Monthly Archives: November 2008

Leopolds Cafe Reopens Days After Massacre

Farzad Jehani and his brother Farhang rock. Less than 5 days after Mumbai was besieged by gun toting terrorists the owners of Leopold’s cafe have reopened it. Yes, this is the cafe that was shot to smithereens and 10 of its patrons killed when militants targeted the popular eatery only a few days ago (Wednesday). OK you might find the odd splat of blood here and there or the occasional  bullet hole in the walls, but Farzad (Mr Defiant) says he “would never let terrorists win.We will prove to terrorists by opening that we have won, you have not won,”. I am also sure that financially the brothers needed to get the doors open as soon as possible because there is nothing like a massacre to kill a business. But they needn’t have worried that the bloody incident was going to damage their business because the moment those shutters were pulled up on Sunday morning, customers poured into the cafe, some cheering “God Bless India”. Leopold’s Cafe has been operating for 137 years and it will take more than a handful of gun crazed friggin terrorists to change that! Bravo boys.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Well I Never

Chuck Another Shrimp on the Treadmill!

Hmm, I don’t know if this is friggin cruel or friggin funny. Scientists from the Pacific University of Oregon built the shrimp treadmill to see how far the little blighter would travel for food. Professor David Scholnick, heading the experiment, was surprised to discover the super fit crustacean could jog for hours without a break at speeds of 66ft per minute. Even more surprising was that his little science experiment video of the exercising creature became an instant hit on YouTube. Wanna see it?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Research, Friggin Wildlife

Chloroform Boobs Latest Weapon

Too easy!

Too easy!

Warning to all men in Uganda, don’t go sniffing around woman’s chests if you can help it, you may be in for a big surprise, a booby trap!. A gang of robbers have found a neat way to clean out visiting businessmen wallets, chloroform coated women.The gang uses big breasted accomplices planted in popular bars and nightclubs to find cashed up victims and then well you know, get them believing they are in for a good time. Before they know it they are naked and lying in a gutter somewhere, stripped of their money and their dignity.
Juliana Mukasa is just one of the women thieves who has been robbing and humiliating men in Uganda for years. Fred Enanga spokesman for Criminal Investigations Directorate said “You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him,”. There is a sort of “serves yourself right” element to this story.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Not the Old Blonde in the Miniskirt trick!

Guys, dont do it!

Guys, dont do it!

Anadel Carrizales was driving along in his pick-up in Monterrey, Mexico, minding his own business when he noticed a blonde in a black miniskirt stranded along the side of the road. Being a gentleman Anadel,stopped to see if she needed a hand (as men do when a damsel in a miniskirt is in distress). The blonde wandered over to the kind hearted man and told him that there was a gun being pointed at him so he better hand over his money. She (now referred to as bitch) then tied him up with packing tape and super glued his hands to the steering wheel of his truck before taking off with his wallet and all of his credit cards.Fortunately he was able to steer himself to the nearest police station where emergency services were called to free his hands. Imagine how Anadel Carrizales explained this little incident to his wife!

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing

Friggin Nicolas Sarkozy Voodoo Doll

Its just a little prick!

Its just a little prick!

Nicolas Sarkozy voodoo doll would never been such a hit had it not been for the fact the French President wanted it banned. Unfortunately,  he is going to find it even more humiliating now that the court has ordered all the dolls to be labeled with a warning that says it is offensive to the dignity of the French President to prick him with the needles (as if anyone cares). Problem it seems was the evil little doll, made by publishing company K&B, fell “within the authorised limits of free expression and the right to humour” .Humour all right, the voodoo doll is covered in some of Mr Sarkozy’s quotes including ‘Get lost arsehole!’which he muttered to a bystander who refused to shake his hand last year (hmm,what a prick!).About 20,000 Sarkozy voodoo dolls have been sold so far but now that the legal issues have been cleared and the publicity achieved, expect a few of them in hanging in this year’s Christmas stockings.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt

