Five Reasons Why I won’t Be Featured on Freshly Pressed

Ok here’s the thing Loons, after Trippin With Rip and Zodi’s blog got featured on “Freshly Pressed” I thought, why the fuck hasn’t Bearman’s, Madhatters, Susi Spice, Jammers, or mine been highlighted for the world to see? So I did a bit of scrounging and found the prerequisite for being featured. Oh shit, for the love of god, now I see why, here are the five reasons….

1. I sure as hell don’t write unique content that’s free of bad stuff.
2. Hmm, yeah, OK, I include images or other visuals but it’s usually from clip art.
3. OK, I add tags but they usually include “friggin”, “WTF” and “for the love of god”,  which, evidently, is a big friggin “obscure” no-no.
4. Blahahahaah writing typo-free content …as if! Friggin dunbos!
5. A compelling headline which “Avoid swear words, excessive punctuation or vague statements.” You have got to be fucking kidding me!

Oh well, I don’t mind being on the bottom of the blog heap…at least I’m in good company.

Psst Hey Joy, do you take bribes by any chance (Bearman wants to know!!!!!).

57 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

57 responses to “Five Reasons Why I won’t Be Featured on Freshly Pressed

  1. It’s funny I thought when I switched from wordpress.com to hosting my own wordpress blog that I wouldn’t be hindered and my readership would be up.

    It’s actually cut in half b/c I don’t get the benefit of the wordpress community anymore.

    • Lynn

      W-a-a-a-a-a-h sure, cry me a river! don’t forget, youve got the benefit of keeping attention of your vast cartoon network. I for one, have no social support unless you include all of my 21 facebooks.. please dont defriend me now!

  2. Hey loon, I put something up in MadHatters a while back (before Lynn got ‘featured’) wondering why your blog wasn’t ever highlighted by WordPress (which it deserves to be).

    After Lynn got featured I too did some digging and came up with the same results as you. Then it made sense !!!

    Now and again one or other of us at Madhatters posts something ‘original’ about a matter that concerns us – but mainly our site is about ‘stealing’ items posted elsewhere and putting our own twist on them, and hopefully providing some amusement to those who read our blog. But because it’s not ‘original’ we’re never going to be featured by WordPress (I’ll say more about this later on – keep reading!!!)

    So we fail on lack of originality. We also fail on excessive punctuation – given my predilection for using triplets, e.g., ??? or !!!

    And of course it hardly needs saying that we fail the profanity test – given our tendency to describe politicians as ‘fucken assholes’ or ‘b*stards’, or ‘Wankers’ 😆

    We also fail on the Tag test because we tend to use tag terms that we think people might use when ‘googling’ for information about a particular story, while it appears the WordPress editors who select which blogs to feature use more general tag terms like ‘politics’,’education’, ‘religion’, etc when searching for likely blogs to feature.

    Given MadHatters is never likely to be selected and promoted by WordPress editors such as ‘Joy’ because we fail so many of the narrow/restrictive criteria they employ (and isn’t there a tiny hint of a somewhat narrow minded puritanical mindset here???)

    Oh, bugger me, I’ve gone and used excessive punctuation in that last sentence 😳 Sorry, Joy. Actually, it’s not really a sentence because I got sidetracked before I could finish it 😆

    (Sorry, loon, I think I’ve just blown any chance you had of Joy featuring your blog in the future)

    F*ck me! And, Jesus on a bicycle !!! Not only have I used excessive punctuation, I’ve just noticed I used a bad word in that last paragraph. 😳

    Since ‘Joy” and her fellows are never going to favour the Madhatters with their praise, there is nothing to be lost by me saying – ‘Joy’, surely WordPress should want to promote and publicise the versatility and diversity of the blogs created using the WordPress platform?

    (Hey, Joy – notice I restrained myself to using only ONE question mark ?)

    So come on Joy (and the other nameless WordPress lads and lasses that select sites to feature). If you were working in the corporate world and trying to sell your product, you would be toting around a powerpoint presentation exhibiting the range/style of blogs that could be created using your product. So stop playing safe and picking ‘family friendly’ blogs to feature. (I bet none of the porn sites created using WordPress ever get ‘featured’ !!!) and give the likes of ‘Loon’ and ‘Bearman’ a mention. They deserve it !!!

    • Thanks for the feedback!

