Tag Archives: washington

No Seriously Honey, It Wasn’t Me!!!

You know what I hate? When your wallet gets stolen by a sex offender and he uses your name as an alias and kaboom, you’re on a sex offender registry forever. I really friggin hate that. Dan Wheeler from Washington has been arrested, refused jobs and been rejected as a foster parent all because of a stolen identity. Both police and prosecutors have told him there is zip, nada, zilch that can be done about it. Evidently when a sex offender is arrested using an alias, that name is kept on file forever.

Psst Oh for goodness sakes why don’t the police include a photograph of the “real” Dan Wheeler on file so they can give him some piece of mind or issue him with a different social security number.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

Margarine or Butter?

For a brother and sister in Washington, when it comes to making macaroni and cheese it’s friggin essential to get it right. The brother was forced to call police after an argument over whether to make the meal with butter or margarine turned ugly. It is alleged the sister went ballistic and tried to cut her brother’s neck with the serrated edge of a spatula after they fought about which was better, butter or margarine.

Psst If they bought it in a friggin pre-mix all they would have to do is add water…gosh!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Where’s Bin Laden?

Oh for goodness sakes people, one minute  Osama Bin Laden is hiding out in Iran training friggin falcons and the next minute (if Imadinnerjacket is to be believed)  he’s in friggin Washington. Gosh, he must have the best hiding place ever!

Psst I bet you anything he has a Twitter account!

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Filed under Denial, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !

House From Hell

Boo!

Ok, not wanting to sound like a friggin horror plot…OK, no choice. A Washington school principal who was murdered in his house last week had been concerned about the house’s horror history . When Brian Betts’ bought the house in 2003 he had no idea George Russell and his 9 year old daughter , Erika Smith, had been murdered in it just the year before. A slight oversight by the real estate agent no doubt!  Anywho, as soon as he moved in a neighbor told him of its grisly past, freaking the principal out enough that he organized an exorcism. Police are pretty sure his murder was not related to the double murder. Just a coincidence you say?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Log Off Fool

Genius!

OK, here’s the thing dumbassed burglar, do not and I repeat do not, break into a store and then use their computer to log onto your MySpace account, you’ll get busted every time. The Washington teen also spent a little time surfing the porn sites and trying to sell his stolen items online in the 5 hours he spent robbing the Bella Office Furniture store. Gotta give him points for ingenuity.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

Well That Certainly Sucks

Health care? Who needs heath care!

Move over all you bloodsuckers in Washington, we have the real deal and he wants to be the first vampire president of the United States. Introducing Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey who claims to be a direct descendant of Vlad II the Impaler, aka Dracula. Hmm, I bet you haven’t got a birth certificate either! Mr Sharkey has scheduled a press conference in Florida for Monday to announce his plans to run for President of the United States in 2012 on the Republican ticket. I can see Hannity choking on his Hersey Bar as we speak. His only stumbling block would have to be his numerous affairs with 16 year old girls. but hey,  when it comes to Washington who hasn’t got a few skeletons in the closet, right John Edwards?  Anywho, the vampire even has his own website, so he must be serious… click if you dare…. The Impaler.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Friggin Steering Wheels

WTF!

You know what I hate? When you are driving along in your 1978 Buick and the friggin steering wheel pops off and you smash into a barn, I really hate that! The man was on State Route 530 in Washington when the incident happened. The steering wheel came off, his car went down an embankment, over the other side and kaboom, straight into a barn full of milking equipment. If the accident had occurred a tad later he would have killed, injured or maimed the 140 cows about to be milked.

Psst Thank god he wasn’t driving a Toyota!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Well I Never, Whoops!

Tapeworm for Washington State Seal

Recognition at last!

James Vaughn of Orting wants to change Washington’s state seal to a tapeworm attached to the taxpayers ass.Yes, bye-bye George Washington and hello tapeworm dressed in a three-pieced suit attached to a taxpayers butt. Oh and don’t think he isn’t serious, he has already filed the required “Initiative to the People” papers and included with them is a few pages bitching about how much taxpayers have to pay to be residents and businesses of this fine state. He even suggests the motto to go alongside the tapeworm …”Committee to sucking the life out of each and every taxpayer.” Damn best $5 investment he ever spent I say!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Friggin Exploding Manholes

It’s bad enough avoiding drunk drivers on the road but friggin exploding manholes, sheez near impossible. A Washington woman is in a serious condition after an explosion caused  a manhole cover to fly off, crash through the windshield of her SUV and smack her full on in the face. Nasty. An investigation is underway to determine if it was a gas leak that caused the kaboom. Hmm, if not, then it could be a case of random flying manhole covers…everybody panic.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

OMG, this wont do!

OK, here’s the thing Monique Reed of Washington, even though your customer didn’t like the way you did her hair, you don’t go and shoot her in the back… no honey, you don’t. The whole ugly incident started over a hair weave. Lauren Newton was none too pleased about it and got into a verbal with her. Enter Ms Newton’s sister. Ms Reed claims the sister jumped her so she fired two shots, hitting Ms Newton in her lower back. Despite her claims she didn’t know a .38 caliber gun was a “deadly weapon” because it “didn’t even take her down” Reed is expected to get 5-20 years behind bars. Plenty of people to practice on in there!

Psst Lauren Newton made a full recover.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt