Oprah Nearly Had a Blast

Move on, nothing to see here. The backpack outside Harpo Productions’s (Yep, Oprah’s joint) which was believed to have wires hanging out of it, raised enough alarm bells for the Chicago Bomb and Arson Unit to investigate. But it was soon determined that the suspicious backpack, which was found in the flowerbed, turned out to be just a suspicious backpack in the flowerbed. It’s the weekend people, slow news day!

Feet Up Everyone

OK, no need to panic but can you lift your feet nice and slow!

Hands up, who brought the friggin croc onboard? A baby crocodile has scared the living  crap out of passengers on an EgyptAir flight from Abu Dhabi to Cairo when it suddenly appeared out of nowhere mid flight. The cocky little reptile leisurely strolled down the aisle while hysterical passengers promptly lifted their feet up and screamed. He was eventually cornered and captured by crew members. He is now holidaying at the Giza Zoo.

Psst Of course no one on the flight has admitted to bringing the creature onboard. Hmm,I wonder whose pant leg he had been strapped to? Check for scratches!

Hey, Yeah You!

Someone found the Friggin Loon by searching “Loon Defecate”.Now that isn’t very nice. Sure you find a bit of shit but please, I don’t defecate that often!

Go To Jail

Only if you ask nicely!

Oh for goodness sakes. A 54 year old man Michigan man was so pissed that his friend wouldn’t sell him Park Place and Boardwalk during a game of monopoly, he hit her in the face and smashed her glasses.That is definitely a go directly to jail card right there!

Whoopsie Daisy

Dude!

OK, no laughing people, it could have really hurt. Police Officer Ryan Venno was perched on the Snow Road bridge in Berrien Springs, revenue hunting working a speed trap, when he kinda fell off and landed slap, bang , near US 31 Bypass. Evidently Venno had found a you beaut spot on the ledge of the bridge in which to use his radar gun (oh and where cars couldn’t see him). Hmm but while maneuvering himself into a comfy position he fell, bounced off another ledge before falling another 23ft. As no other officer noticed his plunge, Venno had to call it in to Berrien County dispatch (embarrassing). Officer Venno is now nursing a fractured leg. Hmm, no word on if there was any damage to the speed gun!

Psst To all the eBayers or souvenir hunters, evidently remains of Venno’s pant leg and sock are still under the bridge unclaimed.

What The, Where Did It Go?

I was sure I put them on?

Ladies if your spouse decides to give you a saucy little bikini, I would be very weary if I were you. A German company have just developed a dissolveable bikini that disappears the moment you get into the water. Hmm, the Get Naked bikini has set some of the women’s rights campaigners right off, with one angrily declaring “It is an absolute insult to women that this has been invented.” Oh OK,  I get why they are pissed, it is selling like hotcakes on the German REVENGE website. But ladies, you can get them for men too! Hmm, but here’s hoping it only comes in small sizes because otherwise it could get downright ugly. Oh and don’t be slipping one of those under the tree for granny! Want one? Sure you do, try here Revengeshop.

Generation WTF

Welcome to the next generation.

Holy Hogwart Batman, a mother from Leeds who had asked a group of teenagers to shut up during the screening of Potter And The Half-Blood Prince  has had bleach poured all over her . The group of teenagers obviously took offence because after the family left the cinema the youths hurled abuse at them as they walked over to the Frankie & Benny’s restaurant. A few minutes later two of the low lifes allegedly entered the restaurant and threw bleach over the unsuspecting mother as her family looked on in horror. It still isn’t know whether there will be permanent damage to her eyes. Hey Civil libertarians, is this the end result of not allowing parents to discipline their children or to take responsibilities for their own actions? Nice isn’t it?

Well Hello Mr Two Face

This is the way weirdest story to come out of Detroit, in like, hours. Mr Burwell seemed like a nice enough guy (sure, don’t they all). The bespectacled white mechanic from Ohio ran a repair shop and was often seen driving black children to church in his bus (ah huh). He even ran a jobs program for ex crims which was funded by the civil rights groups (hmm). He was loved by all including Catholics, Jews and African Americans (now I am worried).Damn, he even gave to the Detroit Black Panther Party (oook). So what’s a man that seems like “Mr Color Blind” doing with  friggin Ku Klux Klan robes in his garage (WTF)? Not only that but he was a high ranking member to boot.Well hello Mr secretary for Unit No. 1 of the local National Knights of the KKK chapter ( can that fit on a name badge?).  Talk about finger in each pie. Even his wife hadn’t a clue about her hubby’s little secret (well, that ain’t no surprise). Funny enough Mr Burwell’s secret stayed hidden for years in the loft of his gargage until the new owner decided to have a clean up. There he found, ironically in a box containing photocopies of checks he had sent to help improve race relations, evidence of his KKK days.You can read the whole story at Detroit News. I would like to think Jim Burwell was an informant for police and not a “real” member of the KKK. Sheez, this coming from someone who believes in Santa and the tooth fairy!

Psst I don’t think Hallmark will be making this story anytime soon.

Brother, Can You Spare a Dollar?

How am I gonna get my ciggies now?

OK people, lets put our heads together and think of a way to stop beggars. Oooh, oooh I’ve got it, lets fine the buggers. Great idea, all in favor say “I”. The Alice Springs Town Council are currently looking at adding a few new by-laws, one of which allows council rangers to fine people $130 if they are caught begging . It’s brilliant.Nothing like making the poor, poorer.  Oooh and if you thought that was a bit rough, they are also looking into banning camping on the dry Todd River bed, where many of the homeless sleep at night.Bravo. And if the council then uses the money to build shelters, then the homeless, have in theory, paid for their own homes! Ingenious.

Psst Do you think there is an underlying problem here they don’t want to confront?

Mystery Mouse

Whew, I couldn't hold on much longer!

Oh dear god, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration are investigating claims a dead mouse was found in a can of Diet Pepsi. A guaranteed way to lose weight I say.Fred Denegri knew something was up when he thought his Diet Pepsi tasted weird. After pouring the contents out he discovered to his horror that his drink also contained the body of a mouse. Well, any consolation, at least it was dead! A spokesman for Pepsi said “It is virtually impossible for this type of thing to happen in a production environment,”. Seems unless it was speedy Gonzales there was no way in hell a rodent could get into their 1,250 cans a minute manufacturing process. It’s a job for David Copperfield.