    • Blaahahahaahah Duncan, using “Joy” 15 times gets a little attention at least! Forgive him Joy, he knows not what he says. OK, he does. Hmm, Joy, how would a $50 work for ya? Whoops, I meant “you”. Sheez, bloody hell, this punctuation thingie is a bitch!

      • “Thanks for the feedback!” sounds just like “we will file your resume for future reference”

      • Jeez, the things I do for friends !!! 😉

        Hey, Loon – in the unlikely event that Joy features your blog in the future, how about throwing that $50 in my direction? 😆

      • I can pretty much guarantee my money is safe 🙂 Anywho, you still own me from that last loan!!!! Fuck, sorry Joy, I meant just one “!”

      • Hey Bearman – I reckon that Orgasm Emoticon you posted has buggered (excuse the language, Joy) any chance you have of being elevated from the bottom dwelling status !!! (excuse the extra exclamation marks, Joy)

        Any chance of you creating a ‘bottom dweller – and proud of it’ badge, Bearman that we can display on the front page of our blogs ? 😆

      • I’ll have to work on that one Dunc.

  3. Amy

    awwww…shucks!!! (note: extra letters, punctuation, fragment sentence and shucks rhymes with uhh….forks.)

    Well, I found you and liked you and frankly that’s all that matters. I live many layers of earth under you and the bottom can be nice too. I’ve done many pleasant things on the bottom.

  4. You future-stole this post from me. I was going to write the exact same thing tomorrow.

    I’d sure like to know how you did that.

    Ah, fuckshit.

  5. The price of individuality

  6. Yeah, it’s too late. Even if you drafted something they liked, they’d look at your older posts and say, “holy shit man, we can’t promote this! Mom will kick our asses!”

    Dood!

  7. Griffin

    I am real sorry that you didn’t get the highbrow props that we lowbrow readers know that you deserve but most of us wouldn’t want you to change this format for any amount of that so called acknowledgment. This is what makes us loons!

  8. I never knew it existed. How can I read your blog anymore, knowing you’re not worthy of . . . whatever that thing is. Oh wait . . . my blog is also a bottom dweller. Never mind.

  9. Odd bodkins! Loon, your blog is at the top of MY list. I rely on you and your take on current events to keep me up to date on news-worthy items. Not like those young people who look to SNL and Jimmy Kimmel (is he even on anymore) or the Colbert Report for their current events. I hope this comment complies with the myriad of requirements to be suitable to what the select few view as ‘the public.’ Btw, where the fuck are all those porn sites, Duncanr?

    • Blahahahah thanks Crikey Craig, but you gotta ease up on that swearing for fuck sakes or Joy won’t be pleased 😦

      • Oh crap Crickey Craig, I clicked onto your link and received this ominous message. Could this be Joy’s handy work?????

        You are about to log in to the site “blogspot.com” with the username “craigmberry”, but the website does not require authentication. This may be an attempt to trick you.

        Is “blogspot.com” the site you want to visit?

      • hmmmmm….that’s interesting. I suppose now I’ll have some ‘guest’ postings. I guess blogspot isn’t as secure as the ratchet-down wordpress. Thanks for the warning.

  10. The Celtic Queen

    Gees I do out for a few hours and all this crops up . I just can’t leave the house in case there’s too much to catch up on .

  11. Julie

    Aaah OK … I’ve found it …. yeah Duncs can be quite revolting sometimes !!! 😛 (Oh, am I meant to only put one ! ????)

  12. I know that this post wasn’t against me or Lynn, but I can’t help but feel a bit bristlely!!!!!

    • Julie

      “Bristlely” … is that a new disease??? Oh and only one ! at a time please Scott 😆

      • Please say that’s a swear word Scott, so I can dob you into Joy! Blahahahaha Scotty, I love you and Lynn , and be assure it was in no way intended to be having a go at you guys. Both your blogs were well worthy of being on Freshly Pressed.
        I just thought it was hilarious that my blog failed in all 5 points.
        Oh plus I wrote it when I slightly inebriated 🙂

      • I do love to make up words. No, the truth is …that I got lucky. People that have never read my blog wouldn’t know but I tend to veer head on into the controversial every chance I get. I’ve went after Scientologists, Muslims, Christians, liberals, right wing retards, retards, suggested allowing stupid people to kill themselves… and plenty of other ‘bad stuff.’

