The week wouldn’t be complete without a penis story. This one is brought to you by the Egyptian man who wasn’t happy with the wife his parents choose for him. Oh dear, it seems the man was in love with a woman (of way lower class) in his village of Sheikh Eissa but his parents had other ideas, they wanted him to marry some other chick (who had way more upper class). So, to put an end to the argument he grabbed a hot knife, cut off his penis and mutilated his testicles (no class). Urgh, it was such a mess even the doctors couldn’t reattach it. I’m not sure how his girlfriend will feel about marrying a man without a penis?
Monthly Archives: May 2009
The lazy squirrels at the Port Huron cemetery in Michigan are using the small US flags placed on the grave sites during Memorial Day to line their nests. Patriotic little rodents aren’t they? Seems one squirrel in particular loves the red, white and blue and has been seen plucking the flags off the staffs of several graves and dragging the cloth to his tree, while his missus watches on with pride.
Glad I wasn’t on this British Airways flight or I think I might have pulled a Christian Bale. Seems one of the flights from Heathrow to Europe was delayed for 25 minutes while the cabin crew looked for a “vital” part missing from the airplane Hmm, would that be a friggin bathroom ashtray? Interesting…considering you are no longer allowed to smoke on flights. Anywho the pilot must have become a little testy too because it was alleged he told one of the crew to simply steal one off another plane. Evidently it is a no-no to fly an aircraft in Europe without an ashtray, due to safety reasons. Come on people I watch Air Crash Investigation religiously and not once has a missing ashtray been blamed for a crash!
Oh dear, Pele Productions, who staged The Wizard of Oz starring Lorna Luft (Judy’s daughter) during the festive season, are being sued. Hmm, seems Adrian Bradbury takes exception to the theatre promoting the production as a musical (despite it having singing and dancing) because it used pre-recorded backing tapes (what, like Britney does?). He is arguing that to advertise the play as a musical was deceptive and wants his £134.50 back.He has gone so far as to get advise and backing from composer Sir Harrison Birtwistle who states “Without the orchestra or MD a performance of The Wizard of Oz is best described as karaoke.” Urgh, I think the courts have enough to worry about ! For goodness sakes, someone give him his money back!
Psst So how would one classify the movie Wizard of Oz ? Is it a musical or karaoke, because it clearly doesn’t have a live orchestra either? Life is so confusing!
Hey Prairie P&P’s, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, now would you? Wichita, Kansas, home to many things including the Sedgwick County Zoo. Hmm, seems the zoo refreshment stand had a little mix up with their sno-cones on the weekend . Someone left the damn degreasing agent bottle next to the blue flavored syrup bottle.Easy thing to do, considering they are the same size, shape and color. Well anywho, it seems four visitors got to taste degreasing flavored sno cones instead of blue raspberry. Lets just say it tasted so bad no one ingested enough to die …hmm, but they probably blew a few toxic bubbles!.
Dilemma alert. OK people, put your thinking caps on. What do you do with a morbidly obese quadriplegic who has been sentenced to 10 years jail for assisting in the manufacturing one tonne of ecstasy ? Paul Baker whose disability is similar to that of the late Christopher Reeves…can’t eat, drink or go to the toilet by himself… will cost the taxpayers about $200,000 a year just to care for him. This isn’t taking into account the cost of modifying a cell(eg, hoist, user friendly furniture and air conditioning) and jail facilities .Urgh, they have already forked out $4,000 to modify the truck so he could be transferred back and forth to court. For goodness sakes Paul, could you have chosen a better career? Mr Baker wont be eligible for parole until another 3 and a half years. Hmm, why don’t they just make him work at a pharmaceutical lab for 3 and half year ?
Quick, get PETA on the phone,the Shedd Aquarium is holding sushi classes.Dear god, that is like a zoo having a barbeque. Ah people, don’t get too horrified seems these classes have been operating for years. Families are welcome to participate in the sushi classes which show how to finely slice, dice and prepare Alaskan Salmon and Dungeness crabmeat. The classes are part of the Right Bite program educating people to choose wisely when eating their scaly friends. Remember to only murder, slice and eat living breathing things that are plentiful in the wild, people!
Raibin Raof Osman was rightly peeved when Maccas failed to place an orange juice in his drive-through order. In theory a crime had been committed, he paid for it, it wasn’t there…theft! Osman, who copped a serving from his family, went back to the McDonalds to retreive the orange juice, only to be laughed at by the drive through attendant (hate that).So of course Osman rings 911.They too weren’t impressed (though refrained from laughing) with his plight, telling him the number was for emergencies only. What is a frustrated Osman to do? Block the friggin drive thru, that’s what. Enter police. Oh people, give him his friggin orange juice already!Depsite the officers trying to explain, Mr Osman insisted it was a ‘freedom of speech’ issue. Well, whatever it was, it got him a night in jail and a court date. Lovin it!
Ohio man John Hamilton thought he was doing the Sandusky authorities a favor when he ran his mower over the unkempt foot high grass at Central Park. But instead of the good old pat on the back he got slapped with an obstructing official business and persistent disorderly conduct charge.WTF. Despite the City’s inability to maintain the park, due to budget cuts, it seems they take exception to someone else doing it for them in their own time, with their own equipment and using their own fuel for free. Mr Hamilton was arrested after someone dobbed him in for blowing grass onto the sidewalk and shredding the trash that was lying in the grass. Please, he hadn’t even friggin finished!
Psst Hey John, you can do my lawn any old time you like!