OK, it is bad enough when a friggin piece of metal falls from the sky and tears a hole through your roof and second floor, but when they test it for radioactive, that’s a worry! Hmm, lucky for the Dallas house owners they won’t have to go through a Silkwood shower but they now they have a skylight they never really wanted. OK, so if you happen to be missing a 6lb chunk of metal with two drill holes in it from your airplane, satellite or spaceship there are some people in Dallas who want to have a little chat with ya! Gosh, I hope it wasn’t George W. practising his hardware skills?
Monthly Archives: February 2009
Oh dear, did no one ever warn you against washing your hair in gasoline, even if you do have friggin lice? Hmm, evidently not. An Indiana woman who was sick and tired of the creepy crawlies running through her hair, decided to kill the little pests by washing her hair in petrol. That’s fine honey, but don’t go and friggin stand next to a water heater. Next thing she knew, whoosh, hair on fire. I bet those lice got the fright of their lives “run for it she’s going to blow!”. Luckily for the woman she escaped with minor injuries, as for the lice, they are receiving counselling!
Remember people, when breaking into a car the first thing you should know is how to friggin get out, OK! Seems a bumbling car thief in Adelaide locked himself in the car he was stealing and couldn’t get out. Oh dear, when the police arrived they found the embarrassed 53 year old trying to duck under the upholstery. Oh well he is now locked away safe and sound behind bars this time.
Alrighty then, I am packing my bags and heading to Woodland, California, where dental treatment includes a chest massage. Hmm, seems dentist Mark Anderson, who just happens to have 19 felonies under his belt for skin to skin contact with his patients (in other words copping a feel), explained he was treating his female clients for temporomandibular disorder, or TMD (what the hell is that?). Does it have anything to do with friggin teeth? I don’t think the jury are going to buy that one! See ya Mr Anderson.
All public servants in the city of Zhengzhou in China are on notice. Sorry people, you will no longer be allowed to wear brightly colored clothing to work uhuh and under no circustances are you to wear clothing that doesn’t match. Oh and one more thing, no friggin crazy, unnatural hair styles either. Got it! Yes, Zhengzhou has been declared a Vivienne Westwood free zone! Officials from the predominantly rural city have laid down the new clothing regulations which are “designed to improve the image of our public servants,”. Hmm, what were they before, friggin clowns?
Hmm, Ok people, choose your taverna wisely when in Cyprus. Three disgruntled men opened fire at a grill taverna in Mesana and threatened to torch the place after an argument over the bill. Oh boy, $120 (93 Euros) for drinks and meals obviously wasn’t fair and reasonable because two of them left in a huff only to return with a friggin can of petrol and a shotgun. Hello, did you not read the menu first? The restaurant owner and diners dodged the spray of bullets and probably prayed that the police would arrive before the men ignited the petrol they had splashed around their feet. Not to worry, police arrived just in time. No word on whether they eventually fixed up the bill though!
OK, want to see something totally bizarre it will make your mind play tricks? Meet German artist Edgar Mueller, the man behind “Mind the Crevasse”. Mr Mueller has mastered the art of 3D street art, giant optical illusions which make flat surfaces into friggin gaping crevasses, ravines and volcanic river torrents. Hmm, basically anything that represents a frightening scenario. Mr Mueller says of his unusual art ‘I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on what a frightening scenario it was and say, “Wow, that was actually pretty scary”.’ Now, if only other graffiti artists put their skills to good use! Wanna see how it’s done? Watch the video and be inspired…Ooh and by the way it took five days working 12 hours a day to create the 250sqm crevasse.