Monthly Archives: November 2008

Ant That a Scam

Aphrodisiacs! Next theyll say we taste like abalone!

Aphrodisiacs! Next theyll say we taste like abalone!

An ant scam how ingenious. Wang Zhendong thought he had come up with the ultimate scam, convincing hundreds of people to invest in his ant breeding project. The ants were to be used to make herbal remedies, liquor and aphrodisiacs (how many friggin ants would you have to crush for that?). Wang had promised investors returns of between 35-60% from the breeding project which promptly led to people throwing their money into it, $439 million (3 billion yuan) to be exact. Imagine their shock when it was discovered it was all a bogus scam and Wang had no intention of breeding friggin ants let alone juicing them for their magical powers.Many investors fell into depression and one even committed suicide. Needless to say Wang Zhendong was executed (come on it’s China for goodness sakes).

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Filed under Friggin Wrong, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Lesbian Polar Bears and the Gay Penguins

We cant help being  Fairy Penguins?

We cant help being born Fairy Penguins?

OK, experts at Kushiro Municipal Zoo in  Japan have been trying to mate two polar bears for over 6 months with no luck. The zookeepers watched Tsuyoshi and Kurumi very closely looking for mating ritual signs during the rutting season but nothing, nada, zip. They eventually found out what the lack of attraction was, they were both female bears. Dah, that was a complete waste of friggin time! Whilst over in Polar Land in Harbin, China, zoo keepers are having all sorts of problems with two gay penguins. Yep,the dastardly duo have been nicking the eggs from the female penguins and placing stones at their feet in an attempt to fool them. Seems the boys want to be daddys and take care of the fertile eggs as nature intended (they just don’t want to have to do it with a female penguin first). Zoo keepers have had to remove the couple from the straight birds because they were a disruptive influence on the community.

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Filed under Evolution Be Damned!, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Kangaroo T-Shirt Contempt

Oh dear, three Singaporeans have been jailed for contempt of court after rocking up in court wearing t-shirts depicting kangaroos in judges robes.They weren’t even on trial but were there to lend support to Chee Soon Juan and Chee Siok Chin who had been found guilty of defaming Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and former leader Lee Kuan Yew. Well the judge didn’t see the funny side of their attire and charged them with contempt. Isrizal Bin Mohamed Isa, Muhammad Shafi’ie Syahmi Bin Sariman and Tan Liang Joo John were all given jail terms ranging from 7 to 15 days.Tan is the Assistant Secretary-General of the opposition Singapore Democratic Party so he was given the longest sentence (of course). There will be no Kangaroo Court insinuation in Singapore thank you. Hmm, maybe they should have picked a less offensive marsupial?

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Sweet Lord

Dont even think about it for Easter!

Dont even think about it for Easter!

There are some things that are just simply wrong, baby Jesus piñatas, Pope soap on a rope and chocolate Jesus’. Whacking, washing or chomping on a religious figure is just kinda creepy.But Berlin businessman Frank Oynhausen, who has just set up the “Sweet Lord” chocolate Jesus-making business, says he wants to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany. Oh yeah, nothing says Christmas like a milk chocolate Jesus. Mr Oynhausen said “I started thinking about how I could reintroduce traditional religious values into this commercial world,”. Doesn’t that sound wrong to you? If he wants traditional religious values to be restored selling choccy Lords for a profit ain’t the answer (that is commercialism). Being too harsh? Hmm. So what, pray tell are the church associations saying about it “It is terrible that Jesus is being wrapped up in gold foil and sold along with chocolate bunnies, edible penguins and lollipops,”. The Protestant Church call it “tasteless” and the Catholic Church, well, they aren’t amused either (no surprise there). Good luck with your traditional religious values Frank. Gosh at least nobody has complained that they are milk chocolate instead of white yet! Click here to visit Sweet Lord website.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never

South Korea Adultery Law

If he thinks our marriage was bad before, wait till I get out!

This isnt helping my acting Korea!

Hmm, Gordon Ramsay, better stay away from South Korea if he knows what’s good for him, seems adultery could get you two years in jail if you get caught and your spouse files a criminal complaint. A popular South Korean actress Ok So-ri is facing 18 months behind bars for admitting to having an affair with a singer. Her husband, Park Chul, who is really pissed is demanding the book be thrown at her. Her case is highlighting the issue of whether the Adultery Law should be given the flick, as it is more often than not being used as weapon for revenge rather than as a means of salvaging a marriage (dah!). The constitutional court has ruled for the fourth time that adultery must remain a crime, saying it was damaging to social order and “the punishment of a two-year jail term is not excessive when comparing it to responsibility.” (gosh you get less for murder). Imagine how many prisons we would have to built if this became a global law?

