You NEED to Let It Go

Two questions, did you make the cover yourself and what on earth could be under it? OK, no, I have a third question. Do you fold, roll or bundle the cover when you leave?

Goddam It Facebook

I am currently creating a new Friggin Loon Page on Facebook because apparently just having a normal Friggin Loon profile is no longer enough. Yep, FB stopped my WordPress feed and I have been silently protesting ever since. I’ll be damned cutting and pasting on both platforms.  Don’t worry followers (the two of you), they are recreating my site so you will all be soon receiving my WP posts once again.

Seriously, life is complicated enough without having to go down this slippery slope.  Yes, I know, patience is a virtue. BUT when you have forgotten your FB passwords it tests the most virtuous of us.

 

Art Class For A Serial Killer

You know what I hate? When a serial killer, who confessed to killing over 90 women, begins sketching and painting some of his victims in his cell. What the? He gets to do arts and crafts?  Investigators have been encouraging him to draw his victims in chalk, pastels and watercolours in an attempt to identify them. According to the FBI, Sam Little has an eye for detail, especially when capturing their petrified expressions. Very Gacyesque.

Sam Little had gone under the radar for over 40 years until he got kaboomed with Historic DNA. Aint that a bitch. Having been linked to three murders he later confessed to many, many more. As is with some serial killers he chose to kill vulnerable women, such as drug addicts and prostitutes. He also strangled his victims before dumping them in dense forest areas, making it seem as though they died by accident.

Investigators are struggling to identify many of the women as the killings span the length and breadth of the US. Despite this, they have confirmed 36 women so far.

If you suspect one of your relatives is a serial killer off you trot to Ancestry.com and take them down, I say.

Best Conspiracy This Year

Welcome 2019 and welcome the first new conspiracy theory of the year. This involves Meaghan Markle and the royal bub to be. Rumours have been spreading recently by a small group that Meaghan isn’t pregnant at all and is, in fact, faking it. Enter the British made “moon-bump”. The strap on bump gives the appearance of being pregnant and is often used by actresses. Evidently, there have been photos suggesting that Meaghan has been wearing one under her designer frocks. A small group believes Harry and Meaghan are using a surrogate. Bless, don’t you love them. Here’s how it all started….

PSST: You can follow the conspiracy theorists on Twitter #MEGXIT

 

 

 

Pilot, Can You Deploy The Air Mask

My actual worst nightmare, sitting next to someone with BO. Apparently, I am not alone. This week a couple were removed from an American Airlines flight because several passengers complained about their chronic body odor. Just so awks. I can remember many moons ago walking into a cloud of BO in an aisle of a supermarket. It was so thick and putrid that the stench cloud engulfed me and then held me hostage. It even infiltrated my clothes and HAIR. I can remember gagging and as customers walked by they gave me side-eye as if it was me. The trauma was real.

PSST Just a little side note, the couple were so stunned they asked people in the terminal to have a whiff. According to them, they didn’t smell so bad.

Rant of the Day

In 1969 man landed on the moon. In some extraordinary feat, that still makes my eyebrow raise, they were able to televise it live. Fast forward to 2019 ….buffering, satellite interference, no signal!!! 1969 rang and said, “burn”.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Clive Palmer’s political party United Australia Party has been bombarding the airwaves and TV screens for the past few weeks with his stupid commercials. Yes, there is an election looming. He has even got Sister Scissors all riled up after he butchered their song “We Aren’t Gonna Take It” by changing the lyrics and adding his own. When they threatened to sue him he claimed straight-faced… You can’t, those new lyrics are mine.

So imagine my surprise when I received this text last night…

When elected United Australia Party will ban unsolicited political text messages which Labor & Liberal have allowed.

His party actually text me, to tell me they plan to stop political parties texting me.  WTF, you just sent me an unsolicited political text message!!!!

You know what, you Dunderklumpten, why don’t you ban ALL UNSOLICITED TEXT messages full stop. That includes scammers, telemarketers and you!

My forehead is starting to bruise.