Goodness Gracious Me

The genius behind Goodness Gracious Me and Kumars at No.42 has died from a rare infection. Sharat Sardana collapsed at his father’s home after contracting a streptococcal virus but died a few days later in hospital. Sardana was only 40 years of age. Oh, what a sadder place this world is going to be without him. Sardana’s funeral will be held next Wednesday at the City of London Crematorium in Manor Park at 5pm. I am sure even in death he would want people to laugh and remember his work fondly. Here is one of the friggin funniest skits ever “Going out for an English” turning the table on the English going out for a curry! RIP Sardana and thanks for the laughs.

Angelina Jolie Fashion Faultless

Have you got a problem with that?

I wear my t-shirt back to front just friggin once and I am shamed and then deemed a fashion freak. Angelina Jolie throws her designer on backwards at the Actors Guild Awards and she is a friggin fashion genius. I just don’t get it!  Oh, well maybe I was just ahead of my time. She better not try wearing the odd socks or I swear I’ll …..

PS: I bet Max Azaria just about had kittens!

Play Golf Like A Squirrel People

Its because we play with our nuts all day!

Psychologists at the University of St Andrews in Scotland, renowned as the home of golf,  believe they have discovered the holy grail of golf. Don’t think.

Hmm, most golf coaches have known that one for ever. The problem is how does one stop a person thinking? The University of St Andrews believe just talking about your game in between playing shots can effect your skills and score. The medical mumbo jumbo is called ‘verbal overshadowing’ which makes the brain switch focus from the cerebral systems (skill related) to language related part of the brain.

I say phooey, if you want to really know the key to playing great golf you need to act like a squirrel. Squirrels, surprise, surprise, don’t think. It is the reason they are able to scurry across a thin wire and not fall off. Us humans, we think,  process and analyse. If we were told to walk a thin wire like a squirrel, we couldn’t, mainly because our brain would be working overtime analysing the situation. Our brain would be thinking , crap that’s too high, the friggin wires too thin, I will die doing it, isn’t there an easier alternative, blah, blah, blah. A squirrel however is denied the complex assessment of information and has no ability to reason. It simply processes, acts and executes.

So next time you pick up your clubs find your inner squirrel and just go for it. Oh and if you want a really cool assessment of your golf  by a world  leading golf coach check out this site Free Golf Lesson Online.

I Want My Krispy Kreme NOW!

Want, want, want. A Brisbane police officer has made a right fool of himself after he demanded free doughnuts. Hmm, the staff at Krispy Kreme denied the hungry cop the freebies and his sugar fix so he cracked the shits (as you would!). Witnesses to the fiasco said that the officer continued to argue with the staff after being told no, he eventually stormed off in a rage. One said “He was quite rude, insisting his doughnuts should be free.” Oh boy, it gets worse. Thanks to the junior constable’s public outburst, Krispy Kreme are ceasing to provide the free doughnuts to the City Beat unit . All the doughnuts which went unsold at the end of each day were given to the police but now they are being handed out to the homeless (great for their teeth!).

How To Dodge Divorce in Japan

OK men take note, nothing says “I love you” better than screaming it out loud in a park full of complete strangers (including your wife). Hmm, the latest Japanese “save your marriage” craze has “new age sensitive” men letting their feelings rip in Hibiya Park, Tokyo, for all the world to hear.
Kiyotaka Yamana, founder of the Japan Aisaika (“Devoted Husband”) Organization, started the “Shout Your Love From the Middle of a Cabbage Patch” in 2004 after his marriage fell apart due to lack of communication at home. Marriage in Japan is often regarded more as a status than as a relationship and expressing ones true feelings is considered a big friggin no-no! Japanese men in particular struggle to express any words of affection beyond “where’s my friggin dinner” (ah, so universal). So Mr Yamana thought maybe it would be easier for Japanese men to express themselves in public rather than intimately by shouting love messages to their wives.
This year Mr Yamana organized “Shout Your Love From the Middle of Hibiya Park,” with the philosophy “Husbands who take great care of their wife seem to care about those around them. So if there are more devoted husbands on earth, the world would become more peaceful.” Oh how sweet and naive.

