On The Buses

You get cleaned up by a bus…what do you do? Go to the pub of course….

You’re Free To Go

It’s drywall powder!!!!!

You know what I hate? When you spend 90 days in jail waiting for lab test results for a white substance found in your car. You know what I hate even more? When the white substance turns out to be drywall powder not cocaine. Insert eye roll.

What was He Thinking?

Seriously Mr Pilot, when an engine blows on your plane with over 350 people on board PLEASE don’t ask the passengers to pray. The AirAsia flight was about 90 minutes into its flight from Perth to Malaysia when kaboom…the left engine blew up. The plane began vibrating like a washing machine and passengers began fearing the worse. That’s when the pilot came over the intercom announcing they were turning back for an emergency landing . He ended his announcement with ‘I hope you all say a prayer, I will be saying a prayer too and let’s hope we all get back home safely’. Evidently that is when people started reaching for their life jackets fearing the plane would plunge into the ocean at any moment. I would have been been emptying that drinks trolley and rocking in the crash fetal position

PSST The airline is claiming the incident was nothing more than a “technical ” issue.

Batman Found The Joker

Either the Texas police have employed a superhero or the dude who arrested a shoplifter isn’t really Batman. Personally, I don’t know who was more embarrassed, the police officer dressed as Batman or the poor sucker who got arrested by him? Ironically  the WalMart thief approached Batman for a selfie (blahahahahaha)  but was soon busted for being in possession of stolen DVDs (including The Lego Batman Movie). One to tell the grand kids fool.

PSST : Wouldn’t it be cool if all of the police dressed as superheroes…just saying.

An Earthquake Swarm You Say?

Well Boo Boo, seems like you might want to grab your picnic basket and RUN!!!! Evidently Yellowstone National Park has been rattled by over 464 earthquakes in the past week. The reason being the Yellowstone supervolcano has been causing earthquake swarms . Despite the increase of in the seismic activity, experts are assuring the public there is no cause for alarm. Hmm, yeah right, then why call them “earthquake swarms”? Enough to scare the beejesus out of me.

Have You Checked the Children?

Attention loons, best job ever is being offered in Scotland. Hands up who wants to be a nanny? OK, there is just one catch, apart from having to look after friggin snowflakes, you have to contend with a ghost. Evidently the place is hell crazy…weird noises, furniture moving, things breaking (the usual paranormal stuff). So far 5 nannies have run for the hills. The family claim they have never experienced anything out of the ordinary. Hmm, so what are the odds they employed 5 lying, delusional child care workers? Sleep with one eye open nannies.

Cladding Nightmare

If you thought the Grenfell Tower tragedy couldn’t get much worse, think again. The makers of the combustible cladding have revealed the insulation used on the cladding (that burned like match sticks) is also highly TOXIC. And by toxic I mean hydrogen cyanide. Seriously, why on earth would anyone produce a highly flamable and toxic cladding for buildings? . I fear this tragedy is far from over.