Monthly Archives: April 2009

Her Majesty Is Not Amused

WTF...Not even I am allowed to do that!

WTF...I am not even allowed to do that!

Fornication on the Windsor Castle lawn is prohibited, unless you are a Royal, of course. A couple have been arrested after being caught having sexual intercourse on the Windsor Castle grounds near Garter Tower. It all seems to be a terribly embarrassing mistake decision on their behalf, fueled on by copious amounts of alcohol. Did I happen to mention they were in full view of the pubs, hotels and tourists. As news of their frolicking spread  “A few soldiers were geeing them on from above and plenty of young people did the same from the roadside. There were camera flashes going off and people videoing.” Oh dear god…YOUTUBE…nooooo!!! The party ended after the armed Royal Protection Squad officers dragged them away from the cheering crowd and threw them in jail to sober up. Turns out they are “respectable people with respectable jobs”. This is going to haunt them for the rest of their cotton pickin’ days! Hmm,pass the immigration application forms please.
Ooh and yes the Queen was at home at the time but no word on whether she watched too!

Psst The two culprits have been outed as Phil Carden and Joy Taylor. Phil was suppose to be married in December but not to Joy…awkward.

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Whoops!

War Veteran Attacked By Mice

And now for something downright horrifying…a war veteran chewed by mice. The bedridden man was found on ANZAC Day in a Queensland nursing home bleeding from his ears, face, neck and hands. The injures have been blamed on a mice plague at the Dalby hospital. The distraught 89 year old was placed on morphine after having spent the night fending off the rodents during the vermin attack. Federal Ageing Minister Justine Elliott said that despite the veteran’s frightening ordeal there was no need to evacuate the residents. Hmm, I guess that is only reserved for crocodile plagues.

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Friggin Wrong, I'm Just Saying !

Wakey Wakey Cleveland Park

Good Morning Cleveland Park

Good Morning Cleveland Park

You know what I hate? Friggin home alarms. You know what Cleveland Park residents in Washington hate?  Friggin 1970’s Municipal Civil Defense system alarms. Bleary eyed locals were wondering who’s ear piercing alarm was going off at 5.30am and why they weren’t turning the friggin thing off. Hello, can’t hear myself think!!! For 2 hours the noise penetrated the usually quite neighborhood. The sound it seems was coming from  Building 39 on the University of the District of Columbia campus. Despite initial denials the University had to admit it was their alarm. They also had to admit they didn’t know how to turn the damn thing off. It was installed in the 1970’s. Hmm, it is believed the alarm was installed as a civil alert system (would have come in handy during 9/11!). Anywho, everyone thought the system had been disconnected years ago…obviously not. But even more strange, no one seems to have recalled the sirens ever having gone off. I smell a Uni prank!

Leave a comment

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

You Waited Until Now?

I guess the first to produce the hood wins!

I guess the first to produce the hood wins!

Hallelujah, as people have been anxiously waiting for DNA results from Tarrance’s toothbrush another person has come out of the woodworks claiming to know who the Zodiac Killer is. A California woman is convinced her father was the infamous serial killer. Deborah Perez believes her father Guy Ward Hendrickson was the hooded freak terrorizing the San Francisco Bay area  back in the 60’s.Perez has handed over her daddy’s eyeglasses and letters. Dear god, she is also claiming as a 7 year old she was dragged along to the killings. Hmm, didn’t see that in any witness statements! Guess who helped make the hood and wrote the letters to police? Perez said her father kept “telling me he was sick and he killed many, many people.” Henderickson died from cancer in 1983 …hmm, it took 26 years to come forward? Maybe it has something to do with the documentary she is making!

5 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Ku Klux Klanning is Wrong

No...wrong!

No...wrong!

OK, here’s the thing, firstly this has already been done and condemned  ala White Supremacy night (only last month) and secondly, it may have been funny at the time but…hmmm NO. The Torquay Tigers Football Club decided to have an “All White Night” so they posted a picture on their website which included, amongst other things, men dressed in KKK outfits (oh dear!).Didn’t anyone tell them Ku Klux Klanning only leads to media attention and that means publicity…hang on a minute??? Oh well, now the hooded supremacist have been replaced by Snow White…anyone got complaints about that midget tease?

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Wrong, How Embarrassing, Whoops!

No-No Not The Vo-Vo

Noooo.....

Noooo.....

Don’t mess with a 103 year old trade mark bikkie people. When Krispy Kreme in Australia decided to release Iced Dough-Vo doughnut, Arnotts biscuits just about had an aneurysm. Arnotts are the protector of the Iced Vo-Vo biscuit,you don’t touch the Vo-Vo.The Krispy Kreme version included the famous pink icing and the sprinkled coconut flakes . For crying out loud, other than being on a dough instead of a bikkie base it was virtually identical but it was the name that really got Arnott’s goat. It’s just not cricket! In their defence Krispy Kreme said that the imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. Noooooooo.You don’t touch the Vo-Vo.Under threat of legal action Krispy Kreme have stepped away from the Vo-Vo and will now rename their pink iced creation….hmm, ever thought of Tim Tam?

1 Comment

Filed under Denial, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never

Too Easy

Hmm, standard theif fashion no longer needed in Mexico

Hmm, standard thief fashion no longer needed in Mexico

Well at least there has been one positive to come out of the Swine Flu scare, it has become decidedly easier for thieves to pull off heists in Mexico. Three surgically masked robbers looked just like the thousands of other Swine flu scared Mexicans as they made their way through the sea of masked shoppers into the Sanborns department store. When inside they were easily able to rob the jewelry department without drawing any unwanted attention. Friggin swines!

Leave a comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never