Wal Mart Employee Trampled

Black Friday indeed. A part time employee Jdimytai Damour from Wal Mart was killed when desperate shoppers broke down the door of a Long Island store in New York State to grab a bargain at 5 O’clock in the morning.The unfortunate soul was manning the front entrance of Valley Stream when a surge of consumers burst through the doors and trampled him (four shoppers were also taken to hospital). It took staff several minutes to find the flattened Wal Mart employee as there were hundreds of people walking over him. The first Friday after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday , when retail stores open early to offer discounts. Hmm, I am guessing Wal Mart staff won’t want to be on rostered door duty on that day again! Meanwhile two people are dead after a gun fight broke out in the car park of Toys “R” Us store in Palm Desert, California. No word on what toy this dispute was about but I imagine it wasn’t worth it!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, They Live Among Us !

Taj Mahal Hotel

Sadly and ironically the Taj Mahal Hotel in Mumbai features in the book 1,000 Places to See Before You DieA Traveler’s Life List by Patricia Schultz. Here is hoping the editors remove it before the next edition.

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Free Friggin Flip Flops

All that remains of Betty, who went missing after her hens night!

All that remains of Betty, who went missing after her hens night!

Is this what the world has come to free flip flops? Police in Britain will be carrying bags of uni-sex thongs / flip flops to hand out to drunk woman in stilettos. The footwear is part of a $70,000 publicly funded project to prevent “alcohol-related harm” coming to people wearing inappropriate shoes.In particular the blue thongs will come in handy for women attending hens nights, who after a hard night of drinking are at risk of hurting themselves by either tripping up in high heels or cutting themselves when walking barefooted. Evidently the blue flip flop idea was prompted by fears that women could twist or sprain their ankles on the way home after a night out (and we should care why?). Hmm, shouldn’t they be more concerned about them being stabbed, raped or murdered now they have a blue flip flop indicator telling would be predators “drunk woman”? Because lets face it, you would have to be totally pissed to wear blue flip flops with anti drinking messages printed all over them. The scheme will begin in Torquay Devon. AND no I am not friggin making this up! For goodness sakes, it’s true. Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, said “People don’t pay their taxes for drunk women to get free flip-flops.”

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Join the skeptic club!, Thanks For Nothing

That Will Teach You

Quit complaining I gotta walk back!

Quit complaining I gotta walk back!

AHAHHAHHA, good old fashion punishment.A Northern Territory father has taken a interesting approach to punishment (considering all the restrictions these days) by making his five year old son walk 2 and half hours to school everyday after he got kicked off the school bus.Yep, naughty little Jack Burt threw an apple core at the bus drivers head and was bus banned for 5 days. After Jack fessed up to his dad Sam Burt, he decided the little tyke should learn a lesson. So every morning the duo woke up at 5.10am and walked the 13kms from Herbert to Humpty Doo (yes it is a real name!).After the 5 days of punishment Mr Burt took out a public notice in the Northern Territory newspaper “Jack Burt and his dad wish to thank all the kind people who stopped to offer them lifts in the past week. It’s good to see a number of good people in the community. Jack hopes to be allowed back on the bus on Monday.” Well, the story doesn’t quite finish there, come Monday morning Jack was back in trouble. So Mr Burt threatened little Jack with after school walks home.A teary little Jack wasn’t impressed because he feared he wouldn’t get home before dark. Ah, but his dad was quick to reassure him it was OK, they would leave the key out for him!

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The Friggin Law

What are you going to do if you discover a thief has robbed your business? Well,if you are Simon Cremer you wrestle him to the ground, tie him up, hang a “thief” sign around his neck and march him through town to the nearest police station.Fair enough you may say but not in the real world. Nope the thief Mark Gilbert was arrested for theft, admitted his guilt and was let off with a caution but our man of the moment Simon Cremer (along with three workers) was arrested and charged with false imprisonment.He and his staff will appear in court in December. Meanwhile the culprit, Mr Gilbert, who stole a cheque and made it out for £845, goes on his merry way. Police in Little Maplestead, Essex, must love their job.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, Thanks For Nothing