Just Another Bad Hair Day

Oh boy, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has been given the flick (and not in a good way) he ain’t gonna be working in this town ever again. Hmm, I suppose if you are going to try and sell Mr Man of the moment’s senate seat for personal gain you should expect a little hair ruffling. But people, it was a 59 to zip Senate vote.They all agreed he abused his power. How more convincing can that be? Yeah, yeah, yeah a “political corruption crime spree” maybe, but aren’t all politician guilty of it now and then? I am thinking if I was Rod I’d toddled off to the barber, get a number 2 and go directly to another State (maybe Iowa) and then reinvent your friggin self (hey, it worked for Mickey Rourke).
Man, I don’t think they like you one little bit in Illinois . Here is what a few of your senator buddies had to say about ya ;”devious cynical, crass and corrupt politician, and someone from whom the people of this state must be protected,” Senator Dale Righter (off the Christmas card list I am guessing); “The governor’s word is not worth the paper it’s written on,” senator John Jones (ouch!);”He repeatedly abused his power and we need to extinguish it and extinguish it today,” senator Kirk Dillard (burn!).
So what did Rod do to get impeached? Ooh, other than having the wrong hairdo, which I think is a major crime in itself, he was charged with corruption i.e. bribery, “pay to play”, fraud, flogging the Presidents seat,oh you name it he did it. And so that makes him different than other politicians how?
Wanna see the whole ugly demise? Play that video…..

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Staff at Derby’s new Royal Hospital in England have called in an exorcist after being terrorized by a friggin ghost.The black clad, cloak wearing spook has been haunting the corridors of the newly built hospital for months. One nurse said “Several have seen a male figure cloaked from head to toe in black darting between rooms and through walls – especially in departments near the morgue.” Mr Jerry Phillips claims he saw the ghost in 1978  in the old hospital and it scared the bejesus out of him,“He was cloaked in black from head to foot clasping a candle — it was bone-chilling.”  Members of  the night shift staff now work in pairs after one nurse took “spook leave” after being scared near out of her witts. Hmm, well that’s what you get when you build over historical sites. It seems developers ignored protesters pleas to avoid building over one of Britain’s Ancient Roman roads (whoops). Spook experts believe the unwelcome guest is more than likely a Roman soldier killed on the site. Hmm, so I am assuming the priest will be performing the exorcism in Latin then? “Requiescat in pace” dude.
Wanna see the video? Click if you dare?

Shoe Chucking Journo Gets a Friggin Monument

God love them, the people of Saddam Hussein’s hometown, Tikrit, have erected a new monument, this time in honor of the Iraqi journo Muntazer al-Zaidi , the man who shoe threw at George W during a news conference last year. Hmm, the 2m fiberglass and copper shoe which doubles as friggin big pot plant holder has a plastic shrub in it (crap, friggin plastic plants in Iraq!). The inscription reads “Muntazer: fasting until the sword breaks its fast with blood; silent until our mouths speak the truth.” The one and a half tonne monument was created by artist Laith al-Amiri and is entitled “statue of glory and generosity”. I am not sure whether the shoe is the glory and the plastic plant is the generosity or the other way around?

UPDATE : Wow, it seems that  the Provincial Joint Coordination Centre has demanded that the shoe monument be removed. Less then two days after it was erected the statue of Glory and Generosity is no more.

Boot Only Hikers

Gunther had no idea about stinging nettles

How do you solve a problem like naked Germans? The latest craze rocking the Swiss Alps is hikers roaming naked amongst the flora and fauna (Maria’s problem could be solved!).Hoards of naked Germans have been hightailing to the Swiss peaks to experience nature in a “boot only” way.So bad is the problem that the canton of Appenzell Innerrhoden has been dishing out £122 fines to hiking nudists (difficult without pockets!), as the government tries to push through legislation to ban it completely before the hot weather arrives (damn). It is believed this nude nature thingy was spawned on by an internet campaign naming the area as a “naked rambler paradise”. Next thing they knew the hills were alive with naked hikers. Gosh I hope they put on insect repellent or there maybe more than just the sound of inner thigh slapping!

Be Gone Apostrophes

Birmingham council are sick and tired of having to answer people’s complaints over grammar in street signs that as of today they are no longer going to be using apostrophes! How would you like to be answering questions like this all day; Since the monarchy no longer own either Kings Heath or Kings Norton it can be argued that it is no longer grammatically correct to include the possessive apostrophe. Hmm, all hail Birmingham council, who’d want to be involved in answering those friggin calls. But it seems the Apostrophe Protection Society (you have got to be kidding me) is calling the apostrophe street sign ban decision as “absolute defeatism”. John Richards the founder said. “It seems retrograde, dumbing down really. All over Birmingham, and in other cities, teachers are trying to teach children correct grammar and punctuation. Now children will go around Birmingham and see utter chaos.” ( Do you think kids really give a toss?). Oh well, it seems Birmingham council staff will now be spending all of its time answering calls from angry residents who want the apostrophes put back, one big friggin vicious cycle I say! Oh and Lynne Truss you may want to get your marker pens on the ready!