        And fuck is probably my favorite verb, noun and adjective. I’m just defending my bad boy nature is all.

        Carry on then…

      • Shhhhh, for goodness sakes Scotty, Joy might hear you and then you’ll be back at the bottom with us dwellers. We’re just grateful one of us (OK two) got out. So what’s it like up there?

  13. I’m with Joy on this one.

    Excessive pu ctuation, adn the use of thwe dreaded smilies is a duisgrace, that deserves no recognition whatsoever.

    …unlike shit typing.

  14. Well, spend half a day in hospital and you miss all the fun!

    RANT ON

    Seriously, I had been planning to move HC from blogger to wordpress this autumn because of the seemingly better production features. Now, probably not! Blogger may not have the frontpage recommendation stuff like wordpress and that american index that I can’t recall the name of, got an “I” in it somewhere.

    But, having been with blogger since early 2007 and using AOL for some time before (and the latter was total crap IMHO) I have never seen any evidence of censorship other than the option to declare your work as “adult content” or report a blog if you find such.

    Whilst the article by Joy, which I have pondered on at some length this morning, does not mention censorship the guidelines verge very close to it, IMHO. That is just not in the modern blogosphere; if you find something you don’t like, move on, there are millions of others out there!

    So Hail to Friggin Loon and Madhatters for the valuable work both blogs do, without you I would not score any points in the BBC News website weekly quiz on Friday!

    RANT OFF

    • Come on Dave step over to the dark side and soak in the wallow that is WordPress. Blogger is a nightmare to leave comments on and anywho the comments don’t actually reside on your post they reside on bloggers !!!! 😦 Plus, despite Freshly Pressed seemly like verging on censorship, they do have “Top Posts” which goes on visitors rather than WTF OMG !!!! spelling mistookens. Plus their SEO is way superior. I also have hosted wordpress sites which are brilliant…..How am I doing so far Joy?

      • arse-licker !!! 😆

      • Loon; what’s an SEO? As my visitor numbers never breach 300 a week I will always be at the bottom of any list… a bottom feeder!

      • OK Dave, you should be getting way more than that. Search Engine Optimization, which is the process of improving the volume or quality of traffic to a web site or a web page (such as a blog) from search engines via “natural” or un-paid (“organic” or “algorithmic”)…wiki quote.

      • It’s worth a try Duncan 🙂

      • Actually, from her picture Joy looks like a really lovely lady – a really nice, caring, considerate, generous person; the sort that helps old ladies with their shopping and is kind to animals. And someone with a great sense of humor who came take a joke about herself without taking offence or holding a grudge

        (how am I doing loon – think she’s buying any of this?) 😆

      • No spelling mistakes…check
        No swearing …. check

        You are all clear Duncan 🙂

      • Julie

        Duncs … I think you’re about halfway up Joy’s arse at the moment … keep sucking buddy …. you’re almost there 😀

      • Well done, Duncan.

        You even got some incorrect American spelling in there.

      • Lynn

        hey thanks for telling me scott was promoted, i din’t know! apparently he emaails you all and not me. 😦

        okay i’m going to dispell a rumor here…

        freshly pressed promoted my post before i had attached ANY tags at all. yep, that’s right! if that doesn’ttell ya that luck is involved, nothing will!

        i enjoyed reading this post and comments very much!! i gotta go with scott though, it’s probably pure luck!

  15. Who’s botty reaming now, duncan?

  16. Julie

    SCHNAPPPPPP 😆

  17. F#@*^% cheap lazy bas^#*^ and their f$#)&^* rules. Da*^ good thing I never use f%#@()& bad words on my blog.

  18. hello frigginloon its dennis the vizsla dog hay hmmm they shud like my blog then i dont yooze enny of that silly punkchooayshun at all!!! wel eksept for sum eksklamayshun poynts now and then!!! ok bye

  19. Well, I stumbled upon your blog (which I love) by visiting the blogroll of another blog featured on Freshly Pressed – so there’s that.

    I really wish I would have read that article before I posted, “Does this truck make my penis look big” – however, it was worth it to see “one big dick” come up as a search term on my dashboard.

    Ah, fuck FP and their little dog too. I’ll add them to my list of peeves. (unless of course I make it on the list soon) 😉

    • Loon, I just called by perpetuallypeeved’s place (lot of p in that) and I think she’s is going to be a fine new entrant to the hypocrisy busting corner of blogoland!

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