Incy Wincy Spider

Spider 1, Man 0

OK, here’s the thing Chris Welding, when spraying a spider with a flammable aerosol can, do not and I repeat, do not, light a cigarette to see if you had killed it. Holy kaboom Batman. The door blew off and Mr Welding was not only blown off his feet but received severe burns. No word on the spider.

Such Is Life

What’s the definition of ironic? When a  inmate has his death sentence commuted to life and then goes and hangs himself a week later.70 year old George Smithey was convicted of murder, robbery and attempted rape in 1988 and sentence to death. However after his sentence was  commuted to life, due to mental retardation, he used his bed sheet to end it all.

Grease Monkey

Oh for goodness sakes, when breaking into a restaurant it’s not wise to use the grease vent unless you want to spend 7 awkward hours waiting for help. Hmm, don’t believe me, just ask Kevin Harley from South Carolina, he knows.

All Systems Are Go

OK loons, guess what? They have just started to dig out the 33 Chilean miners.I’ll have an update in 4 months or so.

Body Parts Boulevard

Egads, I really friggin hate it when some bastard dumps body parts down the street. No seriously, totally thoughtless!!! Police in Detroit are trying to figure out who belongs to the arm, leg and other body parts believed to be that of an African American. Hmm, I guess those overworked DNA lab assistants will be working overtime tonight! Urgh, here’s hoping it ain’t no sicko serial killer.

Saddest Story Of The Week

Saddest story of the week goes to the disabled woman in Silver Springs who was left playing outside with a child’s magnifying glass.You can pretty much guess what happened. She set herself on fire  😦  .

Not Until I See Your Face Mister

Cut the crap and show me your face

Hero alert. Don’t mess with no convenience store clerk in Oswego County, New York, fool, it’ll only end in tears and an arrest. When Rashad Wilson entered the Kwik Fill convenience store wearing a ski mask , black hoodie and carrying a handgun he thought  it wouldn’t be hard to convince the clerk into handing over cigarettes. Wrong! The clerk told him no way, unless he took off the mask. Even after Wilson flashed the handgun the clerk refused to budge. In the end a dejected Wilson left empty handed, the clerk rang police and now his sorry ass is in jail. Hasn’t anyone told you smoking is dangerous?

Grow Up!

OK, here’s the thing Julious Javone Threatts, pretending you are 14 so you can join the Tampa Bay Youth Football League and Tampa Middle school is so High School Musical. You are 21 for goodness sakes! Threatts, who used the alias Chad Jordan, did it because he wanted to play football (hmm, must have been crap to want to play with 14 year olds). Evidently he was pretty good at passing as a 14 year old  as the coach told police, he acted more immature than his 13 year old son. His ruse came to an abrupt end when he tried to register for classes at Tampa Middle School with his fake id. Now Threatts is in jail having violated his parole for burglary and earning a string of new charges.

Psst In my day it was 14 year olds wanting to be 21!

Sicilian Delivery Room

Two hot tempered Sicilian doctors are in big doodah after they had a punch in a delivery room over who was going to perform a c-section. During their fisty-cuffs the woman, Laura Salpietro, was left hemorrhaging. After one of the doctors was slammed into a wall and the other punched a window attention went back to Salpietro. Hmm, in the end she had to have her uterus removed and her baby suffered two heart attacks and is now suffering from brain damage.

Psst Story thanks to Susi Spice.

The 7th Annual World Testicle Cooking Championship

You won’t be seeing this on a cooking show  anytime soon, the annual World Testicle Cooking Championship. High in a remote Serbian mountain village chefs gather to cook up animal testicles. Yes, you heard me, the chefs cook up the balls of kangaroos, ostriches, camels, bulls and boars.Hmm so if you feel like a beef ball goulash, gonad moussaka or a testicle pizza this festival is for you? Yummy!

Psst Hey Jammers, if you want any of the recipes just give Susi Spice a buzz!