UPDATE : Oh boy, Ok So-ri has been found guilty of adultery and has been given a 8 months suspended sentence, which means no jail time. Her lover also got whacked with a 6 months suspended sentence for his little part!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Sore Loser, Well I Never

The Mars Bar Excuse

Marco Fella could have been a poster boy for Mars Bars but instead he is likely to be a convicted felon. Mr Fella’s 10 Mars Bars a day habit is being blamed for his recent assaults on his girlfriend. It is being argued that when his sugar is low he just snaps. Tell that to his girlfriend who has been attacked on several occasions by the sugar junkie. The latest incident was triggered by his girlfriend donning on a pair of big undies instead of a thong (I hate to think!). Mr Fella bit her finger for that. He is also accused of hitting her in the face with a rope.Lawyer for Mr Fella said “My client’s temper snapped because he felt his partner was not making enough effort in the relationship”. Hmm why would ya?

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Filed under Denial, Join the skeptic club!, They Live Among Us !

Serial Killer Planning to Record Pop Album

Proposed album cover

Proposed album cover

Ah bless, just like Charles Manson, Verry Idham Henyansyah (aka Ryan), an Indonesian serial killer, is planning to release a pop album (ooh maybe it’ll be his big break!). Mr Henyansyah is a bit vague about what songs he is going to choose for the record but his lawyer Nyoman Rae says he has been recording for months. He also added “This is really a big case, Ryan’s story and everything connected to him is being commercialized and made into cassettes or books ,” (lucky us). Mr Henyansyah is currently on trial for allegedly killing and dismembering 11 people (including a toddler) in Jakarta. Boy, I hope he can juggle a career and the death sentence all at the same time?

UPDATE : As the jury decides the fate of Ryan, police are investigating the possibility that there are 10 more victims  unaccounted for after he confessed to more killings in his autobiography, “The Untold Story of Ryan”, which he wrote in prison and includes maps to the graves in his backyard and family photos . Hmm, sounds like a book to curl up to at night. Freak!

ALBUM RELEASED: My Last Performance is about to be released. Who knew prisons have recording studios? Hmm, I wonder if Amazon will be offering a 2 for 1 deal, album plus autobiography. And if you were concerned about criminals making a profit from their crimes the deputy attorney general Abdul Hakim Ritonga says “The accused, like any other artist, also has the right to claim royalties from the sale of book or album. Indonesia does not prohibit that.” Hmm, but you can’t do yoga.

OK, I think this is all to do with Ryan…sorry my Indonesian isn’t very good…

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong

Friggin Tool Bag in Space

OK, I tried to simply ignore the friggin tool bag lost in space story. I didn’t give a Will Robinson that Astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper accidentally let go of the tether holding the $100,000 bag. Nope, I wasn’t even vaguely interested in knowing what the hell was in the bag that could possibly cost that much. A friggin spanner? A friggin screw driver? Nope, two friggin grease guns. But then some nutter in Australia goes and finds the friggin thing speeding through space, films it and puts it on YouTube. Now what friggin choice do I have?…wanna see it?

NEWS ALERT : OK, I did some research for myself and discovered the footage isn’t of a tool bag at all. Nope, it’s of a tool, but just not NASA’s.

Lost tool in space!

Lost tool in space!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious

When Your GPS Goes Bad

Rio considering GPS alternative!

Rio considering GPS alternative!

You know your GPS (Global Positioning System) hates you when it guides you straight into Rio de Janeiro’s most dangerous slum. Three Norwegian tourists are licking their wounds after the GPS in their rented car gave them a quick alternative route to the airport, via the Mare slum complex. It didn’t take long for the rented car to come under fire. Trygve Killingtveit (driver), was shot in the shoulder whilst the other two escaped with only permanent psychological damage. The three tourists are now safe and sound back in Norway.

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

To Be Or Not To Be

You so much as wink and I'll scream!

You so much as wink and I'll scream!

Ewh, David Tennant has used the skull of a dead pianist in 22 performances of Shakespeare’s Hamlet without the audience knowing. Alas poor Yorick, why? A man of infinite jest maybe? In 1982, when André Tchaíkowsky died he donated his body to science under the proviso that his skull “shall be offered by the institution receiving my body to the Royal Shakespeare Company for use in theatrical performance.”I can just hear it now “hey guys wanna call us if you ever want to use a real skull for any of your productions.” David Howells who is the curator of the Royal Shakespeare Company admitted that in 1989 actor Mark Rylance rehearsed with André’s skull for a while but in the end it just grossed him out. The director of Hamlet, Greg Doran, also admits he deliberately didn’t let on to the public that a real skull was being used in the Yorick scenes because of the media attention it would gain. Hmm, well that didn’t work now did it?

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Well I Never