Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Things Momma Didn’t Tell Ya

OK, here’s the thing two dudes from Knoxville who put lamp oil in a saucepan and lit it during a power outage, WTF were you thinking. Both sustained burns and smoke inhalation after lighting the pan and it flashed over, burning them and the apartment! Woof! It is believed the men were trying to find an alternative source of light after the power went out.Yeah, well in some ways they got their wish! Now three other tenants have been displaced and 7 units water damaged. They are going to be hell popular when they return!

14 Comments

Filed under Evolution Be Damned!, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Scary, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Don’t Move

Ah shit!

You know what I hate? When you visit your son on Long Island for Thanksgiving and you fall neck deep into a friggin cesspool.I really hate that. Eduardo Matos (71) fell into the sewage while walking outside on the lawn.  Mr Matos  said “I was calm . . . If you panic, that shit will suck you right in,”. No shit! He was eventually rescued by his son and daughter. So much for Thanksgiving!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

They Shot Jesus!

Rockville police had no choice but to shoot and kill Jesus on Sunday after he viciously attacked a man. Police tried to taser him first but he justed didn’t respond. Jesus was a 120lb Rottweiler/Pit Bull dog.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!

Happy Thanksgiving Granny!

Here, catch!

You soon find out who your friends  are on Thanksgiving. A woman caused utter chaos after she took her unwanted Thanksgiving present to the Dennis Police Department. Roads were closed, the local fire department alerted and the state bomb squad called in when she whipped out a World War II hand grenade one of her relis gave her. Ninety minutes later it was confirmed it didn’t have a blasting cap so couldn’t explode. I guess their inheritance will have to wait!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Santa or Christkind

Ho friggin no!

OK, Santa or Christkind, which one would you prefer as the official symbol of Christmas? One is a big fat jolly snow haired man bearing a big bag of goodies invented by Coca Cola the other, a tiny blond haired baby who brings a candle lit tree and gifts to little snowflakes on Christmas eve with a non commercialized traditional type attitude.This is the big dilemma facing Austrians this Christmas, as a group of campaigners named The Pro-Christkind group make a concerted effort to rid Santa from Austria for good. The group are planning rallies in Graz, Innsbruck, Salzburg and Vienna. Good luck with that!

Psst Christkind just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Hmm, maybe if they changed the name?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Cell Phone Jamming Is Illegal

Bummer, a church in New Zealand has been fined for using a cell phone jamming system to stop the parishioners interrupting the services with their dumbassed ring tones. Seems the only ones legally allowed to use the device are prisons. Oh I don’t know, something about putting the community in danger.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Ten Pin Bowling Is An Extreme Sport in The UK

A friggin death trap!

OMG,after 2 years and £250,000 spent on a study by Health and Safety (HSE) they  have concluded that ten pin bowling alleys are  a very friggin dangerous environment for families! Dear god imagine, little snowflakes running down the lanes and getting trapped in machinery or someone walking down the 60 ft lanes to knock over the pins by hand and getting injured. Geez, it’s a friggin death trap when you think about it, a friggin death trap! Among the recommendations put forward, was for operators to fit photoelectric beams on the lanes so the machines will cut off automatically if anyone, by chance, wanders down the slippery as all get up lanes. Once again I must stop here to point out there is no need for concern,  natural selection will sort out the losers.

Psst I did note there was no mention of the obvious dangers, eg spraining a wrist, hurting your back, slipping on the spilled beer, salmonella from the curly fries…you know, the basic dangers!

2nd Psst When was the last time you heard about someone being squashed by the pinsetting machinery for goodness sakes?

23 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Evolution Be Damned!, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never