Nut Job

"Of course I won't tell anyone!"

What’s up in Asia ? A Malaysian welder who was about to get engaged decided, before the big event, to lengthen the size of his penis (as you do!). He rummaged around in his tool bag, found a nut and then threaded it onto his penis in hope that it would help to stretch it. Hmm didn’t count on an erection now, did he? The fire department were first called out to deal with the problem but they soon hand passed it to the Staff at the Sultanah Aminah hospital. They then had the pleasure of draining the blood from the welder’s penis (in between a few chuckles I bet) and then cut away the top layer of skin to remove the nut (ouch!). Last month a man from Kuala Lumpur decided to do the very same thing and his doctor had to call the fire service to cut the steel ring off his privates too! I wouldn’t be a Firefighter in Malaysian for quids.

So what really was his star sign?

One day you are rummaging through your late step dad’s stuff and before you know it you are knee deep in a crime investigation. And not just any crime, one of the biggest friggin unsolved one’s in American history. Books, films, doco’s have all been written about the hooded maniac running around the Bay area California in the late 1960’s and 70’s killing people and taunting police.
The Zodiac killer sent four crytograms to the press of which only three were ever deciphered . That was until Denis Kaufman came forward.He believes his step father,Jack Tarrance, is the hooded cryptic code killer. The stepson is going on the premise if he looks like the zodiac killer, writes like the zodiac killer and has a hood just like the zodiac killer, he probably is the zodiac killer. When Denis’s step dad died in 2006 the whole awful reality unfolded before him. I remember watching the latest Zodiac movie on a flight and it scared the living daylights out of me, I can’t imagine what I would do if I found the friggin hood with a zodiac on it! Even worse for Denis was having Jack’s undeveloped rolls of film developed and discovering gruesome images of presumed victims. I bet Arthur Leigh Allen, the number one suspect of the crimes would have been really miffed if he were alive today.

The Ripper in the Burbs

I Can't Hack Living Here!

It seems the town of Ipswich in Brisbane, Australia, is in abuzz over claims Jack the Ripper was once walking amongst them. The person of interest is one Andrew John Gibson (aka Walter Thomas Porriott) who is believed to  have left London around the same time as the grisly Whitehall murders stopped. For some strange reason he sailed to Australia to try his luck in the suburbs of Brisbane. All fingers seem to be pointing at him. So who was Gibson ? Evidently he was a convicted killer who fancied the ladies (he was married 20 times). He was eventually buried with last known wife Eliza (Bessie) in the Toowong Cemetery in 1952. Just to add a little intrigue, Porriott doesn’t even crack a mentioned on the headstone (I guess wife 20 found out about the about wife numbers 1,2,3,4,5 ….) it simply reads “Bessie died 25th June 1957 and her husband”. BUT it does have a grainy image on it. The image depict a caped-man raising a dagger (of course it would!). Blame the latest sleuth solving effort on Brisbane historian and Ipswich City Councillor Paul Tully who also thinks Ned Kelly’s younger brother Dan and fellow gang member Steve Hart survived the famous Kelly gang shoot-out at Glenrowan and came to live in Ipswich too. Hmm Ipswich is beginning to sound a lot like a serial killers retirement village.

McNasty

I remember someone telling me once that when we die it takes more than 10 times longer to decompose because of all the preservatives in our body from processed food. Maybe this is proof?

Bigfoot Bandwagon?

Dear Storsjoe, nice work!

Storsjoe, Sweden’s answer to the Loch Ness monster has been caught on security cameras (quick check, where are Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer?). Wanna see the footage click here Storsjoe. It seems long before Nessie was scaring tourists in the Loch, another was wreaking havoc in Scandinavia. The Great Lake Monster known as Storsjoe (never heard of it) has been spotted over 200 times during it’s 400 year history in Svenstavik (never hear of that either). The first sighting dates back to 1635 and the most recent in July 2007. The monster is believed to be serpent like with a small head like a dog and ears/fins on its neck (that’s an eel!). The surveillance video cameras were set up for the very purpose of catching the beast on tape.Oh dear they even have a full time person employed who reviews the footage each day (hope the pay’s good!). And please, lets hope we won’t see no rubber snake in a freezer anytime soon, its already been done (ala Bigfoot fiasco).

Average Hockey Mom for White House ?

Has she gone yet ?

It just had to happen. One of America’s Presidential candidates was going to pick a female running mate. I just didn’t think it was going to be the Republicans. McCain must have had scouts searching high and low for a female or an African American to counter attack the momentum of Obama. Finally he found a person of interest in little old Alaska (barely remembered as being part of America). No one saw this coming. The 44 year old moose hunter (PETA won’t be pleased),ex beauty queen, ex commercial fisherwoman and mother of five has been the Governor there for 2 years. Though Sarah Palin has little experience who cares,she has five kids and did anyone ever see Chaney during those Bush years? Plus we get to see history in the making regardless of whoever wins. Gosh, I love politics. So all we have to do now is work out which history path to take, hmm a black man in the Oval Office or a woman as vice-president.

