Oh dear lord, step away from the poppy seed bagels. Elizabeth Mort from Pennsylvania had her newborn baby taken away by Children and Youth Services after testing positive for opiates. Seems the poppy seed bagel she ate just prior to giving birth skewed the results of a drug test. It took five days before authorities realized the mistake and returned the bub to her mom. Oh hell yes, that’s a suing right there!
Monthly Archives: October 2010
Kickass Hero Saves Guide From Great White Shark
OMG, there is one very sorry assed shark swimming around Rockingham today. The great white was thwarted from lunching on a snorkeler by a kickass hero who grabbed it’s tail and yanked him off the left buttock of Elyse Frankcom (19). The attack happened during a “swim with the dolphins” tour in Perth. Frankcom, one of the Rockingham Wild Encounters tour guides, was snorkeling in about 7m of water when the 3m great white struck. It sunk its teeth into her hip and left buttock before the kickass hero (who declined to give his name) grabbed the sharks tail, making it let go of her. Not done, the kickass hero then dived underwater to grab the now sinking tour guide, pulling her back to the surface and onto the boat. Ms Frankcom, who is expected to make a full recovery, told medics she also punched the shark in the face. Humiliated much Mr great white shark ?
Psst A search is now on to identify the kickass hero so he can be nominated for Australia’s highest award for heroism. AND no it wasn’t Chuck Norris!
God Fearing?
Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Jehovah’s Witnesses. Well “you fucking Jehovah’s Witnesses, get the fuck off my property!” Rudolf Hellmold from Aripeka was arrested after he pointed a loaded handgun at Jehovah’s Witnesses, Carla Dignall and Lenore Salvato, who were about to knock on his door.
Psst Can you go to hell for that?
Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!
Tagged as Aripeka, Carla Dignall, Jehovah's Witnesses, Lenore Salvato, loaded handgun, pointed gun, Rudolf Hellmold
When Granny Goes Wild
One of the few things to look forward to when you are old…getting away with being friggin crazy.
Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, You Go Girl!
Tagged as angry, crazy, elderly woman, granny, hits passenger, insane, subway, train
Oh Goodie, Terrorist Alert Before Christmas
Oh crap, the US terrorist alert has flipped into “full on fear” following explosive packages being found at a UK and Dubai airport overnight. Sheez, it must be real serious, because even President Obama took time out from his busy schedule to warn of a “credible terrorist threat” after the two suspicious packages (disguised as printer cartridges) turned out to be friggin bombs. Both packages were on United Parcel Service (UPS) flights originating from Yemen and destined for Chicago AND both were addressed to unnamed synagogues in Chicago. Al Qaeda have been named as the usual suspect.
UPDATE : A Yemeni woman has been arrested over the bombs.
Anyone Misplaced Their Rocket Launcher?
Hmm, can the owner of the M72 loaded self propelled rocket launcher who left it near the side of a Canadian highway please contact police, they want a little word with you. The loaded weapon was discovered in dense shrub by tree pruner Steve Taylor who pretty much thought WTF? He contacted police who contacted the Canadian Forces Explosive Ordinance Disposal Unit who also pretty much thought WTF? Now everyone is thinking WTF?
Fainting Kitty
OMG, this little kitty is either the best little damn feline actor in the world or its got a serious issue ….
Psst The two kittens, Spike and Charlie, suffer from myotonia congenita otherwise known as “fainting goat” syndrome
Granny Kicks Pumpkin Head in The Balls
If you waltz into 88 year old Kathryn Byassee’s Kentucky home without so much as a hello, expect a kick in the balls. When Ms Byassee walked into her kitchen at 5 am she was confronted by an intruder wearing a pumpkin mask. As he wrestled her into the bedroom and tried to smother her with a pillow she gave him one almighty kick in the crotch. That’s a monster mash right there! Police are now looking for a seriously embarrassed pumpkin with a limp.
Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Sore Loser, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never
Tagged as 88 year old, crotch, granny, intruder, Kathryn Byassee, kicked in balls, kicked in groin, pumpkin mask
Step Away From The Water Bottle
No need to panic men, but a study in China has revealed that a chemical found in plastic bottles and soda cans can mess with your sperm (and not in a good way). Bisphenol A (or the less scary name BPA) is the culprit and has the ability to lower sperm counts, reduce its quality and result in erectile dysfunction. Dear god! Who needs a one child policy when you have BPA? The chemical can be found in most canned food linings and has been detected in the urine of 90% of the US population. Bullet dodgers (government agencies including the US) however are claiming the tests were done on Chinese factory workers who were exposed to higher levels of the chemical than consumers. Their conclusion…. it’s safe.
Filed under Friggin Research, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never
Tagged as bisphenol-A, BPA, canned food, controversial chemical, health risk, linings, low sperm counts, plastic bottles, sperm
Waterboarding Your Girlfriend is Wrong
Oh for crying out loud mister, waterboarding your girlfriend is so 2004. Trevor Case has been charged with a pile of offenses after he bound his girlfriend’s wrists, tied her to the couch, stuffed socks in her mouth, put a tee over her head and poured water over it. That’s a waterboarding. Reason? He suspected she was cheating. No word on whether he got the truth out of her before she was able to escape.
Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never
Tagged as assault, charged, girlfriend, Trevor Case, waterboarding