DIY Trim

OK, I haven’t been down this road for a few weeks but a man from Stevenage in the UK is in hospital after attempting a do-it-yourself circumcision with nail clippers. Oh dear god, what was he thinking? Gosh, I hope he sterilized them first, nothing worse than toe jam to infect a wound. He is expected to make a full well a recovery!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Geez Ann, you know how we all  hate ventriloquist dolls, clowns and dolls (the ones whose eyes move) but this is so hell funny I had to share with the other Loons. Thanks for the big old laugh! “I kill you”!

and wait there is more…

Not That There Is Anything Wrong With That!

Cirque Du Soleil rang and said NO! Are you sure it was a cross-dressing man wearing clown make-up? Boulder police are on the look out for a man who robbed the Boulder Beer Emporium wearing red and white face make-up, a fake nose, reddish purple wig and a denim dress. Staff told police they didn’t think anything was wrong when he walked in. Hmm, it was really only after he pointed a pistol at them they realized it wasn’t Richard Simmons. The clown left with an undisclosed amount of money before fleeing on his little tricycle (OK, I made that bit up!). Expect a surveillance picture to be released real soon!

I Got Worms

Damn that Stairway to Heaven, gets us every time!

Of all the most ridiculous, silly, stupid things to do, worm charming must be one of them. Oh for goodness sakes people! They even have friggin competitions for this “sport”. Hmm and this year, at Britain’s World Worm Charming Championships, a record was smashed by Sophie Smith. She managed to charm herself 567 worms to the surface in 30 minutes. Evidently the skill is in the vibration you make to attract the worms to the surface. With many believing (including a U.S. neuroscientist) the key is to make a similar sound to that of a mole (handy to know). So how does Mae West sound again? However, each to their own, many competitors have their own special tactics to lure the worm, including strumming a guitar, banging a drum, playing a bottle xylophone or simply tap dancing to the Star War theme.

Short Term Memory Loss

OK, money in the bank deposit, marajuana in my pocket, money in the bank deposit, marajuana in my pocket. Ah damn! Tallahassee police have charged one Cameron Jefferson for depositing $200 and 2 plastic bags into a bank deposit canister. Reason?  One of the bags contained marijuana and the other, white powder (presumably cocaine). I guess he will be withdrawing that $200 to pay for bail!

Geez and He Didn’t Even Smile!

Hmm, now whats the friggin number?

Word of warning would-be burglars, stay away from friggin cell phones if you don’t know how to use them OK! Police in Suffolk are looking for a person matching the photo found on a victim’s cell phone. Seems that during a break-in the burglar decided to make a call on the owners cell phone. Unfortunately he was unfamiliar with the model and ended up taking a photo of himself. He later fled leaving the phone in his wake, never having made the call! Friggin technology!

Bernie Madoff

71 + 150 = 221.  Dumbass!