauled to death by an abandoned puppy, now that is breaking news!!!!

Extreme Black Friday Shopping

Black Friday sales hit a new high this year when a woman used pepper spray in an LA Walmart to assist in her shopping frenzy. The unidentified Hispanic woman whipped out her can of mace and sprayed  rival shoppers as she desperately tried to get her hands on a electronic device. At least 10 customers were treated for injuries following the incident. No word on whether the woman successfully purchased her item. In two other separate incidents two shoppers have been shot as they made their way to the carpark with their goodies.

Psst For those who don’t know what Black Friday is, it’s a massive discount bargain day that follows Thanksgiving and is notorious for frenzied shoppers doing everything and anything to get their hands on a sale item.

Jesus Does Walmart

He’s been laying low for awhile but don’t despair, Jesus is back and this time  he’s made an appearance on a Walmart receipt. Yep, seems a couple who had been shopping  on the weekend discovered Jesus’s face a few days later when they saw the receipt on the floor after returning from church. Sheez, I really hope its Jesus and not some Taliban terrorist!

 

Sticky Situation

Hmm????

OK loons this is why you never let your ass touch the seat in a public toilet. A man got stuck on a toilet seat in Walmart after someone spread glue on it. It is not known how long the Elkton man was stuck in the bathroom but emergency workers had to remove the seat from the toilet and escort him out of the store with it still firmly attached to his butt. It was later removed at Union hospital. Oh well, at least that’s something, it would be a bitch to put pants on over that forever!!!

 

People of Walmart

Some thanks!

Oh my, George Plane Jr (83), a Walmart greeter , has been arrested for trying to rob the store he worksed at in North Carolina. It is alleged after his shift he waltzed to his car, donned on a disguise , returned, pulled a gun on a garden center worker, fired a shot into the air and fled with cash . Gramps was caught a short time later. Hmm, there will be a lot more greetings where he’s going!

Psst Sometimes it makes me think the elderly see prison as a retirement village. Free room, food , medical, sex, Internet etc

It Takes Some Skill

I couldn’t do this without making a complete fool of myself but a man in Georgia was arrested after he stuffed a rotisserie chicken, chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down the front of his pants and walked out of a Walmart. Joseph Lee Stringer managed to get all the way out of the store via the garden center before getting busted. Hmm, I hope that chicken wasn’t hot.

It’s Everyone For Themselves

Run!!!!

OK here’s the thing, if you are all going to shoplift as a family at Walmart, the least you could do is take the bub with you when you get sprung. Mamma and her two older children (11 and 13) were loading their purses, diaper bag and baby stroller with stolen goods when security spotted them. The family bolted after being confronted as they left the store, leaving everything, including the 6 month old baby, in their wake. All three were eventually arrested.

You Are Getting Sleepy

Luckily Arlene Kahn was thorough in her cooking preparations or she may have found herself inexplicably falling asleep. Ms Kahn found two 25 mg blue pills in a clump of Walmart ground beef which turned out to be sleeping pills. The Florida Walmart store say they don’t package their own meat but gave Ms Kahn a refund and voucher for her troubles.