What is it with Royalty and Cakes?

So a piece of Princess Diana’s 27 year old wedding cake (decorated with the royal coat of arms of course) has just sold at auction for£1,200. Big Deal. On the 30th of July, 2008, a pair of Queen Victoria’s undies (aka knickers) sold at auction for £4,500 pounds, that is about $9,000 US (take that). The enormous bloomers, with a 127 cm waist, are monogrammed and crested too and date back to the 1890’s. Bless, what does one do with them ? If you want to learn a little more about the “Auld Bitch” (James Joyce’s pet name for her) check out Public Art Around the World.

Now back to this wedding cake, or should we say marzipan and icing! The cake’s remains belonged to Moyra Smith, who was lucky enough to get her hands on a piece whilst working for the Queen. Moyra must have eaten the bottom half but left the top which had the royal coat of arms in the icing. The 23sqcm, 800g souvenir was wrapped in cling film (aka cling wrap) and plonked into a cake tin. There it sat quietly for 27 years, with maybe a few envious peeks from Moyra’s friends, until she passed away. Hubby obviously hadn’t bonded as much with the cake because he sent it off to auction where it became the most expensive slice of cake in history.

And It’s Gold To Kate Moss

Capturing her best angle no doubt!

What the world needs now is Moss sweet Moss. Could they have found someone more worthy to turn into gold? Artist Marc Quinn is the creator of the 110 lb (gosh is that too fat!) Kate Moss sculpture worth $2.8 million. And if that doesn’t get your goat it seems the statue named “Siren” is the largest gold statue built since the time of ancient Egypt (all poor Diana got was a crappy fountain that didn’t work). Why Kate Moss?. Hmm here is the sculptor’s answer “she was the closest model to human perfection he could find” (OK, he obviously didn’t look too hard). I’ll give you a second to compose yourself.OK, so I must confess I don’t know much about Kate Moss (even though I have been known to wear a splash of Burberry) but these words always pop into my head the instant I hear her name ; Johnny Depp, Pete Doherty, crooked teeth, cocaine, Pete Doherty and ah that thin model. Oh well, Quinn can always melt it down and make a nice bracelet.

Facebook the Movie

Make it stop !

It’s bad enough that people you have tried to avoid (since pre school) can now hunt you down on Facebook and find out what you are doing (and who your real friends are) but now a movie ! Will it be about stalkers ? It seems the creator of West Wing, Aaron Sorkin, has been lured into the evil world of Facebook to research for a new film about this social networking site.Well, that’s just the end of his career then, isn’t it? Before he will know it, no script will be written,no movie deal done, he’ll just sit as his computer all day trying to think up names from the past to search and reply to all the other stalkers who have found his profile. Oh and at first a big effort will be made at making his profile look pretty. He’ll add all the little novelty add ons such as “fish tank”, “add to my garden”, “cities I have visited” (which no one uses after the first few days). Oh yeah he’s a gonna. Then he’ll spend the rest of his life conversing with people he doesn’t even like (his new best friends).Even if he tries to ignore them, they will know (they know everything). A simple check of Sorkin’s feed will tell them that! Then there will be sleepless nights and years of therapy trying to understand why some people won’t add him as their Facebook friend (Facebook envy). He will eventually collect a bunch of stalkers all wanting to pick his brains about TV (AND who will boast to others that they have Aaron “West Wing” Sorkin as a Facebook friend). Maybe Sorkin should be thinking “Facebook the Musical”, it worked for Abba and Zac Efron.

Crucified Frog Fiasco

I guess Father Rungi is off the hook with his nun beauty pageant idea, it seems the Pope has bigger problems. A sculpture of a bright green frog nailed to a cross with a beer mug and an egg in it’s hands has caused quite a commotion in the mountains of Northern Italy. The sculpture is by the late German artist Martin Kippenberge and the locals are none too happy. The reason it seems is it is far too close to the Pope’s summer holiday house, plus it’s ugly. Local Catholics have deemed the little amphibian a “public obscenity” and want it taken out of the Bolzano Museum of Modern Art. Bless. The problem has created such a stir the Bishop of Bolzano and Bressanone, had no option but to discussed the sculpture with the Pope (love to have been a fly on the wall). Could it get any better ? You bet. The Union for South Tyrol, a separatist group, collected 10,000 signatures for a petition demanding the removal of the crucified froggy and Franz Pahl (the president of Trentino-Alto Adige regional council) has gone on a hunger strike in protest over the exhibit. If people only had this type of passion over war and famine!
Oh and if you think it’s the first time the Bolzano Museum has been in trouble, think again. About two years ago the Bolzano museum hit the headlines by displaying a work of art consisting of a toilet flushing to the accompaniment of Italy’s national anthem. See, in hind sight a beauty pageant for nuns wasn’t so bad!